CAUTION: VIRUS WARNING!
 If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it
 immediately WITHOUT reading it.  This is the most dangerous E-mail virus
 yet.  It will re-write your hard drive.  Not only that, but it will
 scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.  
 
 It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice
 cream gets melted.  It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit
 cards, screw up the tracking on your video and use subspace field
 harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
 
 It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number.  It will mix
 antifreeze into your fishtank.  It will drink all your beer and leave
 its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
 
 It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit and hide
 your car keys when you are late for work.  Badtimes will make you fall
 in love with a penguin.  It will give you nightmares about circus
 midgets.
 
 It will pour sugar in your petrol tank and shave off both your eyebrows
 while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing
 the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card.  It will seduce your
 grandmother.  It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of
 Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold
 most dear.
 
 It moves your car randomly around car parks so you can't find it.  It
 will kick your dog.  It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's
 voice mail in your voice!  It is insidious and subtle.  It is dangerous
 and terrifying to behold.  It is also a rather interesting shade of
 mauve.
 
 Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.  It will leave the toilet seat
 up.  It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bath and then leave
 bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase school children in
 your car.
 
 These are just a few of the signs...  Be very careful!
 

Wil Stark, wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com

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