THE BILL OF NO RIGHTS
 
 We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get
 along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
 nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of
 debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren,
 hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense
 guidelines. 
 We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were
 confused by the Bill of Rights and have lost touch with what the country is
 about. Herewith the Bill of No Rights. 
 
 ARTICLE I 
 You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other
 form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no
 one is guaranteeing anything. 
 
 ARTICLE II 
 You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on
 freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave
 the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the
 world is full of idiots, and probably always will be. 
 
 ARTICLE III 
 You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver
 in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer
 to make you and all of your relatives independently wealthy. 
 
 ARTICLE IV 
 You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most
 charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we
 are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of
 professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of
 another generation of professional couch potatoes. 
 
 ARTICLE V 
 You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from
 the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health
 care. 
 
 ARTICLE VI 
 You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap,
 rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of
 us get together and kill you. 
 
 ARTICLE VII 
 You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat,
 or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised
 if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still
 won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure. 
 
 ARTICLE VIII 
 You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in
 foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive
 governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if
 you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not
 want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant
 with a military uniform and a funny hat. 
 
 ARTICLE IX 
 You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have one,
 and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take
 advantage of the opportunities in education and vocational training laid
 before you to make yourself useful. 
 
 ARTICLE X 
 You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you
 have the right to pursue happiness -- which, by the way, is a lot easier if
 you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those
 around you who were confused by the Bill of Rights. 
 
 From: Ray

Wil Stark, wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com

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