Eye Test
 
 An immigrant from Czechoslovakia went to an optometrist
 for an eye checkup.
 
  The doctor started with some simple testing, showing him
  a standard eye chart with the letters:  CRKBNWXSKZY
 
  The doc then asked, "Can you read that?"
 
  The Czech then answered, "Read it? Hell, Doc, I know him!"
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 They're Back!
 
 Q:  What has 99 legs & 49 teeth?
 A:  The front row at a Willie Nelson concert
 ===============================================================================
 
 Late One Night...
 
 
 Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he
 thought was empty.  He tiptoed through the living room
 but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a
 loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"  Silence
 returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward.
 "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The
 frightened burglar stopped dead.  Frantically, he
 looked all around.  In a dark corner, he spotted a
 bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
 
 He said to the parrot, "Was that you who said
 Jesus is watching me?"
 
 "Yes," replied the parrot.
 
 The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he
 asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
 
 "Clarence," said the bird.
 
 "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the
 burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
 
 The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the
 doberman Jesus."
 
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 A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
 with her parents.  Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him
 that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first
 time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he
 takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps
 the boy for about an hour.
 
 He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
 Atthe register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like
 to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack.  The boy insists on the
 family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his
 first time and all.
 
 That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his
 girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my
 parents,come on in!". The boy  goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
 where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say
 grace and bows his head.
 
 A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head
 down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally,
 after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and
 whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
 The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
 pharmacist!"
 
 An old one...
 ---------
 
 Father Pat and Father Mike were riding down the highway with Father Pat at the
 wheel.  Father Pat had the pedal to the metal when suddenly a rabbit jumped up
 onto the highway right in front of the car.
 
 Though he did everything he could to miss the little bunny, including throwing
 the car into a spinning locked brakes slide (and almost tipping the car over
 with this maneuver), it was to no avail; the bunny bought the big one. Both
 priests jumped out of the car, ran back to the rabbit to see if there was
 anything that could be done, but alas, it appeared that the rabbit was gone.
 
 Never wanting to give up so long as there was a ghost of a chance, Father Pat
 pulled a bottle out of his pocket and, making the sign of the cross, sprinkled
 a few drops of liquid on the still body of the rabbit.  Instantly it jumped up
 and started waving its little front paws like crazy.
 
 Father Mike looked at Father Pat and said, "It is a miracle!" The rabbit stood
 there and continued to wave at them. Since it appeared that nothing else was
 needed, the two priests returned to the car and Father Pat continued down the
 road. Father Mike kept looking out the back window and for as long as he could
 see the rabbit, it was still standing there, waving at them.
 
 When the rabbit was out of sight, Father Mike sat back and considered the
 sequence of events. Finally his curiousity got the best of him and he said,
 "Father Pat, just exactly what was in that bottle?"
 
 In response, Father Pat pulled the bottle out of his pocket once more and
 handed it to Father Mike, who read the label: "Hair Restorer with Permanent
 Wave!"
 
 From: Dave

Wil Stark, wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com

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