For those of you not in the United States, please use this as a 
 vague guide when preparing your vacation to our country.
 
 ALABAMA: Literacy ain't everything   
                    Ya want fries with dat?
 
 ALASKA:      Come, freeze your butt off
 
 ARIZONA:     Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds
 
 ARKANSAS:    At least we're not Mississippi
 
 CALIFORNIA:  The Granola State
       Nobody's actually from here
       Fast reloading lanes available
       The really long state
 
 COLORADO:    Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here
       Official home of the winter ski bunny
 
 CONNECTICUT: Way too close to New York
 
 DELAWARE:    You'll need a map to find us
       So close to Washington you can smell it
 
 FLORIDA:     The Gunshine State
       Elephant Graveyard; where the old Republicans go to die
       Senior citizen discounts available
       Come, enjoy the humidity
       The snow capital of the US
 
 GEORGIA:     Home of the Rednecks
       Gateway to Florida
       Confederate money welcome
 
 HAWAII:      Sure, we've got Interstates... drive on over
       Book 'em Danno
       Tom Selik, Jack Lord, Don Ho - Paradise!
       Come, get lai-ed
 
 IDAHO:       Ain't nothing here
       We don't care if you spell potato with an "e"
       Land of a billion "eyes"
 
 ILLINOIS:    Land of the voting dead
       Gateway to Iowa
 
 INDIANA:     Home of David Letterman
 
 IOWA:        Just east of Omaha
       It's easy to spell
 
 KANSAS:      Hayfever capital of the Midwest
       Dole slept here
       There's no place like home
       Ya want flat, we got flat
 
 KENTUCKY:    Tobacco is a vegetable
       We're all related
       Gateway to Nashville
 
 LOUISIANA:   Swim the beautiful Bayou
       Cancer Alley's just a name, and names will
        never hurt you
 
 MAINE:       For Sale
       You can spit on Canada from here
 
 MARYLAND:    If it weren't for Washington, you couldn't find us
 
 MASSACHUSETTS:      Home of the young girls from Nantucket,       also
 the home of Ted Kennedy, hmmmm...
 
 MICHIGAN:    Land of the free, home of the Buick
 
 MINNESOTA:   Not Sweden, but we try to act like it
       Sure beats Canada
       Land of 10,000 Flakes
 
 MISSISSIPPI: We're lucky we can spell it
       Why would you want to come here?
 
 MISSOURI:    Gateway to Kansas
       Here's mine, Show Me yours
       We're better than Illinois
 
 MONTANA:     Land of the Big Sky, and very little else
       We've got lots of 10'x10' shacks in the woods
       It's where you're wanted.
       At least our cows are sane.
 
 NEBRASKA:    More corn than Kansas
       Go to Kansas, turn north
 
 NEVADA:      More weirdos than Alaska (warmer too)
       2 words - Death Valley
       3:5 you'll leave broke
       We have our own nuclear testing site
 
 NEW HAMPSHIRE:      Like Old Hampshire, only newer
       About as exciting as Vermont
 
 NEW JERSEY:  You have the right to remain silent,
        You have the right to an attorney...
       Tell 'em Guido sent ya
 
 NEW MEXICO:  Lizards make excellent pets
       We have reservations
       Alien Welcome Center - Roswell
 
 NEW YORK:    At least we're not New Jersey!
       We're more than a big city; we're a state
       Like we CARE about a motto
       English spoken here; sometimes
 
 NORTH CAROLINA:     Five million people; Fifteen last names
       We're bigger than South Carolina
 
 NORTH DAKOTA:       The OTHER South Dakota
 
 OHIO:        Don't judge us by Cleveland
       Proud polluters of Lake Erie
       We're easy to spell
 
 OKLAHOMA:    We're OK, you're NOT!
       I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto
 
 OREGON:      As pretty as California but not as weird
       We're not named after a musical instrument
       You can see the sunset from here
 
 PENNSYLVANIA:       Cook with coal
       Free lube job with oil change
 
 RHODE ISLAND:       Size ain't everything
       Nobody famous came from Rhode Island
 
 SOUTH CAROLINA:     Just south of North Carolina
 
 SOUTH DAKOTA:       Closer than North Dakota
 
 TENNESSEE:   The Educashun State
       Thank goodness we've still got Elvis
       A great fixer-upper
 
 TEXAS:       Si Hablo Ingles
       See, EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas!
 
 UTAH:        Our Jesus is better than your Jesus
       At least our sheep can't talk
 
 VERMONT:     Bet ya can't name 2 of our towns
 
 VIRGINIA:    Please don't confuse us with West Virginia!
 
 WASHINGTON:  We like our state, so STAY OUT!
 
 WEST VIRGINIA:      Where "family values" has a different meaning
 
 WISCONSIN:   Land of funny accents.
       Say "Cheeeese"
 
 WYOMING:     Where men are lonely and sheep are scared
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 50 states, and I had to pick this one...

Wil Stark, wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com

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