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Hit me again!
CAUTION: VIRUS WARNING!
If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it
immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous E-mail virus
yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will
scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice
cream gets melted. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit
cards, screw up the tracking on your video and use subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix
antifreeze into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave
its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit and hide
your car keys when you are late for work. Badtimes will make you fall
in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus
midgets.
It will pour sugar in your petrol tank and shave off both your eyebrows
while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing
the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card. It will seduce your
grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of
Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold
most dear.
It moves your car randomly around car parks so you can't find it. It
will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's
voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous
and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of
mauve.
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat
up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bath and then leave
bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase school children in
your car.
These are just a few of the signs... Be very careful!
Hit me again!
Wil Stark,
wstark04 (at) pobox _dot_com
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