The Unofficial Duke&Banner Autobiography

"CRIMINALS"

MRS. KOJAKU MADE IN JAPAN WITH HEAVENLY CARE & UNDERSTANDING

As we head into the uncharted waters of chapter 6, I discovered a photo of the kind, liberal, and maybe even possibly angelic, Mrs. Kojako, of which we post here. The summer of 64 contained quite a few successes. Propelled by even more nonstop Beatle discs, my burning desire to give listeners alternative music kept me on an even keel.

I also began to analyze radio. KFWB, as wonderful as it had been, was staffed 100% by adults. Make that: Adults with low voices. I’m not complaining. If it weren’t for KFWB I would have never been able to hear Garry Owens in his prime. Owens is known nationally as the deep-voiced radio announcer on Rowan & Martin’s TV Show. But he made his LA media debut a few years earlier during an AFTRA strike at KFWB, where he was a manager. Fact is, his wit ran rings around the regulars. Too bad the strike didn’t last longer!

FM was still yet to be discovered. There were no actual formats. In reality, as I look back, I feel that if I had approached one of the cash-starved FM’s back in ’64, they probably would have welcomed me with open arms, especially when they found out that I wasn’t necessarily interested in money! Format? What format?! KRHM, as Bob would like to point out, was actually trying to make a go out of Caedmon, and other all-talking masterpieces. Weekly shows included Frank Evans’ all comedy show (he liked Jonathan Winters, Bill Cosby, Phyllis Diller, Mort Sahl, Professor Irwin Corey, and a FCC-compatible Lenny Bruce.) In fact, he played just about every San Francisco stand-up who ever made their home at the Hungry-i.

Top Left: Bill Cosby Top Right: JonathanWinters Bot Left: Lenny Bruce Bot Right: Mort Sahl Very Bot: Professor Irwin Corey hungry i reunion video sleve courtesy of: www.rottentomatoes.com

Frank has the distinction of being the 1st ever Sgt. Friday. Yep, before the TV series started, Dragnet was a crime stopper radio show. Jack Webb chose Frank for his deep voice. However, when the offer cam in to make it into a TV show, Frank was dropped like a hot potato for the better looking Ben Alexander.

In his KRHM days, Frank was a Beatnik. Complete with goatee. He smoked grass, hated Rock N’Roll, snapped his fingers instead of clapping, and occasionally threw in colorful Beatnik phrases like:

He wrote (and played on the air) the first version of “Night Before A Hip Christmas” which was shamelessly copied by Edd “Kookie” Byrnes of 77 Sunset Strip fame.

I can hear you asking:

"But Bro Duke, are not the strange words Beatniks used, amazingly similar to the words Shakespeare used?"

Oh my! How observant you are. The results await you when you get to the end of this chapter. Don't say we didn't warn you!!!

One of the last things I did with my Dad also involved Bob. My Dad did have a limited technical background. He repaired radios back in the 30’s, when your basic radio contained a minimal amount of parts. Made it easy to troubleshoot, and half the time the problem turned out to be a tube. The average 6-8 extra parts consisted of resistors and capacitors, and usually gave you a clue that it was bad. If it was green from corrosion, it was probably bad. His knowledge couldn’t hold a flame to a 60’s radio with 30-40 extra parts; a 60’s Color TV with 200-300 extra parts, or today’s computerized equipment.

And so, one of my summer goals was to build my first 2-stage transmitter. Wow! Two tubes!! I borrowed a tube from an old TV set that was donated to us. I should say here that my Dad was helping me on my way to crime. He was the one who brought me the TV. So you see, it’s not my fault!! And yes, like others, this masterpiece was built on a slightly sturdier baking pan, appropriated from my Mom. The TV tube I borrowed was a huge power tube, with a big fat metal plate cap on top to carry the high voltage. Usually these caps were covered with a ceramic insulator to protect you from shock hazards. Mine wasn’t. Safety? What safety?!

I wasn’t exactly sure how it was working, so I enlisted in my Dad and his Chevy, just in case it was going further than I expected. Right at the time we were about to test, who should knock on the door, but Bob. It reminded me of the intro to “Science Fiction Theater” with your host Truman Bradley. “Can 2 tubes broadcast Bobby Rydell further away than anything so far? Let me show you something interesting…”

TV GUIDE AD: circa 1956 from Chicago. Top Right is Host Truman "let me show you something interesting" Bradley, playing with a state-of- the-art (for tv) robot. The bottom pix shows a man operating a state-of-the- art computer. Quit laughing! Image Courtesy: Joe Sarno

I led Bob to the garage, where the X-2 was warming up. “Go ahead, touch the cap...” My dad egged Bob. It was true. I showed my dad that I could draw an arc about ½ inch from the cap, just by placing the screwdriver near it. But unfortunately, Bob wasn’t so gullible. In fact, I think Bob’s actual comments were a little less flattering upon seeing yet another cake pan reduced to holding various electronic parts: “It looks like you made an even bigger electronic abortion!” He crowed.

Putting a stack of records on and ignoring the negativity, we hopped into the family Station Wagon. After the radio warmed up, I was happy to hear that it was actually overloading the car radio. It had a nice wide tuning range, and hum appeared when you set the dial in the middle of the channel, where all the power is. It showed promise…in front of the house.

However, it was beginning to fade as we approached the river, so we headed back. And so, what did Duke learn from the mess? Radio transmitters need tuned circuits to be very close to whatever frequency you want to broadcast on! Duh!! What I created (and I sorta laugh when I look back at this) was actually more similar to a Van De Graf generator.

So what I was probably doing during that brief 20 minute experiment was interfering with virtually every TV, Radio, and Telephone in the block. Every TV Channel, Every Radio Channel...Hey! Bobby Rydell was probably even coming out of my neighbor's flourescent light fixtures! Hmmpf, not a good day for McGiver.

SIDE NOTE: The Internet never ceases to amaze me. In researching this chapter, I discovered that not only is there a Science Fiction Theater website out there, but a pretty complete one as well. This guy in Chicago took the entire series, as listed in TV Guide and reprinted the capsulized summarys with the air dates of every show!

The Ziv TV series originally aired from 1955 to 1957, and re-ran for many years thereafter. It’s sorta like a McGiver series, except based more on science. Host Truman Bradley started with a science demonstration, and then the fiction part would take over as he introduced the drama, based on the demonstration. How well did they do in their predictions? Not bad. As we look back, one episode dealt with a robotic computer-controlled car. The Global Positioning Satellites make that idea very possible. Another episode featured human guinea pigs testing out genetically altered food. I believe we're doing that right now, whether you like it or not. And still another explored the possibility of creating artificial life in a test tube. We are also doing that right now, making every fundy see red.

Every ending had Bradley proudly reading an issue of Scientific American. I looked inside a Scientific American once. Man, it’s even above my head!

A tip o’ the Duke&Banner hat for doing all that research, Joe! Just stay away from magazines geared toward scientific geniuses.

I’m not exactly sure just what my dad did for a living, because a lot of it was secret. He worked for Aerojet, which made rockets and stuff for the military. I do remember what he did, however, when my Mom hit him with Divorce Papers and a restraining order. He hit the fan. I was fortunately in the garage when he started smashing things. Fortunately, none of my things!

But the sound of 2 GE Clock Radios, and various and sundry other stuff hitting the bedroom floor was not a happy sound. I tried to humor him when he began throwing some of the pieces out the back door. He fortunately managed to control his rage and split for places unknown. On the positive side, there were no more Monday night fights. And…more free parts. Uhh...the ones that survived, that is.

And so, as the waning days of summer alerted me for yet another year of classes that I didn’t want, I discovered an interesting catalog that I DID want. Enter a Fair Radio Sales---A company in Ohio that specialized in US Military Surplus electronic equipment from WWII, including TRANSMITTERS! The government paid hundreds of bucks for these well-made jewels, but hey…the war’s over, we won, and there’s a lot of leftover stuff!

Yes, just like Earl Madman Muntz, Fair Radio’s catalog sez: “We got ‘em all stored in a warehouse up to the rafters, and they gotta go! Make us a deal and it’s yours.” Jeez, I was like a kid in a candy store. Of course, none of the transmitters were for use on the Commercial AM Broadcast Band, but they could be modified.

So I scraped together some bucks by promising my Mom that the transmitter would curtail any more “appropriations” of her prized baking pans. In a week, a nice UPS man delivered my 1^st ARC-5 Aircraft Communication Transmitter, shiny and new in the original factory box. Original military cost: well over $200. My cost, including shipping: $16.95. A Steal!

Also offered for a low price was the separate ARC-5 Modulator and “power supply.” I put power supply in quotes because it’s amazing that this unit was ever in an airplane. Since the vacuum tubes required hundreds of volts, and since a plane normally runs on 28 volts, a means is needed to up the voltage. And although light-weight vibrators were available (like the ones used in old tube-type car radios) the government insisted on something called a Dynamoter. That’s a device more commonly called a motor-generator. It has a huge, heavy, expensive, and noisy motor to spin magnets around at about 1500 RPM. And because the motor draws so much power, the efficency is awful! A vibrator for this transmitter would draw about 20 watts. The dynamoter uses a whopping 100 watts to do the same thing, plus it weighs an extra 22 pounds! Multiply that 22 pounds by the amount of other electronic devices in an airplane and you probably could carry a couple more soldiers.

Note the big ceramic insulator on front. That's the Antenna Connector.	That BIG round thing on the back is the dynamotor. Boy does it whine!	Started in 1947, the boss's son has now taken over the business. On the front page is a FM transmitter kit for $12.99! Fair Radio Website

And so, as the Robert Hall clothing store chain radio commercial on KFWB reminded me of the bad news ahead (ICK!) I started tinkering with my new toy!

School bells ringin', Children singin'...It’s back to Robert Hall again, Mother knows for better clothes...It’s back to Robert Hall again You’ll save more for clothes for school, Shop at Robert Hall. DOUBLE ICK!!