The Unofficial Duke & Banner Autobiography

"CRIMINALS"

Important Note: We start out chapter 10 in a whole different light. If you haven't seen our LA nuclear attack page yet, please view it. It documents an experiment that created 6 million Los Angeles Guinea Pigs in a secret experiment that only the US Government knew about. Below are the top hits being played on the radio while everyone was being irradiated, including yours truly.

Also, we have been receiving quite a few e-mail comments and personal accounts on the history pages, which have heretofore not been posted. We've re-vamped the letters section, now listed by category, so you might want to visit the letters section of this here website.

For those who have taken the time to write us, here's a tip o' the Duke&Banner hat, and a gracious & belated Thank You!

Golly Gee, a White Front Poster! For you purists out there, this White Front flyer is a re-creation, in order to load faster. If I just took a snapshot, it would be about 500KB and take forever to load on a phone-line modem. Here were lookin' at just a few kilobytes. I know what yer thinking: If it's called White Front, why is it on Yellow paper?? I don't know, go figure. All I did is re-create the thing.

Of particular note is #22 "Unless You Care" which received almost no airplay, and quickly made it to the 39 cent discount pile, distributed to various stores nationwide by Sutton Distributors. While Thrifty Drug Stores continued their 10 cent sales, Sutton's 39 cent (or 4 for a buck) was a step-up in quality, offering hits right off the survey. They are called "cut outs" (after the albums) which had one corner cut off.

Sutton drilled holes into boxes of 45's, not always drilling in the exact location they intended. ABC-Paramount Distributors had their own way of marking cut outs: They employed a worker to hand-stamp each 45 with a gold star. AWWW! How romantic!

We played Unless You Care and threw it into our 50's mix. But check out #40, which has a * because it is a re-release on a different label. Bobby Fuller is important for two reasons, one is that his next release "I Fought The Law" became my unofficial theme song. And as it turns out, Bobby made a personal appearance at DHS. He would die soon thereafter under very mysterious circumstances. I was one of the last people to meet, and actually talk to him. He will be discussed at length in the next chapter.

From Chapter 9, one gets the feeling that all of the KDHS DJ's recruited were dudes. Not entirely. She didn't last long, but she made a big impression. She was about 200 pounds and had a problem. At age 17, she didn't wash very well. Maybe she was crossed with a skunk? I don't know. All I can tell you is, put her in a small, hot, cramped studio and you'll be praying that there's a window to open. In this case, there wasn't...or if there was, it wasn't large enough. So we appropriately named her Annie Fannie and gave her a theme song.

"Annie Fannie" by the Kingsmen wasn't exactly a chart-topper, though it did get some local airplay in the summer of '65, and alot of airplay on KDHS. Every time I played the thing, it conjured up odiferous memories.

I'm thinking the poor girl was just like everyone else in my life: She had bad parents who didn't care about her, and suffered from child abuse and/or neglect. It's just amazing to me how many people in my life turned out kinked because of it.

I've been getting comments [from around the world] to get a little more technical, so we'll start with the internal workings of the KDHS transmitter right about the time I aquired the White Front flyer:

Very Primitive KDHS Transmitter

Talk about Stone Age! The tuning consisted of a variable capacitor and oscillator coil removed from an old AM radio. Hi-Fi fans will remember the 6550 as a super-duper 6L6. The output-tuning coil feeding the antenna is a Miller 6300. Mostly these parts are NOT available today, and must be scrounged from old radios at the flea market. Please don't scrounge them from old, wonderful, classic radios. There's lots of junk out there made just for you.

Avid radio technicians will also note a fatal flaw. The antenna [that triangular thing] is connected to the plate without any tuning coils, other than the plate coil. In short, the transmitter has no problems radiating harmonics all the way up to your favorite TV channels and beyond! And since there's no coupling capacitor, that antenna has 300 volts of knee-jerking, raw DC power! Thank God it didn't fall on somebody.

Although there is no crystal control, the oscillator coil removed from an old radio was fairly stabile. The internal resistance of the coil prevented the 6550 from giving it's true rated output. At this point, I began my search for a 1620KHZ crystal, and a way to match the intensely short antenna to the rig.

There is more technical info as you read on.

With no dad and no car [the state confiscated his '58 Chevy Station Wagon for some unknown reason] testing the signal became a chore. Just because Bob could hear it clearly a few miles away didn't mean that others could hear it in another direction. And so, what does a radio engineer do for automated programming before the days of computers? Of course, head to the VM turntable! Loaded with as many as 10 albums, it could theoretically keep the kids dancing in front of their radio for a whopping 5 hours.

You have to hand it to Voice Of Music, they designed a type of Rube Goldberg mechanism. Mr. Rother would be proud! It actually detects the size of the record to be played, continues to play whatever's loaded onto it, and shuts off when done. Ahh, I can hear you all asking: "Hey, Duke...how does a VM turntable work?" Funny you should ask that...there's a colorful table below that explains the whole shebang. (Ooh-Ooh-Ooh-Ooh Shebang)

In researching this section, we discovered that VM Turntables and parts still survive on the web! It's lovingly hosted by Gary Stork, and for a walk down the VM memory lane, check out the Official VM Website: Here.

VM-1200 circa 1958	VM-950 circa 1953

(ABOVE) The 10" lever is marked by the red arrow; the 12" one by the green arrow.

I eventually collected 2 of the model 1200 and modified them for manual use by cutting off the tall automatic spindle and yanking out the guts of the mechanism. VM's have powerful motors and are very good for tight cueing of a record. With this revelation, VM enthusiasts are probably sticking pins in bearded dolls and yelling out "Duke!"

The Achilles Heel of just about any automatic changer or jukebox is the reject trip mechanism at the end of the record. The VM castoff ones I used in particular were prone to getting gummed up. Unfortunately most people (including me) didn't do anything until it started skipping at the end of a record. By then, the needle had already done lethal damage to Monarch Polystyrene discs; with vinyl, it did a bang-up job of removing all the highs.

On any record changer that you are using today, make sure you protect your records by having a qualified serviceman de-gunk your mechanism on a regular basis. Using WD-40 or some chemical degreaser is only a temporary fix. The reject mechanism must be disassembled and dipped in a tank for proper cleaning and protection of your records. If you don't have a tank, find somebody who does.

And so, one afternoon, I decided to test in all directions by walking around with my radio. I put on a couple of oldies albums. One in particular we still play on the air. "The Best 20 Original Oldies" on the Almor label retailed for $1.98 at White Front in 1965, and contained mostly vintage Melba, Caprice, and Warwick hits. Of particular note was a song by Bob Crewe, who at the time was making millions producing all of the Four Seasons songs. He's a great producer. He's an awful singer! Yup, sure not to be on his resume is the 1909 Yale Glee Club song, done in that popular Big Band format, called "The Whiffenpoof Song."

I can hear you all asking: What's a Wiffenpoof, and is it Gay? Sorry, try calling the Yale Glee Club for your answer.

At any rate, this little ditty rose on the Billboard Hot 100 charts all the way to the coveted #96 position in February, 1960. Which means that there was only 4 records that were worse.

And so, as the VM segued into the "Whiffenpoof" cut, it seemed to be registering a complaint. There I was, blocks away from the transmitter, and what should happen? It started to skip. Oh, what wonderful programming! Bob Crew repeating over and over again: "Baaa...[click]...baaaa...[click]...baaa..." Yup, my reject mechanism was gummed up. This incident spawned KDHS Rule #2: Never Leave The Turntable Unattended.

The next day had me forcing Bob to be vertical and check the signal with my transistor radio, while I stayed at home hoping for the best. Yeah, but...I almost fell to the floor when he came back, a hour later.

And so, after a totally useless test, I came upon KDHS Rule #3: Never assume Bob will ever do what you want. If it involves people seeing him, just like his totem animal, the deer, he will run away. So I shot copious amounts of WD-40 into the VM and violated Rule #2. The test was successful. 10 watts was covering all of Duarte, and parts of Monrovia.

Eventually it dawned on me that my location was not exactly the best. What good is it if most of the signal is entertaining the numerous snakes, lizards, and tarantulas that dotted the desert landscape? Ahh, but Bob was centrally located in the armpit of beautiful downtown Duarte, on a luxurious street named Santo Domingo! And so, using Bob's Little Red Waggie, we trucked the equipment and antenna to his house. Mom and Dad were thrilled to see their son socializing with someone...anyone!* [opinions may vary on this] And Bob didn't mind the least when he lost the use of his train layout table in order to assemble the broadcast equipment.* [opinions may vary on this, too] But the fact of the matter was, KDHS was now serving all of Duarte, most of Monrovia, and even the snakes in the vast Duarte-Azusa desert could hear some fuzz.

"Do The Mouse" 4/65 #76	Soupy Hard At Work

Perhaps the most notorious TV show in the mid 60's was The Soupy Sales Show, which aired on ABC-TV. Pie fights were something The Three Stooges pioneered, but Soupy took it to the next level, with daily occurrences and the hint of eroticism.

With that in mind, what better way to introduce prospective new DJ's to the joys of pies?

And so, with the newly acquired KDHS studios at Bob's, irregular weekly broadcasting started in February of '66. Sometimes after school, sometimes on a week-end, and sometimes outdoors! The weather in the LA area allowed us to do backyard broadcasting and/or taping. One of the first to tape an outdoor show was Jim Salamone.

So I thought: Motorcycle clubs have initiations, why not KDHS? At the time, Banquet Frozen Cream Pies were selling for the low overhead price of 50 cents at your local supermarket. You had your choice of Lemon Cream, Chocolate Cream, or Banana Cream. Mmmm! I chose Banana.

About half way through the show, in the middle of introducing a record, listeners heard Jim getting pied. They also heard one of Bob's dogs quickly moving in to clean off Jim's face. This was a large, 9 inch pie...almost a pound in weight. Way too much for Jim's small frame to absorb it all.

And so, a few seconds after Jim had started "Cowboy In The Continental Suit" by Marty Robbins, Bob was first to note that the tape recorder had stopped! A small amount of banana-like substance (only Banquet knows what it really is) had lodged into my Bell Sound Reel-To-Reel tape recorder mechanism, engulfing the pinch roller. Much more was splattered on a nearby wall. The other dog was licking the wall.

I cleaned off as much as possible with a Kleenex and continued recording without bothering to stop the turntable. Why should I wanna stop the Turntable?

Actual Banquet Banana Cream Pie---circa 1965.

And so, listeners heard a slightly edited version of "Cowboy In A Continental Suit." Jim loved every minute of his indoctrination. [Individual opinions my vary on this*]

I found a neat website with old products from the 30's to the 70's. It's here

Alpha Beta was located at Huntington & Buena Vista St, Duarte	Bell Brand Potato Chips only 39 cents in 1965	Market Basket was located in nearby Azusa, behind Thrifty

Great Moments In Baseball Marketing: In 1958, the first year that the Brooklyn Dodgers called Los Angeles their home, Bell Brand Potato Chips had a great idea: Why not offer baseball cards with Dodger team favorites?! Unfortunately, the cards were unwrapped, and great at soaking up all the flavorful, artery-clogging hydrogenated oil in Bell Brand's wonderfully greasy potato chips. The result was a blurry picture, with brown stains running through it. Bell Brand, by the way, was located in Cudahy, nowhere near the Southern California town of Bell, of which it was named.

It's sorta unfortunate, but if you've checked in your supermarket lately, you'll discover that, just like Clear Channel, virtually all potato chips are manufactured by one, huge company based in Texas: Frito-Lay.

OK it's time for a Bald Eagle Wilkie ad-dem-dum: Yes, I finally got Electronics class in my senior year. That didn't mean anything had calmed down between me and the Attendance Supervisor. To wit: The food! Bob was happy bringing his bagged lunch of a peanut butter sandwich on white bread, Hydrox cookies, and milk. He had the same food day after day. He ate just like a deer!

He carried it, along with a dozen books and other stuff...in his suitcase...because he didn't want to bother memorizing a locker combination. Now you tell me: Do you know anybody who carries a suitcase to High School? Have any songs ever been written about a guy that brings a suitcase to High School? NO! I swear, it was big enough to hide a bomb. Maybe a peanut butter bomb, but nevertheless, a bomb! Today the security guards would be searching him for contraband.

For me, I was getting very tired of the DHS cafeteria cheeseburgers. They had some sort of awful green colored slime that sat on top of the burger. It was some sort of dressing. No lettuce, no tomato, no onion...just green slime. ICK! But it gets us to another colorful table:

You gotta hand it to Bob. 40 years of eating the same basic 8 food items. Oh sure, we did occasionally go out an eat burgers. As long as Bob was in a car, where nobody could look at him, everything was fine. In a regular restaurant? Forget it! In and Out and Bob's Big Boy were local haunts, as was the Azusa McDonalds, or the Duarte McDonalds where Don Pritchard got his first job.

But at home, Bob's "8 item food law" goes into effect. There's another law...It's called the "Nothing needs to be washed law." Sure, he uses a knife to spread the peanut butter. Sure, he uses a cup to hold the soda. But why does anything need to be washed? I'm not making this up! He's used the same cup to hold soda for over 40 years! And after 40 years of not seeing soap, the inside of the cup is stained to a sickly dark brown color. Who knows what germs and virii have been multiplying there for over 4 fuckin' decades? Jeez, maybe even Polio germs!

The Bob's Big Boy Diners still exist all around the US, and some even offer "Car Hop Service" like this one in Burbank. It's unknown if the Hops still ride around on roller skates, but it is the same as you remember from the 50's. You eat off a metal tray that hangs from your car window. Hopefully there's also a jukebox nearby.

I'm really glad you want to! Believe it or don't, you are a very special person for wanting this. Right now, you're probably thinking that you want to improve radio, by playing music that nobody else is. You can do this, plus much more!

Please consider a slightly higher goal. More important than anything you'll do on the radio right now is Public Relations. You can be a lightning rod. You can send a message that will echo all the way back to Washington. If you're a kid, you can send suit and tie politicians running for cover. You will be a hero! People will talk about you for years to come. They may even write about you in history books.

If you do this, my entire life will have not been in vain, and this website will have proven its usefulness. You will make America better for everyone.

If you don't do this, by the time I die, people will be getting all their news filtered from One Big Propaganda Corporation. Lots of people will be homeless and without jobs. Kids will be secretly poisoned and killed by the government, and the true source will never be told. Wars will continue to be fought on foreign lands for bogus reasons. Millions will die.

Now do you see how important you really are? And so, here's an outline for you, which shouldn't take more than a month of your time.

1) Find out what bad things are going on in your city. Is crime out of control? Is it like mine, with kids as young as 12 getting drafted into gangs? Is there little or no media help, other than documenting the carnage? Have the police asked the public for help? Is the public outraged?

2) Write a few of your local stations via snail mail, both commercial and non-commercial; AM & FM. Propose to them a program that addresses these problems and needs. Include your phone number. Note: You can still play whatever songs you want, all we're suggesting is, in-between songs, mention something that needs to be said; something that no one else is saying. Document all of your communication with the stations.

3) Wait a couple of weeks. Has anybody called you back? Call the station manager. Document or record the entire conversation. Ask him if he's read your letter and what is he going to do about it. If he's a typical corporate suit and tie, he will probably be non-committal on your suggestion, or he will tell you it needs to be approved by a higher-up. Tell him how urgent this is. Pay close attention to the news. Has violence escalated? Tell him about it. Tell him what you want to do about it. Continue calling every few days, until he tells you to "get lost."

3a) Don't overlook your local Mom and Pop AM station. There are a few left, and they're probably starved for money. They would probably love to have you on late at night, if not for security issues, just to make a few bucks. Offer 'em say, $25 smackolas a broadcast. You should be able to make that up by selling commercials.

3b) Also, when you consider that most conglomerate stations run computers all night long re-broadcasting the same crap they did earlier in the day, there's absolutely no reason for them to deny you access for a free weekly program. Who's listening at midnite, or 3AM?

4) OK, a month has passed and virtually every station manager has finally told you to get lost. Got your documentation? Is it complete? Great! Order your transmitter, set it up, and begin some experimental broadcasting.

5) Pay a visit to your largest local newspaper, and a TV news station not affiliated with any of the conglomerates that you begged. Show them the documentation, and tell them your story. Give the reporters a few sound bites:

Invite them over to watch you broadcast. Impress upon them that it's a five year prison sentence for exercising what's supposed to be your right to free speech, and all you're doing is trying to save lives.

Finally, we suspect that you will also need some personal supervision from us. Please don't hesitate to drop us a note.

Here's an alternative for you tekkies out there, if you got the aptitude, lots of bucks, and really want to learn broadcasting, we suggest contacting The Society Of Broadcast Engineers. It's not an easy course, but when you graduate, they have one thing you don't: A placement service.

There's really no reason these days to build something from scratch and run experiment after experiment like I did. There are so many kits available that are so cheap, even a child can do it!

If you don't have any experience, a good entry-level FM MONO transmitter like the Datakit 80-320 is the way to go. Hey kids, don't buy a stereo kit unless you're experienced like Jimi Hendrix. You'll have to modify the Mono Datakit, as it comes with a built-in microphone, and you don't want that if you're going to broadcast music. Very easy to do, and we can show you how.

You can also soup-up any kit simply by boosting the battery voltage and/or replacing the final amp with a larger transistor.

Warning: It's illegal if you do this. The FCC can trace your location and break down your door lickety-split.

You can buy a kit at our local wholesale electronics store for the amazingly low overhead price of $8.95, and for an extra $6.50, it can be shipped anywhere in the USA. It comes with lots of documentation and even a special website to teach you theory, so you can't go wrong. It's a $15 Electronics class, designed just for you.

To order, contact our local Basham's electronic supply at (707) 527-6000, or send a check for $15.45 to:
Basham's 345 West College Av, Santa Rosa, 95401

Disclaimer: Remember this is just a kit to get your feet wet. As with all simple transmitters, the frequency stability is not too good, and without an audio limiter, the modulation is prone to distortion. Also, you'll need to have some soldering experience before you start.

We will cover audio limiters in the next chapter. Oddly enough, I wasn't able to find a cheap kit. Datakit offers one, but it really sucks as a limiter, and is more intended as a phono pre-amp.

Funny you should ask that. Here's an instant way you can do TV broadcasts throughout your home, and maybe even next door and beyond. Got an old VCR? If not, go buy one while you still can. Best Buy sells them for around $50. See that jack labeled: "To TV?" Great! Stick a piece of wire approximately 4 feet long into the center conductor. Then choose either channel 3 or 4.

Any tape you stick in and play will be going out over the airwaves. If you press "Record" anything you would normally be recording is going out. If you just want audio, plug in a CD player into the "audio in" jack, press record, and broadcast all your favorite Perry Como records onto nearby TV sets. (The TV will need recieve antenna, like a rabbit ear or a similar length of wire.)

Want to broadcast a little further? Put the VCR up on your roof and connect an outdoor TV antenna to it. You'll need a balun to match the 300-ohm antenna to your 75 ohm VCR. Or you could stick a linear amp at the output of the VCR and be like NBC. However, that's against the law! But the possibilities are many. And as we speak, the FCC is considering allowing you to broadcast up to 4 watts of power without a license. The NAB and other lobbyists are bribing your elected officials, however, so that this never happens. But keep your fingers crossed!

Look, I'm an old stick-in-the-mud when it comes to metric. Metric is British. Another British invasion on my damn homeland!! As it turns out, radio was metric from the git-go. It's widely accepted that radio was invented by an Italian named Giglio Marconi. And good ol' Henirich Hertz is the German dude who brought us frequency measurement. (He also started a popular car rental company.)

Yes, way back when radio was just a spark-gap with no modulation, this dude figured out mathematically how long an antenna should be. And so, even in the good ol' USA, the formula is in METERS. Virtually every radio application that the FCC approves has to have the antenna length translated to FEET. So here, is a handy math formula for figuring out how long your 1/4 wavelength totally vertical antenna should be IN FEET:

That's the frequency in mega-hertz divided by 234. So if you have a transmitter operating at 88.1Mhz, the length would be 5.31 feet, or 63.6 inches. Similarly, my 1620 kilo-hertz expressed in mega-hertz is 1.62, and the optimum length is 144.5 feet. At this point, I barely had 40 feet, which shows you what sort of battle I was waging.

There's a website that will calculate your antenna length in feet and meters for the rest of you out there, and it's here. Keep in mind that this site calculates to1/2 wavelength. To get 1/4, you have to divide by 2.

A final note about Khz. Prior to 1965, it was called Kilocycles or Kcs. After 1965, the FCC forced everyone to adopt Khz, or Kilo-hertz. Did they ask anybody first? NO! They're just like a bunch of stupid Taurii, and they're all out to get me!! So there I was...1965...and being force-fed even more British stuff! ICK! I think it was Paul Revere and the Raiders who said: "Give me a Kilocycle or give me death!"

Marconi, by the way had a movie named after him last year starring Ben Afflick as Giglio Marconi. But unfortunately, it wasn't very popular.

As mentioned above, Marconi took Hertz's invention a step further by discovering how to modulate the Hertz's spark-gap signal. The first record he played over the air was "Danke Shoen" By Wayne Newton. Hertz was so thrilled that he married Marconi. They modulated together. Then they formed a radio company named Queer Channel. Oh, but I digress....

Finally, I cannot stress enough about location, location, location! A 1 watt FM transmitter at an elevation of, say, 800 feet will go for miles and miles and miles. But you don't want to do that with these kits. They can very easily interfere with airplanes at that elevation, and under the governments Patriot Act, you absolutely don't want to do that! Hey kids, they can put you in prison and not even bother to prove that you're guilty.

When we left you in the last chapter, we were describing Bob's little red waggie. I don't mean to belittle the guy, but he's 16 years old. While most kids are dreaming of getting a car, Bob's still playing with his toys. To be more specific, he's building his toys. And in this case, it's not yet a little red waggie. No, it's the world's first Mobile-Home-Dog-House!

Now, a normal dog would enjoy running after his master's bicycle [hell, my dog was able to keep up with my motorcycle] but no...not Bob's dogs. And so, the theory was: Both of Bob's dogs could lay horizontal, inside the Mobile Home Dog House, while Bob hauled it around, hitched directly to his bicycle. Aaah, but just like a Ford SUV with Overloaded Firestone Tires, the mobile home's maiden voyage ended in tragedy!

Yup, crank up the Fleetwoods, call CHP, and notify Triple A! There in the middle of Central Avenue, just east of Santo Domingo...right in front of Westminster Gardens...was Bob's Personal Tragedy: An overweight and overturned mobile home wreckage. The dogs fortunately made it out alive! But they were forced to be vertical and walk all the way back home, a distance of two entire city blocks. Oh, such a tragedy!

Coming in Chapter 11: Monrovia capacitor manufacturer Dilectron gets angry and calls the cops on Dow Radio; Neighbors get angry and want to call the cops on Duke; Bobby Fuller Four Fizzes at Duarte High School; Bob's transistor radio; Drive In Movie Theatres; Everything you ever wanted to know about Audio Limiters.