Funny, I feel okay...
Seen a while back in a shopping mall, where a booth was selling automatic massages in special massage chairs: a sign next to where one paid to sign up for massage time.
Warning
- You are receiving medical treatments or are feeling ill.
- Your body shows any acute symptoms.
- You have malignant tumor.
- You have heart disease.
- You are Pregnant or having a menstrual period.
- Your doctor has ordered you to rest.
- You have a back disorder resulting from an accident or disease.
- You have osteoporosis.
- You desire to use the massage chair for the treatment of an injury. [Ah, so the sign is psychic, too.]
- You have a high fever.
- You have sensory disorders. [That one, at least, is correct.]
- You have a medical electrical device (e.g. pacemaker).
- You have severe interruption in the circulation of the legs
- You are a diabetic.
I had no idea I was such a sick puppy. And here I am casually looking at massage chairs instead of getting the hell to my doctor to treat my heart disease, osteoporosis, diabetes, poor circulation, fever, and all the other symptoms I didn't even know I had (including my pregnancy, which really upset me, since Denise and I have always been so careful about taking precautions). The sign wasn't finished with me yet, though.
- The chair will be hold up to 220 LB for your weight. [I don't even know where to start with that one.]
- Please do not use the chair under 18 years old. [Well, OK, I'll go use the rocking chair over there, then.]
Richard Lederer would have a field day with this one...
Posted by Zathras at August 22, 2003 05:10 PM