Zathras' Great Machine

I finally found it!

Jeez! Back when I was living in Bratt and hanging out at the bookstore 36 hours a day, Rob Purinton (the owner, proprietor, and sole employee) told me about a humorous feminist poem dedicated, in large part, to Lucy Lawless, portrayer of "Xena" (one of my favorite shows). I've been looking for it on and off for the past several years, and I finally found the damn thing. Turns out it's from a dedication in a book of fantasy short stories called, "Did You Say Chicks?!", written mostly by women. Here 'tis:

Hail to thee, O Lucy Lawless,
Xena actress great and flawless!
Beacon by whom we all steer
In this book. Wish you were here.
Thou who art a constant charmer,
Thou who wearest way cool armor,
Thou who provest, day by day,
Women have a lot to say
Weather sword or child in hand,
Spread our message through the land!
Say to every mother’s son:
“We are strong, but we’re still fun.
“Do not fear us, do not hate us,
“Never, never underrate us.
“We are Women, aye, you betcha.
“Want to rile us? We won’t letcha.
“Weather what we choose to don
“From Frederick’s comes or Pentagon,
What we wear don’t signify
“Diddlysquat, for by and by
“You will learn (as most men do)
“We’re your equals. Whoop-de-doo.”
So once more, thee do we hail,
Lucy Lawless, and the Grail
Of full-fledged equality
Which we hope we’ll live to see.
Thou who art, in syndication,
Hope of all the female nation,
Thou whom sponsors court and coddle,
Thou, our daughters’ chief role model,
Thou who play’st no girlie games
But kickest butt and takest names,
Please accept this book, with thanks
From thy sisters in the ranks.