So Denise and I had another nice and pleasant day, or somewhat... I suggested visiting a museum, and she chose the Museum of Natural History. It has a typical museum mixture of displays that are fascinating (formation of the solar system, collections of meteorites, geology) and others that are dreadfully boring (native South American cultures -- sorry, I know that's going to offend someone, but I think it's dreadfully dull stuff).
I also had my first run-in with a breeder. I was looking at a display at one point and standing next to a woman who had a young sprog, probably not even old enough to walk yet... as I was looking at the display, the sprog suddenly cut loose with an earshattering scream. The problem is, for most people, that's just a nuisance or irritation, but because of my autistic neurology, my hearing is unusually acute, which means that if I hear a loud noise (particularly if it's a very high-pitched one, as sprog screams usually are), it's not just annoying, it's actually physically painful.
So the sprog screamed, and I grabbed my head, plugged my ears, and gasped out loud, "Aigh!" and staggered away. (Which was not an act. Well, it may have been a little bit of an exaggeration, but not much of one.) I walked over to stand by Denise to wait, either for the sprog and breeder to leave or for the sprog to fall silent. I would have been content to leave things at that. The breeder, however, was displeased, and decided to say so.
Breeder: Haven't you ever heard a child cry before? That's what children do, after all.
Me: Yes, I have, but that doesn't mean I enjoy it.
Breeder (sarcastic): Well, I'm sorry, I certainly didn't mean to offend you.
Me (quite sincerely): It's OK, it's not your fault, it's the child's, I don't blame you for it.
I guess that kind of threw her, since she just shook her head, looked exasperated, and left.
Someone want to tell me why my behavior was offensive? I mean, I know I'm not the crown prince of tact or anything, but I really don't see any reason that I should have to stand quietly, subjecting myself to physical discomfort, out of "courtesy" under such circumstances. Baby screams hurt, and I'm not going to try to tolerate them just to avoid offending someone else's sensibilities. If I'm near you and your child, and your child screams, I'm either going to move or (more rarely) ask you to move, depending on the circumstances. I may even move away if your child isn't screaming, just so I can be at a distance in case the child does scream. If that offends you, tough luck -- unless you can give me a good reason I should have to stand nearby and suffer. (I'm not holding my breath.)
Damn. You know, I don't care much for children, especially when they scream, but let's face it -- as the breeder said, it's what children do, they don't know any better, so you certainly can't blame a child for screaming. But what excuse do breeders have for expecting everyone to tolerate (or even love) their sprogs?
OK, rant mode off... *grumble*
Anyway. Denise and I saw a number of enjoyable displays and a number of boring ones... my own favorite, of course, was the Hall of Gems and Minerals, which includes, among other things, the Hope Diamond. Fun day. We wrapped up by sitting outside briefly thinking about dinner and finally deciding to go to the Chinese place at the Silver Spring Metro stop because we couldn't think of anything better. We had a good meal and amused ourselves by listening to a couple of older NTs at the next table, prattling on about the things that were incredibly important to them but desperately dull to us.
We then headed home, relaxed for a bit, and watched the conclusion of "Battlestar Galactica" together. The show did have one or two flaws -- most notably, why did the Cylons choose to attack on the same day they knew the Galactica was being decommissioned? Wouldn't it have made more sense to wait until the ship was out of service? (A more minor one that Denise pointed out: how can these people have such advanced space travel, including FTL capability, but not be able to treat cancer?) Overall, though, I liked the show a lot, and I'd definitely like to see it become a series. The original "Galactica" had some very serious flaws and was also pretty juvenile, whereas this one had only minor flaws and was much more mature and adult.
And that's the news for Tuesday...
Posted by Zathras at December 10, 2003 12:08 AM"Someone want to tell me why my behavior was offensive?"
You weren't showing adoration for the kid. Social rules say that when a toddler misbehaves in public, all adults are supposed to either ignore it or react as if it were cute. I actually had been watching the mother/son duo for quite a while before that point, and the reason the kid was screaming was flat-out because he was a spoiled brat -- he was doing it any time she interfered with what he wanted. Parents of brats almost invariably become equivalently aggressive if *they* are interfered with, rather like big brats themselves.
"...it's what children do, they don't know any better, so you certainly can't blame a child for screaming."
Actually, I don't think that it is just what children do... Screaming (or violence) is something people of any age do when they lack other means of communication. Kids that are given a way to express themselves *and* are listened to tend to not scream. I personally blame the mother (or whoever the primary caretaker is) for not only dragging a little kid into a museum WAY before he was old enough to appreciate it, but for not giving him the tools to tell her what the hell he wanted instead of screaming.
"But what excuse do breeders have for expecting everyone to tolerate (or even love) their sprogs?"
It's a flimsy social 'excuse' built up by people pretending to adore their kids all the time. Every time somebody insincerely goes on about how cute, bright, adorable, blah blah blah a kid is in order to fit the social script, it reinforces the "must worship at all expense" attitude breeders have. I'll praise a kid honestly IF it deserves it, but I don't play the social game that makes the whole child-worshipping situation worse.
"The original "Galactica" had some very serious flaws and was also pretty juvenile, whereas this one had only minor flaws and was much more mature and adult."
The only beef I had in this regard was the handling of sexual stuff & women. That still came across a lot like the stereotypical adolescent male fantasy that has given SF a bad rep. :-/ There was also the question of how the kids from a planet hit by *nukes* are not all going to die or at least be extremely ill from radiation exposure.
Posted by: Moggy at December 10, 2003 12:51 AMWhen I was young I trained myself not to react to pain/loud noises, people touching me, etc. When I hear loud noises I don't react at all (externally), although I get tunnel vision or can't see/feel anything for a few seconds, and have to wait for a while before my senses come back.
The kids in school would torment me by making loud noises, and poking me to see me jump, and I didn't want to give them the satisfaction, so I trained myself to not react at all. I got the idea from Mr. Spock controlling pain mentally in Star Trek.
The bad side of this is that people get creeped out because I don't yell when I'm hurt badly, I just calmly ask for help.
Posted by: Matt at December 10, 2003 01:03 PMI had to re-read and think about yer last post a bit. What you said, P-Man, is the reason why they don't let toddlers into movies and the like. It's usually courtious for the parent to "hush" the kid. So, honestly no, I don't think what you did was unreasonable or mean. Although I've dealt with adults who were more annoyin' . . .
Posted by: Shaw at December 10, 2003 10:01 PMLuckily for us, annoying adults aren't physically painful to be around. *grin*
Posted by: Moggy at December 11, 2003 12:50 AMActually, they *do* let toddlers into the movies. It's exceptionally annoying. As I was saying to Denise not long ago, I'm thinking about giving up on theaters altogether and moving my cinema hobby entirely to DVD -- either renting or buying movies I want to see and going to the actual cinema either rarely or not at all. There's a *lot* to be said for staying at home.
I learned how to stifle my pain reaction to noises a long time ago as well, for the same reasons that Matt gives... I am now unlearning it, because I believe quite firmly that if anyone should be modifying their natural behavior, it's the annoyer, not the annoyee, if you follow me.
As to Galactica -- well, yes, you're right, the gender stuff did leave something to be desired. However, compared to the original series, it was progressive as hell. The blatant sexism of the 1970's Galactica even made me squirm when I was watching it as an 11-year-old boy. (I will add, though, that the sexism went in both directions, rather than the one-way sexism that one might have had ten or twenty years earlier. I'm not sure whether that counts as progress or not.)
Posted by: Zathras at December 11, 2003 01:05 AMdepending on the movie...although honestly I have never seen kids younger than 4 in a theater.
Posted by: Shaw at December 11, 2003 09:41 PMthat and there are movie theaters that do have rules about kids . . . maybe u should go to art theaters?
Posted by: Shaw at December 11, 2003 09:43 PMI don't know what kind of theaters you're going to in Connecticut, Shaggy, but I see babies in theaters around here all the time. It's the rule, not the exception.
As to art theaters... well, yes, that's actually a pretty good suggestion. The only reason I don't follow it is that those kinds of theaters are usually a PITA to get to -- I use public transportation and am relatively lazy/impatient, so I prefer to go to theaters that are readily available by Metro.
Posted by: Zathras at December 13, 2003 07:07 PM