Zathras' Great Machine

Thanks Parrish! :)

I'd rather not say what I'm about to say here, I'd rather do this directly. Unfortunatly, I can't, so . . .

Denise: I would like to talk things over with you. The last thing I ever intended to do with what I said was to hurt or put Parrish down in any way, shape or form. Yes, I was kicking his ass, but not in a way where I was trying to be hurtful.

And for the record, I have dealt with people with depression - I lived with one, in fact. To be honest, I miss that person, who just happened to be my father, every day of my life . . .

Well, great. Then YOU can be the one that has to spend hours talking him down whenever he starts getting ready to kill himself. YOU can be the one whose life is brought to a halt for hours or days, over and over again, so you can spend the time reassuring him that he's not as totally fucking worthless as his so-called "friends" have convinced him over the years with their oh-so-helpful "kicking his ass" type crapola. YOU can try to convince him that somebody cares whether he lives or dies, YOU can constantly worry that he'll need you at the one moment you let yourself be busy and you'll come home to a suicide note.

Good fucking luck -- you're up against an endless army, and their general is P himself, a man that has a compulsive need to please whatever individual treats him the worst -- so you're going to need it.

Yes, I know this is going to get me banned and P will probably delete the comment, but I'm so sick of this crap that I really don't care. It's about time somebody else in his life gets off their ass and helps him rather than fucking him up further.

And THAT last post, right there, is why I would really REALLY rather want to deal with this in private instead of a public forum.

I'm not posting a direct response to that comment, nor am I going to talk on a public forum about this any further.

Denise - you are not a mental health worker. It is unfair to yourself to try to be one.

Parrish - you need to deal responsibly with the effect your illness is having on others, and consult with doctors that can treat it effectively. Keep in mind your perception of events is distorted by your illness.

Shaw - you are not a mental health worker either, and neither am I for that matter.

I never claimed to be one. I never said I was an uber-Dr. Phil. I'm just a friend, that's all.

I was just trying to stop potential trouble (caretaker fatigue) before it started.

I understand. Sadly, I don't think this will help the situation.

Again, I really think it's a bad idea to talk about this publicly. That and it's bad mojo to be arguing in somebody's "house". Esp. in the living room, no less.

"you are not a mental health worker. It is unfair to yourself to try to be one."

No kidding. Trouble is, if I stop, currently there's no alternative for him. He's afraid of turning to other people in part precisely because of the kind of response he got from Shaw. (I only know this because his first comments to me when he saw S's rantlet was essentially "see why I can't turn to Shaw for support?")

"I was just trying to stop potential trouble (caretaker fatigue) before it started."

*grin* I know, thank you. You've been involved with the situation enough to experience firsthand the frustration/fatigue/confusion yourself, I think, so you know what you're talking about. (Imagine five years of doing it...after a while, the need to be supportive starts giving way to frustrated aggression.)

First off, not one to brag, but I feel that I have been supportive of Parrish for over nine years now, and he's been pretty supportive of me. He has been through some brutal shit, and so have I. We've both gotten through a lot of crap together - which actually is interesting considering that when we first met, he was a well-groomed Mensa man, and I was a long-haired freak. Who'd thunk it?

Second, if you have any criticisms about me, it would be nice if you would SAY IT TO ME DIRECTLY.

Just click on the !@$$#@ link that says Shaw and EMAIL me. :/ We've made a very big mess out of Parrish's living room.