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"Just forget it. All I am is roadkill on the road of life." -Colin the Hedgehog

"Places to go and people to be." -Shapeshifter's Motto

"People fighting over who owns the land is like fleas fighting over who owns the dog." -Crocodile Dundee

"Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it." -Heath the Philospher

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day." -Retracted Version of Famous Quote

"A fool and his money are soon partying." -Dweasel da Weasel, "Uprise"

"Practice makes perfect, so be careful what you practice." -Jakkon the Fox

"You can't eat your friends and have them too." -Dragon Wisdom

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." -Ziggy

"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans." -Ronald Reagan

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." -Charles Schultz

"The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously." -Hubert Humphrey

"Immortality isn't about living forever, Xanatos. It's about what you do with the time you have." -Hudson, gargoyles episode "The Cage"

"A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic." -Joseph Stalin

"If a cluttered desk signs a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?" -Albert Einstein

"Yesterday a guy cut me off in traffic. I said unto him, Be fruitful and multiply, but not in those words." -Woody Allen

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have all died." -Erma Bombeck

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest man." -Willy Wonka, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"

"Some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue." -Unknown

"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason." -Doonsbury

"The best things in life are censored." -Woody Allen

"Age is just a number . . ." -Chaos, "Evil Returns"

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" -Steven Wright

"I'm not prejudice, I just hate everybody." -Frank Dollar, quoting W. C. Fields

"Always remember that you're just as unique as everyone else." -Unknown

"For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not, no explanation will suffice." -David Blaine, magician

"It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue." -Voltaire

"There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both plants and animals. When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis; and when the lights go out, they turn into animals. But then again, don't we all?" -Steve Monak, on human psychology

"Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one." -Steve Monak, on human

"These pills can't be habit forming; I've been taking them for years." -A patient

"If you didn't have problems, you wouldn't need people around to help solve them. Conversely, if you didn't have people around, maybe you wouldn't have problems." -Mr. O 'Conner, Math Teacher

"When a fail-safe system fails, it fails by failing to be fail-safe." -Bob, on mechanics

"The trouble with people is their trouble with people." -Kathy Hadden, Vice Principal

"Before you met any handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads." -The Fairy Godmother

"You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track." -Jim the Redneck, "Happy Hamsters in Hell"

"If you don't care where you are, you're not lost." -Mr. Apathy

"Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure." -Steve Monak, on human psychology

"The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an oncoming train." -A pessimist

"Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics." -Steve Monak, on human psychology

"You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it." -Earthworm Jim

"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip." -A government official

"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way." -Huckleberry Fin

"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." -An optimist

"Good judgement comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgement." -Steve Monak, on human psychology

"A marksman is one who shoots first, and whatever he hits, he calls the target." -Dafydd the Archer, "The Dragon Knight"

"The lack of money is the root of all evil." -Retracted version of old quote

"The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrongly, without commenting." -Albert Einstein

"A man without a religion is like a fish without a bicycle." -A heretic

"Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver." -A married woman

"It's a fact that the people who snore the loudest will fall asleep first." -Derek, at a sleepover

"Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with." -Emma Frances

"You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word." -Al Capone

"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door." -Paul Beatty

"Thou canst not kill that wich doth not live. But you can blast it into chunky kibble!" -A Starcraft Player

"There's always a bigger fish." -Qui-Gon Jin, "Star Wars Episode I" (sorry if I misspelled his name)

"There is no such thing as evil, only misguided good." -The Archpriest, "Oathbound"

*singing* "Always look on the bright side of life . . ." -Guy from Monty Python's "Life of Brian" -Michael Barbee

"Irrevocable commitment to any religion is not only intellectual suicide; it is positive unfaith because it closes the mind to any new vision of the world. Faith is, above all, open-ness . . . an act of trust in the unseen." -Alan Watts, "The Book"

"Every day you're alive, you're risking your life. What does it matter where?" -Marlynn

"Everybody needs a good obsession. It keeps life interesting." -Marlynn

"Everybody learns something about life after living that long; what they learn is different for everyone." -Marlynn, on immortals

"It is sometimes necessary to play the fool to avoid being decieved by cunning men." -La Rochefoucauld

"The first draught a man drinks should be for thirst. The second, for nourishment. The third, for pleasure. The fourth, for madness." -Creator of Alcoholics Annonymous

"Fools rush in, where angels dare to tread." -The Pope

"Man is the only creature endowed with the power of laughter; is he not the only one that deserves to be laughed at?" -Greville

"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain." -Carol Leifer

"I am the essence of overconfidence! I am speculation, adventure; the spirit of pursuit; the stag howling for its winsome yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution; the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle buzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I am life. I am appetite!" -Dweasel, quoting Hawkeye Pierce

"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." -Johnny Carson

"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache." -Jack Mayberry

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three." -Elayne Boosler

"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners." -Jeff Stilson

"Nine times out of ten a hero is someone who is tired enough, cold enough, and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn!" -Hawkeye Pierce, "M*A*S*H"

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." -Rita Mae Brown

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner." -Lynda Montgomery

"I just don't know why they're shooting at us. All we want to do is bring them democracy and white bread. Transplant the American dream. Freedom. Achievement. Hyperacidity. Affluence. Flatulence. Technology. Tension. The inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to stab your boss in the back. That's entertainment." -Hawkeye Pierce, "M*A*S*H"

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." -Winston Churchill

"Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener. " -Brad Littlejohn

"Some people make things happen, some people watch things happen, and some people wonder, 'What happened?'" -Dweasel, "Uprise"

"When I look down, I miss all the good stuff. And when I look up, I just trip over things." -Ani DiFranco

"'Normal' is only a setting on your dryer." -Dweasel, "Uprise"

"Apathy will be the death of humanity, but who cares?" -Shetani, "TimeScape"

"I am a fool, but I know I'm a fool and that makes me smarter than you." -Socrates

"General rule of thumb - never rip off a bunch of people who think a fun weekend is getting together and hitting each other with blunt objects." -Karnage, Seattle Marathon User's Group

"Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead." -Zaiza, "TimeScape"

"If the world thinks that you are crazy, and you think the same of the world, then who can say who is right?" -Unknown

"If practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, why practice?" -A realist

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." -Dave Barry

"I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one." -Jay Montazar, "The Expedition"

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian becauseI hate plants." -A. Whitney Brown

"The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss." -Douglas Adams

"The only difference between graffiti and philosophy is the F Word..." -Unknown

"Better to keep your mouth shut and have everyone think you a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." -Heath the Philosopher

"I am the only one on my side, and damned if those aren't the kind of odds I like." -Lord Dathius, "Episode III: Judgement"

"No, we can't just observe life and how beautiful it is, can we? Let's kill it! Let's put it up on the wall!" -Ms. Davies, about hunters

"I hated school . . . I freaking hated it. The fact is that it revolved around something you didn't have access to. If you weren't on the football team, if you were in the band, you were a leper. When people say those were the best years of our lives, I want to scream." -Trent Reznor

"I remember seeing The Exorcist when I was eleven or twelve. It messed me up permanently because it was the most terrifying thing I could ever imagine. I couldn't discredit it like I could Alien. Because I'd been fed all this bullsh*t by Christianity that said yes, this could happen." -Trent Reznor

"Words mean nothing. Words are merely saliva and air. One you swallow and the other disappears." -Mr. Nugent, History Teacher

"The worst thing about being a depraved pirate is having to work with a bunch of depraved pirates." -Orlando the Axe, "Orlando the Axe" "I'd like to thank my parents, because they've had a profound impact on my life. My mom, it turns out, gave birth to me, which it turns out was a big turning point in my career." -Weird Al Yanchovic

"In all my years in Llanowar I never understood where trees fit in. They are revered by elves and watered on by dogs." -Mirri, "The Rath Cycle"

"I used to take my anger out on other people. Now I save it for sports. When I play sports, I have a hit list." -Colin Glassman

"I trained to be an English Teacher. I had one kid in class who kept writing death threats and passing them up to me. I took out my red pen, corrected them and told him to write them over. I miss him." -Talvin, "TimeScape"

"I stayed in a Microsoft-sanctioned hotel once. I opened a window and the whole place came crashing down aroung me." -Gerry, "Tapestries"

"The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night." -Otto Von Bismarck

"I don't know about this idea of following in my father's footsteps. He has kinda big feet." -Frank Dollar

"I sincerely wish that I had something earth shatteringly profound to say for the new millennium but I don't. All I can sayÑis stay young forever. I'm 31 years old and I still think action figures are cool. Especially those McFarlane figures, they rock. I think that Toy's 'R' Us is just about the coolest place on the planet. I have two young sons that I take, just so I don't look like a deviant when I go in there. My wife just divides my actual age by two to get my mental age equivalent. Actually, I think that by the time I am 50, I'll be able to divide by three." -Jantrix

"Honesty, hard work and perserverance get you nowhere in life. It's all about kissin' a**." -Blink 182

"If you put a slug in a dress, it's still a slug." -Derek

"There's no second place prize in a gun fight." -A Member of a Swat Team

"Rule Number 1 of driving: everyone wants to go faster than you." -Michael Barbee

"Adult, noun: A person who has stopped growing, except in the middle." -The Cynic's Dictionary

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." -Phyllis Diller

"It's bad if you find bloodstains on your karate clothes. It's really bad if you don't know who's blood it is." -Josh

"Well . . . not everyone can be cheery and happy all the time . . . sometimes it's really good just to spit in someone's eye." -MAui, "Tapestries"

"What is the chief end of man? To get rich. In what way? Dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must."

"The quiet ones are the ones who change the universe. The loud ones just take the credit." -Emperor Lando Mollari, "Babylon 5"

"The world isn't any worse than it ever was. It's just that the news coverage is better." -A realist

"Fortune Cookies are like Edible Astronomy . . ." -Derek

"The worst thing in the world would be to wake up and find that you were the person you hate most on the earth and that you had VD." -Unknown

"When life gives you lemons, chuck 'em at someone. It'll make you feel better." -Absence, "DominiaMUD"

"Relationship is a four letter word, three times over." -Michael Jantze

"How can you thank a man for giving you what's already yours?" -Malcolm X, "The Ballot or the Bullet" speech

"Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work." -Al Capp

"A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful." -Kaul Kraus

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