“It
is an Inside Job”
I waited and waited for that wondrous miracle
For most of my adult life, I felt like there was a wall between myself and the rest of the world. The Wall lived between me and my partners in relationships of all kinds— business, romance, family, play. In fact, it separated me from the entire world, and from Life itself. Of course, I was able to get along just fine. Most people did not seem to notice my wall, perhaps because they were walled in, too. In time, I found help with psychotherapy, discovered hypnosis, became a hypnotherapist, and a trainer of many new practitioners. It all helped. Yet always, below the surface, there was a longing for a deeper connection to Life and the Divine.
When I met don Miguel Ruiz ten years ago, I was told he was a Toltec “Nagual,” a man of power. I was excited to believe that he had the power to break down The Wall from the outside, since I had been unsuccessful from the inside. Alas, it turned out to not be the case. I waited and waited for that wondrous miracle when he would make his move, and I would be catapulted into my total freedom. Fortunately, I kept waiting, and showing up, and doing what he told me to do. I began to realize that what he had done was chip a small hole in The Wall with his unwavering unconditional love, and was passing me tools through the hole that I could use for myself. It was still my responsibility to take down the wall that I had erected, but now I had the tools I had been missing.
I embraced the Toltec tools. I surrendered to the Angel of Death, and I stalked my Petty Tyrants. I carried my Medicine Bag, practiced my Not-Doings and my Controlled Folly, I recapitulated and fought to eliminate my Personal Importance. Slowly The Wall came down (and sometimes it crumbled so rapidly that I became dizzy with the changes). AND, right there, waiting for me to show up, was Life!
Life was always right there on the other side of The Wall, waiting. When I emerged from the safety of the hideout I had created long ago, I was embraced by Life. I learned that Life is not dangerous. To love is not dangerous. It is safe to live and love with our hearts wide open. We do not need our walls.
Are you doing your Inside Job? Do you possess and use tools to free yourself from the confines of the Old Dream? I hope so. If not, I direct you to the tools of the ancient Toltecs, including The Four Agreements and other wonderful books by Miguel Ruiz, and to the teachers that carry on his work. I also invite you to visit our web site at www.joydancer.com, where we are committed to this path of total personal freedom. I look forward to meeting you on the journey, and sharing this beautiful New Dream.
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