You've Had Too Much Coffee When...
- You ski uphill.- You get a speeding ticket even when you're 
parked.- You speed walk in your sleep.
- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.
- You have a bumper sticker that reads:  Coffee drinkers are good 
in the sack. 
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. 
-  You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. 
- You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
- You sleep with your eyes open.
- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
- You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using 
the timer.
-  You lick your coffee pot clean. 
-  You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House" 
-  You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you 
don't even work there. 
- You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
-  Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. 
-  You chew on other people's fingernails. 
-  Cocaine is a downer.
- The Nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
-  All your kids are named "Joe" 
-  Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low" 
-  You buy 1/2 and 1/2 by the barrel.
- Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their 
margaritas.     
- You can type sixty words per minute with your feet. 
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
-  You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
-  You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. 
-  You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. 
- You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not 
plugged in.
-  Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down. 
-  You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. 
-  Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. 
-  Instant coffee takes too long. 
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. 
Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."    
- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.     
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.     
- People can test their batteries in your ears.     
- Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.     
- You channel surf faster without a remote.
-  When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last 
drop." 
-  You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a
coffee can. 
-  Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. 
- You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
- You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
-  You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer. 
-  You named your cats "Cream" and "Sugar" 
-  Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. 
-  You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. 
-  You think being called a "drip" is a compliment. 
-  Your 3 favorite things in life are:  coffee before, coffee during 
and coffee after. 
-  You can't even remember your second cup. 
-  You help your dog chase its tail. 
- You get drunk just so you can sober up.
- You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
- Your Thermos is on wheels.
-  You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. 
-  You introduce your spouse as your "CoffeeMate" 
-  Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints of coffee with an I-V hookup.  
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You have a conniption over spilled milk.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You don't get mad, you get steamed.
- Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
- You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."

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We secretly replaced the dilithium with Folger's Crystals