This is what most Horoscopes can't say.

AQUARIUS
(Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive wind and are inclined 
to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand,
you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you
to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a
fucking jerk.

PISCES
(Feb. 19 - Mar 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think
you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor
influence over you friends and people resent you for flaunting
your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward.
Pisces people screw small animals and pick their nose a lot.

ARIES
(Mar 21 - Apr 19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people
in contempt. You are quick  tempered, impatient and scornful of
advice. You are a prick.

TAURUS
(Apr 20 - May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have a
dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you
are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddam com-
munist.

GEMINI
(may 21- Jun 20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are in-
clined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a
cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

CANCER
(Jun 21 - Jul 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to
other people's problems. Others think you are a sucker. You
are always putting things off. This is why you will always be
on welfare and won't be worth a shit.

LEO
(jul 23 - Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others
think you are pushy.  Most leo's are bullies. You are vain and
cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting.
Leo people are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.

VIRGO
(Aug 23 - Sept 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder.
This nitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and
unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgo's make
good  bus drivers or pimps.

LIBRA
(Sept 23 - Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a diffi-
cult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably 
queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent.
Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of veneral 
disease.

SCORPIO
(Oct 23 - Nov 21) You are shrewd in business and cannot be
trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of
your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch.
Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS
Nov 22 - Dec 21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have
a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent.
The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or pot heads. People
laugh at you a lot because you are always getting fucked.

CAPRICORN
(Dec 22 - Jan 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking
risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a 
Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.