Set laser printers to "stun".
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Is "tired old cliche" one?
...I can cook, but I never do it on the first date...
Make Headlines..use a corduroy pillow....
... There's nothing wrong with DOS that Unix wouldn't fix.
I'm Serfectly Pober.
huh huh huh High voltage is cool!
Diet is like DIE with a T on the end. -- Garfield
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
Some minds should be cultivated, others plowed under...
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
The worst thing about censorship is .
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a moose.
Yeah I've been injured. I've got a big crack in my butt
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
No Woody! I said _TUCK_ the kids in bed!
FOR SALE: 1 set of morals, never used, will sell cheap.
Contentsoftaglinemaysettleduringshipping.
Quoth the Raven, "Eat My Shorts."
Ok, I pulled the pin. Now what? Where are you going?
Why did Kamakazie pilots wear helmets???
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
... I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.
... Hear about the leper hockey game? There was a face off in the corner.
Never test for an error you don't know how to handle!
I stepped on a Tetanus needle today..... now what?
... Barney (Bar-Knee) n. 1) Well known purple mutant eggplant from Hell.
The fecal material has hit the air circulating device.
... National Healthcare: medicine with postal efficiency & IRS compassion.
"Nurse, bring me that really large anesthetic mallet."
Clarvoiants meeting canceled due to unforseen events.
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached.
If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.0!
If speed scares you, try Windows...
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac!
Why is "easy listening" so hard to listen to?
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Women are like pianos: When they're not upright, they're grand.
... Obe Wan Kenobi at the dinner table: "Use the FORKS, Luke!"
... A bean supper will be held in the church basement. Music will follow.
Some days you're a bug, other days a windshield.
A single fact can spoil a good argument.
Love is grand. Divorce, twenty grand.
If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille.
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