Chapter#8 It's War



Part#1 It's War: As soon as you enter the entrance to Windy, you'll view an old fashion video telling you about the recent war, and that you should sign up for the army. When it's over, you'll finally appear in Windy. It is night time of course. Go to the "Nasty" path and hover over the barb wire in front of the sign up station. Then go in. When you emerge, run forward a little and a cutscene with a plane crash will take place. The shot down plane will land in the canal exit toward the back, blocking the way. Than the drill sergant from the video will step forward and ask you to clear the way, as they need to get their men into the war area. After this, take the path to Conker's right. Down the path, little mine spiders will pop up. Don't try to get near them, or whack them, as they are mines! Down the path, you'll see a ladder down to the water where there is a sand area. Go down and the drill sergant will tell you the powers out and that there is also an electric eel in the water. Along with a couple of things. When the drill sergent leaves, prepare to jump into the water. With the electric eel!

Part#2 Powers Off: Be careful when you jump into the water, as the eel is after you! You'll see three oval things under the water. You have to swim through each ones loop to have the eel follow you through it and power it up. There are actually more of these oval things, but they won't power up the central platform. So don't bother swimming through these ones, because you can't! You'l tell they are frauds if they don't have a wire tothe central platform. You don't have to swim through all of them in one breath. Once the eel powers up the last one, it'll fry itself and die! Ha ha! Stupid eel... The lamps will all turn on and a CS button will rise on the central platform. Don't use it yet, just go up th stone stairs that are by the boat.

Part#3 TNT: If you did what I said and went up the stairs, you should be in front of a hill with a sign above it that reads "TNT". Before you go up it, go to the block to the left, and push it to the right until it is in front of the hill. Then go up the hill and you'll reach a bathroom door. Press B when you are in fron of the door and Conker will knock on it. Then you'll veiw a cutscene where the lame-purple demon-with a TNT barrel strapped to his back, (LPW to me for short,) will come out of the bathroom and will need help getting around. He also doesn't know what is strapped to his back... When he comes out, have Conker Conker go behind him and push him over to the hill path. Don't push him over the edge, he'll just blow up. Eww... When you push him down the path, he'll slid toward the stairs. If you didn't push the block, he'll fall down the stairs and blow up. If you did, he get stopped by the block. Push him to the path to Conkers left. There will be two hopping blocks much like the ones in Barn Boys, except they are ammo crates. Watch their patterns, and push by them. Also, if you leave the LPW unintended, he'll get tired and sit down to wait for you. There will also be a block that is held by a crane. It will come crashing down to earth, then go back up to crush again. When it comes down and hits go toward it and under it when it starts to rise. Go past some more bouncing crates and crushing blocks to get to a point where the LPW walks forward a little and sits down next to the plane. Go back to the front area and go over the path to the central platform. Go to the CS button to take out a slingshot that will fire blazing ammo! They fall quicker, so they will test your firing skills. Aim to light the fuse on the top of the sitting LPW's barrel. If you aimed right, it will light the fuse. Having the LPW blow up and also blow up the side of the plane. Go back to the bathroom door an knock again. You'll veiw a cutscene where Conker sees another LPW, and has him come out in a funny way. If you messed up along the way, you may have already viewed this cutscene when you went to get another LPW. Push him down the path again, and take the path to Conker's right this time. This path is the one with the mine spiders. Push him down this path. There is a pattern of where the mine spiders appear. The left is toward the water, and the right is the outer wall. It goes, left, left, right right, left, left, right, right, left, right, left, right. I prefer staying in the middle. When you get to the last four, (the seperate mine spiders,) I prefer zig-zagging past them. You might have to try this over a certain amount of times before you finally get past this. Don't woory too much, as the choclate in this whole area regenerates. At the certain point, the LPW will sit down next to the plane. Go back and light his fuse to remove the plane. Go down the stairs and you'll find the drill sergant. He'll thank Conker. Then he'll point outward and say, "What the hell's that?" Conker will look, and the drill sergant will knock him out.

Part#4 The Assault: Conker will awake in the boat with squirrls holding guns in army uniform. Conker will also notice that he also has a helmet on his head. He asks what is going on, and a squirrl will throw up from sea sickness. Then a squirrl will whistle and say, "Okay, thirty seconds! It's been nice knowing you guys." Than the wheel on the door will start to spin for a while. It'll open to have bullets fly into the boat. Conker will gaze on in horror as blood flys. He abandon ship. He'll see dying squirrls in the water. He swim up to shore and crawl on to land. He'll get up to an explosion. Then he'll stare at the muffled violenece in horror. This parodie cutscene of "Saving Private Ryan" will end with Conker coming back from his daze shouting, "Get me the heck out of here!" Go forward to the right to three other soldiers. Go ahead of them and they'll go forward. Follow them behind the "Hedgehogs" (those metal pile things to keep air planes from landing in the area) for cover. Most of the gunfire is a part of the scenery. You can tell if it's real if the bullets make marks in the mud/sand. If you get lost, just follow the other soldiers. But don't do as what they do, which is dying. Go on to a big area. When you reach the certain point, Conker will dive and slide to a place near a soldier. He'll tell Conker what is going on and die soon after that. Conker will know what he has to do and a lightbulb will appear above his head. Press "The Button" to have him put a cigar in his mouth and take out two machine guns. He'll smoke the cigar theough out the rest of this chapter. Go up to the big door to pick up any chocolates if you got hit. Then go to the door next to the now dead soldier and shot the lock. Go inside.

Part#5 Sole Survivor: Conker will enter with a bad-ass look on his face. Tediz will go into hiding before Conker sees them. If you don't know the controls for the machine guns, go to the Basic Controls page. Go into aiming mode and take a few steps forard to have the Tediz come out. Shoot them all, you'll know you've shot them all when the big door at the back opens. Behind it there will be three lazer. Put away your guns and crouch with the Z button and crawl under them. Go under both lazers and around the corner. Take out your guns as a Tediz is behind this box. When it comes out, shot it! There are two more behind this next stack of boxes. There is also a Tediz around this corner. You'll come to a lazer section with a chocolate in the center. Don't put your guns away yet! Step to the front of the lazers and a Tediz will hop to the top of the box pile behind the lazers. Shot him then put away your guns. Hop through the center of the lazers where the chocolate is. Take out your guns as soon as you land for there are some more Tediz hiding behind this box! Don't put your guns away now, you'll see an orange door on the ceiling, step near this and two Tediz will come down out of it! There are more of these ceiling traps in this place, but don't woory, I'lll tell you when there is one. As soon as you go past the first lazer, three Tediz will pop up. One from behind the box, and two from the ceiling trap. As soon as you clear them out, go under the second lazer. There is a ceiling trap and a box ahead, so shot the Tediz when they appear. You'll notice that there is an elevator ahead. Go forward and you'll go into another cutscene. Conker will put away his guns as you'll notice that something is coming down the hall. He looks behind him to see, a bunch of mine spiders coming his way! He'll make a run for the elevator. It'll open automaticly and he'll dive in. He'll look back to see a mine spider jump at him! But the doors close and the mine spiders disconnected leg will fall into the elevator. Conker will wait in the elevator catching his breath. Than he speaks, "Surely it can't get any worse than that!" He is proven wrong when the cheezy elevator music starts playing. He bows his head in disgust. Exit the elevator and you'll see three ground lazers. Put away your guns. Jump over the first two then take out your guns. Step forward and two Tediz will come out. One from the ceiling trap, and one from behindthe box. After you sort them out, put your guns away them jump over the third lazer. Then take your guns back out. Approach this corner, and you'll be greeted by two Tediz. Down this hall, there will be three LPW's. Well, these guys are way diffrent, I'll call them mean-purple demon-with a flamethrower attatched to his back (MPW for short). You can't kill these guys, so just run past one when he's done torching. Go past the first. Go near the second, and he'll flame. You'll also trigger two more Tediz. The one on the ground might get toast when he runs forward. Fill them and go past this MPW. Go past the third MPW to find another corner. Approach it and a bunch of Tediz will come out from it! After they are all dead, go toward the vertical lazers and a Tediz will come out from the ceiling trap above. Go past the lazers and you'll see another ceiling trap with a box under it. Two Tediz will come from behind the box while one comes from the ceiling trap. Past this corner is another hallway with three more MPW's. Go pas them all. You'll also need to jump over some ground lazers at one point. Approach this corner and another bunch of Tediz will come running at you! Kill them all and go around the corner to find another ceiling trap. Kill the Tediz and go forward to see an odd cross section of lazers. First, handle the Tediz in the ceiling trap then go past the lazers. This is done by hovering past them at the right, or left. Then enter the doorway.

Part#6 Casualty Dept.: Conker will emerge into a bloody surgon room. He'll also see two poncy surgon Tediz talking and smoking cigarette with those classy cigarette holders. They'll quickley get into character as they notice Conker. Shoot all the surgon Tediz as they come. Don't let them get too close, they'll attack by throwing surgery knives at you. When they are all cleared out, go to the right corner at the back of this room and a squirrl in an electric chair will aks you for help. He'll point over to the switches. He says that one will release him and that the other one is... Frying tonight. No matter which switch you pull, he'll get electricuted. After the shock, Conker has one quick thing to say... "Oh hang on a sec! I think it's this one actually." The squirrl stirrs and finds out he's not quite dead. Go and pull the other switch to open the door outta here. Then go through it. You'll come out and get greeted by a smoking Tediz operating a turret gun at the end of the hall. This could be tricky. Go forward and hide behind the boxes to shield yourself from the bullets. Soon, you'll veiw a cutscene of him reloading. It won't show it every time he reloads. Work your way to the wall right infront if his circular area. Don't bother running for the hall to the left. When you get a feeling he is about to reload, run out and go onto the platform he is on. When you are on this platform, he can't shot you. If you look around, you'll see a rope at the back of this area. Right next to it is a path that goes behind the pipe, and onto the wall. You think the Tediz is about to reload, jump off the platform, onto the rope, climb till you are able to jump onto the path. Hide behind the pipe and make a run for it when you think he is about to reload. At the end of thetop of the wall is a CS button. Quickley get out your bazooka and kill the turret tediz once and for all. When he's dead, jump down and collect the chocolate if you got hit. You'll need it for things could get ugly. Jump into the turret and aim at the hall to the right. Tediz will start pouring in! Don't let them get to close, or they get in your face and stab you! When you clear out these Tediz, then they'll start pouring in from the hall to the left! When all these Tediz are gone, they'll come from the left again. This pattern will repaeat with less and less Tediz coming from the halls. You'll know you've finally killed all of them when the door to the left opens. Want to hear some tips? Okay then! Don't shott everywhere, only shoot when a Tediz is in range of your bullets. And, reloading lead to the turret Tediz's downfall, and could lead to yours! To avoid running out of ammo and reloading at a bad time, reload when the waves switch to the other hall, and you should also reload when no Tediz are in range of your bullets. When they are all gone, go into the new door to see a room where the mine spiders are made. And the master plans. There is another door in this area, so go into it.

Part#7 Saving Private Rodent: As soon as you emerge outside you'll find yourself in the area behind the big door you saw in "The Assault". Conker will see that he is at a shooting post and will hide and watch from a nearby box. The shooting instructer asks the squirrl if he has any last requests. He requests if they could just let him go, and the instructer gives a simple answer, "No." Then after some waiting, the instructer has the three Tediz fire at the squirrl! The squirrl ducks into his special suit and noen of the bullets harm him! Conker's cigar drops from his mouth in amazement. Now it is time to shoot the Tediz! I request killing the instructer first as he throws pipe bombs at you! When you have killed off all four Tediz, go up to the squirrl. Conker will call him out of his position and he'll thank Conker for killing them. Conker will then reconize him as Rodent, and ask him what his suit is. As you may have seen, it makes a soldier invinsible. Rodent has an idea to shield Conker form attacks, and decides to tag along with Conker. Head down the path to the right. Little ways down the path, an alarm will sound and Conker will point out the bomber planes above. Then Conker will insist that rodent goes first. Don't run, as soon as the cutscene ends a bomb will fall in front of you! Go past the crater and around the corner. Go forward and a mine spider will rise in the distance. You'll also hear Rodent say, "Quick! Get behind me Conker!" Get behind him and you'll be safe from the mine spider's explosion. Keep on going down the path. There will be more bombs and mine spiders along this long path, you'll know that a mine spider is coming when rodent tells you to get behind him. At the end of the path, you'll come to a bridge over water. At the back ofthe area is a huge door with a huge lock on it. Rodent says that he'll meet you at the door when you've shot off the locks. He's refering to the fou little locks surrounding the big one. Go into the lake and in the little circle with e CS button on it. As soon as you go onto the button, you'll hear the roar of the bomber planes again, this time they are dropping Tediz with parachutes! Take out your bazooka and shoot off the four locks. Ignore the Tediz and fire away! When all the locks are done, you'll veiw a cutscene where the lock falls off and that door opens a little. Jump off the button and swim to the shore. Jump make and make a run for the door. Don't stress if you die, once you've destroyed the lock, you won't have to destroy it again. Go into the door. You and rodent will appear in an area with no Tediz. Forward is another big door, to the left is a little door, and to the right... A tank! Rodent marvels at the tank and gets in.

Part#8 Chemical Warefare: Jump in the tank with Rodent and blast the small door. If you don't know the controls for the tank, go to the Basic Controls page. Exit the tank, and go in the now demolished door. You'll find yourself on a ledge. Drop down and you'll find yourself in a curved hallway. Along the hallway is three acid pits. On the other side of each one is a mine spider. To get ride of a mine spider, jump over the pit and the spider will see you. It'll run at you, so jump bak over. It'll fall into the acid pool and explode! Ha ha! Stupid spider... Repeat this with the two other pools and you'll reach a area with a switch. Pull the switch and the acid will rise a little... Conker will hope that the switch opened the door. He also feels that it is also a "let's leg it" moment. He is right too! Run back and toward the screen as the acid rises. Hop over each pool. Don't bother hovering over them. Then at the front, high jump onto the ledge. The rising acid can't get you from here. Exit the area to get back outside.

Part#9 The Tower: When you return from the chemical area, you'll notice that the big door is open. Hop back into thetank and go past it. You are in an area with a bunch of bridges and a tower in the center. It is looking for intruders. That would be Conker. If the search light on the tower hits Conker, the Tediz that's operating the tower will fire the big guns at you. The bullets won't hurt you while you're in the tank though. If you look under the tower's supports, you'll notice there is a yellow and black thingy under it. Fire a shell at it to remove it. There are three of these around the tower. Go in front of the bridge. Hop out of the tank when the search light is well away from you. Hover to the other side and go up the bridge. There is a CS button at the top end of the bridge. You should know which button you have to press in order to turn into an anvil and lower the bridge. Once lowered, get back into the tank and go over the bridge. There are Tediz along the path. They may not have guns, but they have pipe bombs! They can also harm you in the tank with these pipe bombs! When you see a Tediz, fire a shell at it. If it is right in your face, flatten the Tediz by running it over with the tank. When you go on and around the corner, you'll see another yellow and black thingy and another bridge. Take out the thingy and put down the bridge. Keep on putting down the bridges and shooting the thingys until you shoot the last one. Once it is gone, the tower will collapse! Get out of the tank and go across the support to get to the hole where the tower used to be. Once there, obviously jump into the hole.

Part#10 Little Girl: You'll come down in a gloomy watery area. Go across the bridge and a submarine will peek from the water elsewhere. Go further even more to see a silo, with a weeping little girl stuck in the center of it. Conker will go up and get greeted by the little girl. Who will give him important inmormation on what the pinging noise is. Which happens to be from a big missile! Conker dives outta the way right in time. Here is your task, to whipe out all the submarines. There are three oval rocks in this big area. Behind each one is a skinny bridge over water that leads to a CS button. If you fall into the water, there is a ladder on each one. Find the first submarine and go to the CS button. Aim at the sub and blow it up. Keep on blowing them up until Conker cannot use this ceratian button anymore. The subs fire missles at you through out this whole part, but don't worry too much. They don't home in on you. So, when one launches, it'll be aiming at the area you were at when it launched. You can also shoot down missiles when they are in mid air, but it ain't worth the effort. The second button you'll need to shoot subs, only they are coming at you two at a time! Just shoot away and you're off to the next button. This is the same, two at a time. Only, you'll need to shoot them both at the same time! This is done by shootingone sub when it gets too close to the other. When you beat this one Conker will say "Now time for the ransom... I mean, the rescue of the little girl!" Head on over to the silo and you'll veiw a cutscene where Conker trys to help the little girl get out of the silo, then Rodent inside of the tank comes down. Conker stops and sees. Then rodent says, "Conker! No!" In slow motion. Than Conker steps away from the little girl as she makes her head turn compleley around to reveal that her eyes have turned red. Than she says in a hissing voice, "Do you know what your fuc*ing daughter did today?" Than Conker says, "But I don't have a daughter!" Rodent tells Conker to run and he does so as the silo around the little girl opens.

Part#11 The Experiment: The little girl is actually the puppet of the huge Tediz with spider legs! After she tells you about who they are, they give chase! Don't let them get too close, they will swipe at you with a big saw disk! Go to the tank and Conker will tell rodent to move over. When you get in the tank, the Experiment will walk back to the silo. Take cover inside one of the oval rocks. Two huge machine guns will pop out of the experiment. The puppet reveals them to be their "Mini gun" it is called "ballistic". Basicly, these machine guns shot bullets that blow up on impact. Yikes! Since you are behind a wall in the oval structure, they shouldn't get to you. Aim the turret in the experiment's direction and wheel out and shoot the guns very quickley when they stop to reload. When you have destroyed both guns, the experiment will run at you with the puppet exposed. Shoot the puppet and she'll fly off his hand. When the Teddy guy bends down to pick her back up, shoot the silo thingy on his back when it opens. He take damage and pick the puppet back up. Go back into the oval structure. The next weapon is "Magneto Lazers". These lazers will go togther and hit the ground into a beam that follows you. Lure the beam to one side of the structure and go out of the other side to shoot the lazer's gun. Shoot the other then shoot the puppet to shoot the experiment. Go back into the structure and the final weapon will be revealed. Missiles, and lots of them! This is basicly the same way as shooting the mini-gun. Both guns will shoot four missiles before reloading. Destroy the guns, shoot the puppet, the bring the Tediz part of the Tediz experiment down. The puppet will send out two mine spiders, which will blow up the tank! Conker has survived the explosion, but Rodent didn't. After a short memorial toward Rodent, the puppet will take out a remote and press the button to start the "Lovely Countdown". Or if you have been playing video games alot, you'll know that she just set the self-destruct system! The time is 4:30. Meaning you have four minutes and thirty seconds to get your ass outta this base! She than begins to laugh maniacly! Don't all desprate villans?

Part#12 Count Down: Run into the hole to exit the whole "Little Girl" area. When you land, hover through this mess of lazers. Then hop onto the box and hover over these lazers. Go under this separate lazer. Then to get through this mess of lazers, hover through them. Go around this slight corner to find another mess of lazers. Jump over the box and hover through the gap in the lazers. Take out your guns for there are Tediz around this corner. Put your guns away and hop onto the bottom box. Crouch and crawl past the lazer, then fall off the box and take out your guns. There aren't any Tediz behind this box, but there is one around this corner. Put away your guns and high jump then hover over the left side of these lazers. Walk under the lazer behind them. There are no Tediz behind this box. Crawl under these lazers to find yourself at the beginning area in "Sole Survivor". Go up to the door you entered the base through and blue lazers will block it. Tediz will come out all over the room! At this point, Conker is armed with a bazooka. Blow away all the Tediz. When you blow up the last one, his corpse will fly into the blue lazers and get rid of them. Run through the door!
At this point, you won't start back at the "Little Girl" area. You are also still armed with the bazooka. And all the Tediz from this point are also armed with bazookas! This is the "The Assualt" area, only you are running for the boat. Okay, this is the area in the game that I hate more than "Clangs Lair." Only I won't let it rip. Oh, hell... I HATE THIS FU*KEN PART EVEN MORE! IT TOOK ME 20 FU*KEN TRIES TO BEAT THIS FU*KEN PART! EVEN THOUGH I BEAT THIS GAME 5 TIMES NOW, I STILL HAVE TROUBLE WITH THIS FU*KEN PART! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (Runs outside and bangs head against the side of the house.) Okay, run to the first woodpile and shoot the Tediz. Run to the second and shoot the two there. Go past the next pile and shoot the Tediz behind there. From here on, I make a insanely mad dash to the gate. Jump also to evade the missiles.

Part#13 Peace At Last!: This part is just basicly a long cutscene to end this chapter. And it turns out that Private Rodent wasn't dead! So, he went flying from the Tediz base and back to their country. When the boat is back at the staircase, go back up it and exit the to the Windy area. Now onto the final chapter.

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