Featured Guest Gaetana Cannavo
The Logic of Weather
He is upstairs after dinner.
He strums his guitar
and waits for the weather report.
Much depends on it.
The garden, lush with heirloom tomatoes,
leafy swiss chard, and ruby red lettuce,
needs rain.
The thirteen bountiful fig trees,
whose corpulent fruit
is the candy of neighborhood squirrels,
need sun
She is downstairs at her computer
writing and revising,
her mental meanderings
congenial with the creaks and cracklings
of the house as evening winds begin to churn.
She imagines hauntings, presences and
beings beyond her senses, things arcane
as the intoxicant jazz he plucks on the guitar.
Then, from the stairwell he calls.
Approaching thunderstorms.
She has fifteen minutes to log off.
She stirs and hears herself answer,
Why can't the storm come later
when we're making love.
I'll see if I can arrange it.
With whom?
The storms. I'll have them come
when we're making love.
But not every time we make love.
Make that clear.
I'll put it this way:
Come only when we're making love.
No. That's the same thing. How about ,
"We'll make love only when it thunders."
No good. It may never thunder.
How about,
"If it thunders, we'll make love."
What if it thunders every day?
We'll make love everyday.
What if it never thunders?
We can still make love everday.
He plucks the guitar again,
the pungent chords peerless as the drops of rain
that crystal on the garden grass.
Thunder strikes the house.
She moves towards the stairway.
The folds of her silken blue robe
fall in cool caresses on her ankles.
July, 2002
Gaetana Cannavo's Questions:
This is another prose poem.
Does the dialogue seem stilted or artificial?
Do I need the third next to the last line (She moves towards the stairway) or
should it be implied by the thunder strike?
Should I have substituted having sex for making love?
Some people I read
it to thought having sex.
I really need input so please let me know.
I found your poem original because of its form and also because it combines a story line within the poem
I like the naturalness of the diaglogue between the two in the poem
The setting is erotically suggestive but not overly so. However I find the phrase __make love__ a bit dated. I would have said -have sex-. It would have fit the erotic tone better.
I find it hard to separate the dialogue
as to who is talking. You should have put different character's lines in italics or bold print so we' know who was talking.
Overall it's a fine poem.
Selena Senzatela PH.D.
USA - Mon Jul 29 22:14:47 2002
I liked your poem very much for its controlled eroticism. Ther poem is lush with images of fruits vegetables, provocative music, imminent storm and silken garments. It weaves through its narrative taking us with it to the final and anticipated conclusion. I especially delighted in the dialogue between the two - she hesitant but yielding and he gently persistent his very words serving to stir her being. I am reminded of Wallace Stevens" way of casting a spell. You have a few typos - strikes and house but I guess you know. Everyday is also misspelled. I find making love much more erotic in this piece than having sex. I do not see it as dated - I would hope not. Delon Mattel
Delon Mattel
USA - Thu Aug 1 00:56:43 2002
I would not put space between "needs rain" and "the thirteen fig trees" - rather I would begin second stanza with "She is downstairs" to complement "He is upstairs" I would put the next break after "plucks on guitar." I would remove all the quotation marks - they interfere with the flow of the dialogue - it is ok not to know who is speaking and it is not too difficult to figure it out anyway. Next break should come starting with "He plucks the guitar again." Regarding the love controversy I am steadfast in my defense of making love over having sex. Keep the line about moving to the stairway - it is too erotically charged to delete. The only lines that trouble me are "she is downstairs at her computer" which could easily be "she is downstairs writing and revising" and "fifteen minutes to log off" leaves me cold - and we later learn that she is not a cold person. Overall, I give it a 9.5. Thank you for sharing it with me and I am flattered you asked for my opinion.
Jeri M. Golus
USA - Thu Aug 1 14:43:07 2002
I found the use of some words emphasised the mood but as for the dialogue, it didnt hit me straight off but the beauty of poetry is that it should be read again and again, not always coming to the same conclusion. The poem flowed in places but hopped in a few places, disrupting the flow, but on the whole I found the poem very pleasant with a twist of sensuality.
Rob
United Kingdom - Fri Aug 2 06:14:27 2002
dear gaetana, i liked the structure of the poem;it's underlying hippy imagery. if left to strumming/lightning strikes could the thought have come thru? i'm trying to explore it. this line is rivetting "She imagines hauntings, presences and beings beyond her senses, things arcane as the intoxicant jazz he plucks on the guitar." this poem is beyond. thanks for the read. regards pradeep
pradep n mané
india - Sat Aug 17 10:17:27 2002