Featured Guest Poet Kevin Clark
Emmet County
The Des Moines river
is tangled in the hills
of Emmet County
like a calloused hand
in the hair of a young farm wife.
Above a graying barn,
a rusted weather-vane
points
toward the whirring
stir of cicadae.
On a weathered porch,
an old man
rocks
like an old boat
at sea.
Beyond
the timbered hills,
thunder frames the sky
with a gentle lace
of lightning.
December, 2000
Kevin Clark's Questions:
1. Is there enough detail? My goal was to provide just enough detail to
allow the reader to paint his/her own mental image of Emmet County.
2. Do the four stanzas work together as one poem , or would they be stronger
as four seperate poems dispersed throughout a collection?
3. If the poem, or poems, were in a collection, would that collection be
worth reading?
4. Any suggestions?
I love the poem, it has a real potential.
I would add some details (and drop a few things that slow the flow of your poem.
For example: The Des Moines river / is tangled in the hills.
This is a very strong beginning and works very well to a point. What I need to see, however, are those hill.
Show us what kind of hills they are. Are they green, covered with pines? OR colorful, covered by rained leaves, or what?
The next verse is "of Emmet County." I think you do not need this verse at all, especially that you have already told us you talk about this county.
In the next stanza, I think that the lines "points / toward the whirring stir of cicadae." might be combined in one line.
In the next stanza I would like to see this "old boat," I need to have more details. Also, here you could play on the similarity to hills that also may rock in some way.
This poems rocks. It is hard to see how the collection would work. If the rest is equally strong, sure, I would read it.
Stefan
USA - Tue Jan 9 12:30:02 2001
Four snapshots of Emmet County, each focusing on a detail. As it reads now it could be easily separated into four shorts, but I like it as a whole poem. This is the reason why I'd try to make each stanza flow into the other so that our eyes, as readers and onlookers, have a panoramic view Emmet County
The Des Moines river
is tangled in the hills--maybe tangles the hills
of Emmet County would drop this line; we already know what you are talking about; maybe add details-- trees, animals, birds, colors, to visualize hills and county
like a calloused hand
in the hair of a young farm wife.
Good simile. I wonder whether you might work on line breaks, placing the-farm wife-- in the second stanza.
Above a graying barn,
a rusted weather-vane
points
toward the whirring
stir of cicadae.
Good second stanza. Here too. an additional detail-- maybe how the cicadas's song melt with smell and reach the "porch" in the third stanza.
On a weathered porch,
an old man rocks
like an old boat
at sea.
Here the pause works. From the man you pass to the hills again. The thunder and lightening in the last stanza are effectively used, yet I the landscape needs more definition, IMO. Beyond
the timbered hills,
thunder frames the sky
with a gentle lace
of lightning.
There's very good stuff in the poem. I think I'd like to read a collection flashing the county in a sequence of moments. Thank you. Paula
Paula Grenside
Italy - Sun Jan 14 14:14:34 2001
I personally like the poem. It reminds me of the work I have done. Not too long and not too short. And if want to visualize then this is the poem that does it. Keep up the work. You can email me if you want to share more.
Peggy LaRue
USA - Fri Jan 19 14:26:38 2001