Have
you ever thought about it? About how good and relaxed
it would feel to not have to maintain any fronts for anybody...
to be able to totally and completely be yourself all of
the time? There was a time when we were little kids that
we must have felt like that. Times when we were so absorbed
in ourselves that we were totally unaware of observers,
of judgments, of "shoulds." As an adult, I have rarely enjoyed
the privilege of such states-- that is, until I discovered
the Gentle Freedom of Being a Nincompoop! I used to spend
a great deal of energy in my life being Somebody. (And not
getting much return for my investment!). I posed and I postured,
looking good, to attract what I thought I needed. I had
a Somebody for any occasion. I used my vast intellect to
understand everything, and to predict every outcome-- both
for myself and for everyone around me, especially in my
relationships. I had all of the answers. And then one day
I discovered that the way I knew someone was feeling was
not how they were feeling.
And
then another day something turned out differently
than I predicted and I couldn't control it. The more I paid
attention, the more I realized that my control was only
an illusion, some small safe comfort to me in a dangerously
unpredictable world, and my keen awareness of other peoples'
realities was a mere figment of my imagination. I felt like
such a Nincompoop! I came to realize that I actually didn't
know how to figure anything out, I really didn't know what
people were feeling, and I wasn't actually controlling the
outcome of anything or anybody! And so I gave up. I let
go of the whole crazy idea.
I
figured that somebody must be doing it, even if
I wasn't, because it kept on happening without me, so I
turned it over to whoever it was. (And then I took it back,
turned it over, took it back, turned, took, turned, took,
turned). As time went by, I discovered that being a total
Nincompoop wasn't so bad. I didn't have to get anything
perfect anymore, I didn't have to know how to get relationships
to come out the way I wanted, I didn't have to know exactly
what other people were thinking or needing. "I am such a
Nincompoop about some things!" What freedom! No more posing
and posturing. No more Perfect Answers. No more managing
and manipulating to control the outcome. Just a shrug of
the shoulders, and turning it over to whoever is really
doing it anyway. And taking it back, the turning it over,
taking it back, turning it over, etc.
It
turns out that I am a Nincompoop about knowing how to turn
it over Perfectly. Ahh, what freedom, what a simple gentle
freedom. Care to join me?
