Return to Main Page | Appendix

INDEX (click any category)
  1. Foreward
  2. Rosemary Goodenough (1904-1973)
  3. Family Services
  4. Jail Services
  5. A New Name, Incorporation, and an Office
  6. Friendly Mothers Clubs
  7. Youth Programs
  8. Christmas
  9. Volunteering
  10. Funding
  11. The Outsiders Club
  12. Prison Visitors Center
  13. Public Education about Prison-related matters
  14. Philosophy
  15. Expansion of Friends Outside around California
  16. Prison Representative Program
  17. In Memory
Foreward
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This is a story of an extra ordinary woman and the organization she founded, known now as Friends Outside. It is not intended to be a definitive biography, though Rosemary certainly deserves to have one written about her, but rather a living document that will be added to as people read it and add their memories. Please use the “Contact Us” link for this purpose.  Fortunately, Rosemary was a prodigious writer, much of it still available. Also some friends and volunteers have written about their experiences with her. We are particularly grateful to Rosemary’s daughter, Ann, and her son and daughter-in-law, Tom and Sue Goodenough, for making their personal files available. Sue Goodenough was both a long-time volunteer and a staff member with the first chapter, in Santa Clara County. These files include Rosemary’s personal writing as well as her poetry, some of which can be found on this website. The chapter must be commended for keeping the majority of its newsletters. These provide not only information to correct inaccurate memories but also, more importantly, give a true picture of the flavor of the organization.

It is no surprise that Friends Outside staff and volunteers have written so little about their experiences with Rosemary and the organization, because these special people have always been doers, not talkers or writers. One outstanding exception is Jeanette Rust of Palo Alto, whose poignant report was written while Rosemary was still alive, with an addendum added after her memorial. Another was Anne Loftis who, with Rachelle Marshall, wrote movingly about Rosemary and the early days. Also included are excerpts from Joan Baez’s letter to the family after Rosemary’s death. Joan, the mother of the well-known singer, was a close friend and confidant of Rosemary and one of her first volunteers.

The compiler of this document would like to thank David Gibson, a former Youth department staff member with the Santa Clara County chapter, who has provided his input from early on in his project, and Annie Scott, a retired High School teacher, who read through the final document, making the necessary final grammatical and style corrections.

In 2004 Friends Outside will be celebrating the centenary of Rosemary’s birth and, one year later, the 50th anniversary of its founding. Much of the early history of Friends Outside has disappeared with the passing of the early pioneers, but there are still many “old-timers” who can tell a story of a remarkable woman and of the birth and the early years of this unique organization.

Rosemary Goodenough (1904-1973)
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Rosemary was one of those extraordinary people whom anyone would be lucky to meet once in a lifetime.  She was born into a politically active family in northern England where her grandfather served in the House of Commons for many years.  Of her youth, Anne Loftis writes, “She grew up a member of the landed gentry, educated by governesses, riding to hounds, attending balls and, like a typical well-brought-up English girl, working as a volunteer nurse in the local hospital.  When she left for Canada with her three children, she not only owned no diplomas, but had never cooked a meal or washed a dish.  As they stood on the dock at Liverpool, her mother-in-law gave her a copy of Mrs. Beeton’s Household Manual, which offers such advice as how to instruct the third footman in his duties.”  She followed her husband, who had emigrated to Canada in 1938, and spent World War II on a ranch while her husband served with the Air Force.  Then, in 1945, the family immigrated to the United States, first to Southern California, and finally to the San Francisco Peninsula in 1949.

Mrs Joan Baez remembers Rosemary’s arrival at her Boarding House in Menlo Park, “poking her head into the kitchen and saying, in a full-blown British accent, ‘Hello there, you are Mrs. Baez, are you?  I’m Rosemary Goodenough and I promise not to come into your kitchen’.  Her husband had preceded her by one week, staying in our upstairs small room.  He paid his $15 for the week and, after 3 days, he stood in the kitchen doorway – I was always in the kitchen – and said ‘I wonder…eh…do you suppose…well, you see my wife and I want to find a spot to live in this area.  I wonder if, for a week or so while we are looking, we might both stay in that room’.

‘Of course’, I said.  ‘Only one thing,’ I added a little hesitantly, ‘Would you mind her not coming into the kitchen?’

‘I think that can be arranged’ he smiled. That was why Rosemary was so careful on that first appearance.

“That was how she walked into my life and I never let her walk out of it till she died about thirty years later. Even now I can hear her delicious laugh, see her crinkle up her eyes, and hear again some of the words of wisdom she imparted to me. It wasn’t long before we were sitting in our messy back yard eating watermelon and spitting the pits into a huge bucket …..After eating, Rosemary often talked about the forgotten people, the most unfortunate poor whose spouses were behind bars, whose lives and those of their children were smothered by humiliation.

“‘Look,’ she said one day, ‘somehow I’m going to do something about it. Do you suppose, in your busy day with your three children and running this boarding house, you could fit in some few hours in it to help me?’

“’Oh, I’d love that!’, I replied, ‘Where do we start?’ As if they had been cooped up for too long, ideas spilled from Rosemary’s inspired mind like water tumbling over a broken dam.”

Anne Loftis writes, “Mrs. Goodenough’s persuasive quality stems from a variety of physical and personal characteristics.  Her small, stocky figure and smile-wrinkled face give her the appearance of the grandmother everyone wishes they had.  But in action, dressed in a venerable tweed coat and skirt, she talks and moves with the purposeful energy of a film director.  In her cramped office she will greet a visitor with a cheerful wave, glance over a stack of letters, issue sign language instructions to a volunteer – all the while simultaneously engaged over the phone in persuading a representative of the utility company to turn on a destitute mother’s gas and electricity even though back bills haven’t been paid in full.  When asking favors for her clients she presses on with a rapid fire of clipped phrases, outlining the nature of their needs vividly, and suggesting clear-cut solutions with almost irresistible logic.  Her approach is matter of fact (she would say “metter of fect”) rather than sentimental, but the subjects of her concern emerge to the listener more as individual, tormented human beings than as census statistics.”

  Another volunteer remembers her having a somewhat gaunt face, slightly stooped and with a very upper middle class British accent.  Jane Sousa, who first met Rosemary in 1955 or 1956, was the first Main Jail “visitor” and served on her Board of Directors, describes Rosemary as “…physically not what anyone could call beautiful but oh what a heart and mind.”  Sally MacFarland, another early volunteer, describes “…her twinkling, piercing eyes and the way she would cock her head as she zeroed on a potential recruit or as she persistently tried, Sunday after Sunday, to make the members of the Friends Meeting aware of the tremendous problems facing the community.”  Lou Ashworth, a volunteer since 1957, remembers, “She was simply the most charismatic person I’ve ever known.  Rosemary’s super-abundant energy was one of her most astonishing characteristics.  It could be midnight but she was never too tired to do ‘just one last thing’ for a troubled wife or husband, father or son.”  Very direct, she has been described as “feisty” and didn’t suffer fools gladly.  She knew exactly what she wanted and would do whatever it took to get it – often without the other person realizing what was happening.  “She had a level of caring that kept you totally unable to say no to her,” writes Pat Miller.  “How could I not do what she asked when she was doing so much?”

Family Services
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“The idea was conceived in the Palo Alto Friends Meeting … it was started by a Friend and financed initially with $25.00 from the Palo Alto Meeting,” writes Rosemary in 1968 of the founding of Friends Outside.  “Being a Quaker, both by the belief that there is God in every man and by the sometimes embarrassing belief in Quakers by the public of their interest in prisons, one has a head start in being able to work in the area of prisoners families.”  In 1953, Rosemary, Joan Baez Sr. and Gwen Haley started slowly and carefully “…seeking out social workers for addresses of (prisoners) families, found ways to make them trust us, then discovered their needs,” writes Joan Baez.  “Rosemary, meanwhile, knocked on the doors of the jail authorities.  That was the hard part.  But backed by a compelling desire to make a difference in some lives and a talent for getting to the soft side of many who could have been her adversaries, she often found the right source and came home with good news - at least encouragement enough to keep her pushing.”

Once the Sheriff allowed Rosemary to have volunteers begin interviewing jail inmates to find out their concerns about their families, the volunteers would get the inmates’ permission to visit their families. The 1963 Annual Report notes: “In 1956, two volunteers started to visit the families of prisoners in the County Jail who were worried about ‘what was happening at home’.  One of our first cases was to find the mother of an elderly man in jail for being mixed up in a drunken brawl in which he had lost his wallet. He said he was driving her from Oregon to Southern California: they had stopped for the night at a motel; he had gone out in the evening and had not returned. She was 80 and practically blind.”

After the “jail visitors” reported back to her, Rosemary would then get other volunteers (affectionately known as “Runners”) to visit the families to work on their immediate problems such as obtaining welfare, food, and clothing.  And what did they find as they went out with a list of new addresses?  Here are two very typical cases visited in one day as described in Rosemary’s autobiography:

“The first stop was at a dilapidated wooden shack in an orchard.  Here we found a middle-aged woman with a brood of grandchildren.  Our ‘client’ was an 18-year-old daughter who had two tiny children and was expecting a third. The house was bare and clean; we wondered where everyone slept.  The mother was supporting this married daughter and her children but the stepfather was resentful, and the girl was to move into her own place as soon as her welfare check came.  In the meantime she had had no money of her own for weeks.  We found the children had no change of clothes, no crib and the girl needing maternity smocks and skirts.  We gave her a contribution towards the family budget and promised to bring clothes the following week and to find her a crib when she moved and would keep in touch with her.

“Our next client was a beautiful young girl living in a relatively-new apartment.  She had been a secretary until 5 weeks ago when her salary had been attached to pay debts for which her husband was in jail.  She was now six months pregnant and looked pinched and pale.  She told me that she had been accepted for State Aid but would have another month to wait before getting a check.  Meanwhile she was down to her last $1.50.  We asked about her rent and she said she had paid it up with her last paycheck.  We kept this girl in groceries until her check came, found her a radio to make her loneliness more bearable, and will try to get some nice baby clothes for her.  She has written 60  "thank you” letters for us since Christmas.”

“When a prisoner in jail wants his family visited, often as not we find that family on the rocks, financially and emotionally,” writes Rosemary.  “Pulling it off by filling the hole with a few dollar bills, cans of food, some used clothing, all fused together with good advice is not enough.  The dollars are soon spent, the food eaten, the clothes worn and the advice lost along the way.  The answer is ever giving material things though it is surprising how many needs are relatively easy to meet in this affluent society.  We have found the answer is a continuing responsibility; in offering friendship and trying to fulfill the emotional need of acceptance and something to look forward to, even if it only another visit.

“One can share sorrow but one cannot share shame.  Perhaps it is the most bitter human feeling, as destroying as jealousy.  It causes one to withdraw, and the mother rejects the overtures of friendly neighbors (if any) so the children sense this fear and in their turn show hostility.  We are able to break right through withdrawal by saying ‘We have seen your husband in jail; he is so worried about you he has sent us to see if we can help you.’  So we know all about him being in jail; the worst is out.  In spite of this we have come to help.  The miracle is that we are not paid; we do not represent any other organization, just people in the community who have a great concern for families of prisoners.  So we break through their fears.

“Gradually we hear the whole story; never at the first and often not at the second visit.  Often we marvel that so much can happen and the woman is still capable of running a house.  Sometimes it takes a while to find out how emotionally disturbed she is.  Having a telephone number to call, knowing that her visitor will come again, the offer of a club to join, that the children might be able to participate in some recreation – to a woman not too disturbed this is often enough therapy to keep her on an even keel, to improve the atmosphere in the home so that the children’s load of anxiety is lifted and the man in incarceration is less unhappy.”  

To help with some of the immediate problems, Rosemary opened a depot for clothes and food in Palo Alto in 1956.  She also realized that the wives had to be involved in long-term programs if there was going to be any permanent change.  Her first step would be the formation of  “Friendly Mothers’ Clubs”.  It was then the runner’s responsibility to tell the families about Friends Outside, try to get them to join a Mothers Club and later, when established, to sign her children up for Friends Outside’s Youth Programs. The formation of the Friendly Mothers’ Clubs and Youth programs will be discussed in their own sections later in this document.

Rosemary saw that a big part of her and her volunteers’ role was as a negotiator with the public and private people involved in the families’ lives.  A good example is noted in the October 1959 newsletter: We found a wife and seven children living in direst poverty in a place from which they were about to be evicted, and with no utilities. Talked with the landlady, who lives next-door, and confirmed she had intended to have them evicted for non-payment of rent the preceding month, but had relented.  However, fully intended to put them out the first of September.  They were in arrears three months at $50 a month.  We worked out a deal with her whereby she would let them stay if they paid $50 to her.  We told her the woman would be on welfare effective Sept. 1, so she might hope for something better from now on.  So far the Welfare had given her only a food order which she couldn't pick up as she had no way of getting to the office.  We took her to pick this up.  We talked with the PG & E.  They agreed to make a concession about a $65 back bill.  If we would pay $33 now, they would re-connect the service if our client would promise to pay on the old bill when her welfare checks started, and keep up her current bills.  She agreed.”

Jail Services
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In an interview with Margaret Szekely in 1987, Mel Hawley recalls meeting Rosemary in the summer of 1955, after a fiercely fought successful election the prior fall as a reform candidate for Sheriff of Santa Clara County.  (Rosemary reputedly worked for his election but there is no record of it.  Mel’s wife Sally would soon become a dedicated volunteer.)  Soon afterwards, Rosemary was given permission to visit men in the jail who were worried about their families and were referred by the Rehabilitation officers.     This has been taken as the starting year of the organization, although Rosemary used 1954 in much of her writing and she was visiting families before that.  In January 1957 Rosemary and her volunteers took the name “Santa Clara County Jail Auxiliary” but remained part of the American Friends Service Committee.  In 1958 volunteers were allowed to speak to all the prisoners processed at the Jail Farm (Elmwood) each week and by 1960 volunteers were seeing the men in the main jail at a prisoner’s request.  “Once a week an Auxiliary member sees the new inmates in the jail and tells them of the services we offer and if a man is worried about his family we will visit.  The next week the visitor reports on what we are have been able to do, though in most cases the men already know through their wives.” writes Rosemary in her autobiography the prior fall.  Later this project would be expanded to any problem on the outside and for any inmate.  Jail Visitors also would help inmates with letter writing, would send birthday cards, would find a home for a pet left behind when a single man was taken to jail, to name some of the many other activities. 

“The same year (1956),” notes the 1963 Annual Report, “ we were asked to visit the SADDEST MINORITY GROUP in the County - the WOMEN PRISONERS - and set up a recreation program for them.  One of our first errands was to the home of a woman who was being held in jail until some information had been obtained.  She was frantic because she had left a retarded adult daughter and a dog locked in her house.  She had expected to return home immediately after the court hearing.”  Women inmates were an overlooked element at the time because of the ratio of 600 men to 20-30 women, notes Rosemary in her autobiography.  “We visit the women three times a week.  Since there is no work or recreation program offered by the County, we found them lamentably idle when we first visited four years ago….lying on their beds or watching TV.  When cleaning is shared between twenty or thirty women, it does not leave the individual much to do, and the ironing and mending of the men’s clothes is done by women with the longer sentences so that they can qualify for ‘good time’ (day off their sentence for good behavior).  Last year the Auxiliary spent $600.00 on material for handwork embroidery, ‘do-it-yourself’ projects which are prepared by groups in Churches and Women’s Clubs, yarn, crochet, cotton and yardage for the sewing class which is held once a week.  Many of the women who have never held a needle make clothes for their children and endless presents for family and friends. When visiting the women we go the rounds asking if there are any errands we can do for them.  We try to see that each woman has adequate clothing on release and better places for them to stay.”

This organization established and became responsible for stocking a library at the Rehabilitation Center in Milpitas in 1959.  Later, a Library program was introduced at the main jail and Rosemary arranged for bookstores to donate their unwanted or excess books.  A volunteer would wheel a bookcase tier-to-tier, giving and taking back books twice a week.  Many outsiders worried about the safety of volunteers in the jail, but the inmates were so appreciative of the services provided that they were always on their best behavior.

A New Name, Incorporation, and an Office
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The auxiliary changed its name to Santa Clara County Friends Outside in 1961, and the organization moved into its first office at 285 S. Market Street, San Jose.  Lola Chapman remembers it as “the old USO building in the park at San Carlos and Market”; Carolyn Holt as “…a very early San Jose building owned by the city….across from the Civic Auditorium…Various civic volunteer programs had free office space there.  The ‘office’ was a desk and a telephone in the corner of the office of the American Friends Service Committee.  They were also the donors of a typewriter and an antique wooden filing cabinet.”  Ann Horvitz was also appointed Assistant Director in 1961.

In the summer of 1961 Rosemary underwent serious emergency surgery in Stanford Hospital.  There were serious complications and her recovery was very slow so active service was impossible for a while.  It is a credit to the volunteers she had recruited that the organization did not miss a step during that difficult time.

The first Annual Meeting of the newly named Santa Clara Friends Outside was held on February 18, 1962 and the guest speaker was Mel Hawley.  We are proud to list the following who were elected to the first Board of Directors and Executive Committee:

President: Judge Paul I.Myers, Palo Alto-Mountain View Judicial Courts
Mr. Melvin Hawley, Attorney, Los Altos
Dr. John A. Mattila, Director of Guidance & Spec. Services, Sunnyvale Sch. Dist.
Mr. Stephen Thierman, Exec. Sec., Santa Clara Council of Churches
Mr. Sid Friedman, Juvenile Probation Office
Dr. Walter M. Bowman, M.D., Anesthesiologist
Capt. B. Earl Lewis, Detention Commander, Santa Clara County Sheriff's Dept
Mr. Cesar Garcia, Psychiatric Social Worker., Adult & Child Guidance.
Mr. J. Phillip Buskirk, Los Gatos
Rev. Lewis Riley, First Congregational Church, Palo Alto.
Mrs. Richard Byfield, Member of the National Planned Parenthood Association
Judge Robert Peckham., Superior Court in and for Santa Clara County.
Mr. Norman Goerlich, American Friends Service Committee, Community Relations.
Mrs. Wayne Horvitz, Los Altos.
Dr. Harold Kazmann, M.D., retired, Los Gatos.
Mr. Harold Welch, Member of the First Methodist Church Men's Club, Palo Alto.
Miss Guenn Haley, Stanford Univ.
Mrs. Thomas Sousa Palo Alto.
Dr. Kenneth Bell, Exec. Dir., Santa Clara County Council of Churches

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE

CHAIRMAN: Rev. Lewis Riley
Mr. Norman Goerlich Dr. Harold Kazmann
Mrs. Wayne Horvitz
Mrs. Richard Byfield
Mr. Philip Buskirk
Mr. Cesar Garcia
Mrs. Thomas Sousa
Miss Guenn Haley

Starting in April of 1962 the monthly Executive Committee meetings were held in the library at Elmwood at the invitation of Captain Lewis.  Rosemary felt that the proximity of the facility & the inmates would help to emphasize the work being done by the organization.  Most of the Board members were also volunteers working with one or more of the programs.  Everyone had to bring his or her own lunch.  David Mitchell remembers one lunch particularly because it was shortly after Easter and Ann Horvitz cracked a colored egg on the table only to discover to her surprise and horror that it was still raw.

“A Board of Directors meeting was held on May 2, 1963, at which the By-Laws of the Articles of Incorporation of the Santa Clara County Friends Outside were formally accepted”, reports the May newsletter.  Owing to the growing importance of the Friendly Mothers Clubs, 1963 saw the addition of Thelma Rhoades, a long time volunteer, as Assistant Director, with responsibility for them.  1963 also saw the weaning away from reliance on the A.F.S.C. while recognizing its importance.  The May newsletter notes: “The American Friends Service Committee is closing its San Jose Office owing to a lack of local financial support.  Dr. Kazmann, President of the International Student Center , says that Friends Outside can keep its office space while the Center is operated in this building, but we might have to use an answering telephone service if the Center is not going to have a full time secretary through the summer.  As one never really appreciates things until one faces losing them, we would like to put on record how much the AFSC has done for our organization ever since we started.  For years they allowed us to share  a telephone and the use of a typewriter, their secretary has taken our calls, and we have had untold ‘hand-outs’ of office supplies.  As we missed Phil Buskirk, so we are going to miss Norman Goerlich, but we are happy to know he will still be a Board member.”

The first Annual Meeting as a corporation was held at the Palo Alto Unitarian Church in 1964 and Superior Court Judge Robert Peckham, later elevated to the federal District Court bench, was elected as the President, with Rev. Lou Riley as the Chairman of the Executive Committee.  “Judge Paul Myer presided and introduced the new directors: Judge John J. Dutton, Norman Stoner, Milo Lacy, Mrs. Florence Sund, J. Philip Buskirk (reelected), Charles Larsen and the Rev. J. Wesley Pierson,” reported the March 1964 newsletter.

The early rapid growth of Friends Outside in programs and organization is amazing in hindsight.  However it did not come easily for Rosemary, evidenced by the many times she had doubts and fears.  She writes in the December 1964 newsletter “Looking back on the umpteen miles I have driven, mostly at night, or the hours I have spent away from my desk, I am forced to wonder if it is worth the time and energy….simply because my message….fight poverty with personal service….seems to meet with so little response.  My one fear is to work people too hard….or for them to work themselves into having to quit. (This old optimist) is seldom disillusioned by clients…..it would be sad if she became cynical about the very welcoming , interesting people who…Heaven help them…ask them to come and tell about Friends Outside.”

Carolyn Holt “….became a paid employee for four hours, 3 days a week.  It often turned into four days a week, or five, especially at Christmas” in 1965.  1965 was also the year in which Friends Outside received the annual award for Outstanding Social Agency Services by the California Social Workers Organization.  As Rosemary wrote in the May 1965 newsletter, “This is truly a shot in the arm because we have proven there can be ‘peaceful co-existence’ and ‘real integration’ in Santa Clara County between those who have the responsibility of administering taxpayers’ money and trying to give their clients the best possible deal, and those volunteers who supplement with friendship, recreation and material resources.”  The award was followed by a letter from the Sheriff noting

“On behalf of the Santa Clara County Sheriff’s Office, I would like to congratulate you and Friends Outside for your richly deserved recognition by the California Social Workers Organization in commending you for outstanding service and dedication to the welfare of others. This department knows full well of your untiring efforts and the good you accomplish in a sincere, quiet and unobtrusive manner.”

Friends Outside moved into “Our House” at 712 Elm Street, San Jose, over the 1966 New Year’s weekend “because that is when the man-power was available. However, what a week-end to move,” writes Rosemary in the January 1966 newsletter, “especially as most of the male angels we know were nursing sore backs and suspected hernias from hauling Christmas boxes.  However, two heroes turned up with a truck and two more heroes were recruited from a seat in the park (old Elmwood friends, of course) and together with two young helpful boys and our secretary Joan Runkle, the move was accomplished.  The President of the ‘Outsiders Club’ has taken charge of the outside maintenance for the first year….’Our House’ is great, beyond our wildest dreams of the house we hoped for ‘someday’.  Our hopes for the future are high …”.  It was a large old home, comfortable for the families, with a big back yard in which the children could play.  Carolyn Holt describes it as “…a warm and friendly place.  Everyone was truly welcome and the friendly lunches at noon around the kitchen table provided the perfect atmosphere to hash out a problem or just to provide a relaxing breather for everyone.”   The March 1966 newsletter notes that, under the leadership of Judy Wilson, “The clothes closet is great.  The users have almost doubled since we had it under the same roof as the office.”

The Annual Meeting in 1966 was held on February 14th at the First Methodist Church on Old San Francisco Road in Sunnyvale.  Rosemary always believed that a strong Board of Directors was essential to the future of Friends Outside and attracted the following new directors:

R. Donald Chapman, Chief Public Defender, Santa Clara County
William Keogh, Associate Dean, Stanford Law School
Mary Charles, Santa Clara County Welfare Dept.
James Geary, Under Sheriff, Santa Clara County
David Mitchell, Attorney
Judge John T. Racanelli, Superior Court
Fred Rice, Estate Developer

Thanks to the Rosenberg Foundation grant (discussed in more detail in the Funding section) Ann Horvitz, who had been the volunteer Assistant Director for the past five years, was hired as Executive Secretary in September 1966 to “expand our volunteers’ program and work out broader areas for them to work in, better liaison with our clients, not to mention sharing with Rosemary the representing of Friends Outside at many meetings and speaking engagements.”  Unfortunately, Elizabeth Wood, who for the prior year had done a devoted job of day-to-day casework and of keeping contact with the many supportive churches, had to find full employment, and Ann had to assume her duties as well.  The necessity of finding full employment was a growing trend among volunteers in the mid 60’s and would have a profound effect on Friends Outside in the years to come.

Rosemary announced in the February 1968 newsletter that: “This is my last year as Director of Friends Outside (of Santa Clara County).  I want to leave on my 65th birthday while the organization is growing and strong.”  As part of this growth, the April 1968 newsletter also announced the addition of Helen Currier as Family Services Director.  Helen had been a Mothers Club advisor and Area Chairman.  And in the October 1968 newsletter Rosemary wrote: “The Miracle has happened and I am no longer Director.  Margaret Muirhead has accepted the responsibility.  She has been a (Mothers) Club advisor, Area Chairman, and coordinator of the Mothers Clubs.  She and her husband were on the Family Camp staff last year, and again this year when Frank Muirhead was the Director.”

When Rosemary retired, she left the chapter with:

  1. 13 Mothers Clubs with 250 club mothers and 750 children enrolled on one or another of their programs ranging from nursery school through teenage activities.
  2. Approximately 250 tutors from Stanford, San Jose State and Foothill Community College.
  3. 7 day camps with over 100 volunteers working as camp directors, assistant directors, swimming instructors, counselors, transporters etc.
  4. Family camp with 17 mothers and 75 children
  5. Camperships for over 100 children aged 9 or older.
  6. “Big Brothers” and 13 “Big Sisters”.
  7. A team of 4 volunteers visiting the men’s jail.
  8. A team of 10 volunteers working with the women inmates.
  9. 52 circles with approximately 600 sponsors at $1 a month and approximately 200  at $100 a year.
  10. A total volunteer force of between 400 & 500.

Friendly Mothers clubs
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The first club was formed in 1960 in Palo Alto as Rosemary had realized that “little lasting good came of (just) visiting and finding food and clothing”, as noted in a 1965 Friendly Mothers’ Clubs bulletin.  In her operating manual, “1954 –1972 Friends Outside in California,” Rosemary writes “The purpose of a Friendly Mothers’ Club is to bring together women (with husbands in jail or prison) ………who are seeking friendship and recreation for themselves and opportunities for their children.  The purpose ……… will be to offer a program by which the members can enrich their own lives by developing skills, enrich the lives of their children by knowing the resources and taking advantage of all plans which will encourage them to stay in school, and become aware of the problems of others and participate in local activities as informed citizens.  These were self-governing with the assistance of 2 volunteer advisors ‘deciding on procedure, program and projects ….. (and) use of club funds.’”  Meetings were held at churches.  “While the mothers met in their club, their preschool children have a Nursery School program.  Each one has a volunteer teacher, assistant, helpers and baby sitter” provided by members of the host congregation.  “Some of the children are already showing signs of mistrust and aggression, but after a meeting or two all the children run freely into the playroom. …  The volunteers and their helpers are women in their thirties with no special training, but are outgoing intelligent people with a real love for and an unpunishing attitude towards others,” writes Rosemary.

“In November”, notes the December 1963 newsletter, “three of the four Friendly Mothers Clubs sent representatives to a group meeting where ideas for a common policy, purpose and rules were discussed.”  This led the following March to the formation of a Coordinating Council composed by delegates from each club who will be responsible for these and other matters affecting the whole.  By the end of 1964 there were 7 such clubs operating in a Friends Meeting House, a Lutheran, Presbyterian, Baptist, Christian churches as well as two Methodist churches.  How ecumenical could Friends Outside be? 

“Each club will give a party to the children,” Rosemary writes in the chapter’s December 1964 newsletter, “between 400-500 children will have a party planned and carried out BY THEIR PARENTS and not one given by a beneficent public.” 

By 1968 there were 13 clubs. “The clubs are the core of the Friends Outside organization,” writes Rosemary in 1968.  “Friends Outside learned about the problems of prisoners’ wives through the clubs.  Here they can talk freely……their experiences (but not necessarily their backgrounds) are similar.  Their children are their main concern…..

‘They are failing in school ……’.  So Friends Outside started a Tutoring program (see Youth Programs).

‘The children face a hot summer with no planned vacation.’  So Friends Outside started Day Camps” (see Youth Programs).

‘Our teenagers in fatherless homes are becoming a great problem’.  So Friends Outside started One-On-One programs (see Youth Programs).

‘Prisoners’ families feel particularly rejected at Christmas.’  So Friends Outside started special programs at Christmas.”

The following is an extract of a letter written by a Mothers’ Club participant to a Panel Discussion at San Quentin on October 14, 1961:

“The blind, the lame, the invalids are all remembered by charities and organizations interested in seeing that these people lead as normal a life as possible.  But what about us?  The women whose men are in jails and prisons?  What is being done for us and our men so that one day our family can be re-united again?  What happens to us in the meantime while we wait out the days, and months and years for a tomorrow that may never come?

Up until last year, no one paid any interest in us and no one seemed to care what happened.  Oh, some of us worked from day to day, others lived on with our children, but we had no chance to be part of a normal society.  Then an organization called the Santa Clara Jail Auxiliary came to the rescue.  Members of this organization thought that if women in our situation could have some place to go, something to do, our lives would be richer and happier.  A small club was formed, the Thursday Club as we came to call it; for two Thursdays a month we come together.  Here are women devoting their time and efforts to see that we can gather in a group where, for a little while, our troubles, our heartaches, our fears are forgotten.  If we or our children need clothing or any kind of assistance we can talk it over at the club, and find a solution.

It is a small beginning, but if more people could hear about us and of the wonderful work done by the Auxiliary, then perhaps a whole new world could be opened for prisoners' families.

We and our children have been forgotten for a long time, but finally there has begun for us a new hope, one in which we and our children will be able to live with the rest of society as equal members”.

Rosemary believed strongly in training and education as a way to get off welfare and of  Friendly Mothers’ clubs as a way for women “who live in the same area to become acquainted and pool resources, cars, gas, baby sitting so that training and education becomes a realistic possibility.”  She understood that this also enabled women to meet women in the same circumstances who were good managers: “better than any self-help books, lectures or home economics courses.”

But there were times for fun as well.  Marilyn Burns describes her most memorable time in Friends Outside as “….a Mothers Club party ….where everyone brought something, including food, guitars and laughter.  The salsa was the hottest I ever had but the fellowship and fun was unforgettable.”   “Friends Outside would never have motivated so many mothers to develop their potential if we had not promoted recreation”, Rosemary reminds us.

The Clubs had their own creed: “We, the members of the ___________ Friendly Mothers Club, meet together in sisterhood regardless of religion, race, or color.  We solemnly pledge to help ourselves and one another to live happier lives, to encourage our children to stay in school, to help them in every way possible to grow up healthy in mind and body, free from insecurity. 

We welcome new members who are in need of help, yet try to help themselves.  We offer them the greatest gift of all – loyal friendship.”

A special club for State prisoners’ wives called the Rock Pile Widows was started in 1964.  In a San Jose Mercury article of October 11, 1970, one of the wives was quoted as saying, “’When I first came to Friends Outside I had so much locked inside myself, it was dangerous.  If I hadn’t found someone to talk to, I know I would have lost my mind.’  Beth’s husband had been convicted of second-degree murder.  ‘The stories were in the newspaper and the kids at the school teased my 10 year old son.  He went from the top of his class to the bottom; he got into fights defending his father and me (you know, people always think if a man could commit murder, his wife can’t be much better); he hated the police for what they had done to his father.’

“When her husband went to prison, she suddenly found herself with six children and no income.  Worst of all she had no friends.  ‘You would be amazed how your friends disappear when your husband goes to prison.  My in-laws even turned against us.  They wouldn’t take care of the kids or anything.’ 

“‘Having the opportunity to talk with other women who really understand what you are going through makes all the difference,’ said another wife.  ‘The things we say aren’t always nice, but after we get these things out of our system, we can go on living.’”

One of the most heartening events would be to see the women being able to help each other when possible.  Writing in the February 1962 newsletter, Rosemary recounts one such example when a club member and her seven children were evicted: “Who came to the rescue?  The other club members, each with children of her own, economically trying to keep their heads above water, took the kids.  When these women first came to the club they were mostly withdrawn and very self-absorbed.  With their problems, it is only too understandable.  Now they can reach out….more power to them!”

The first Annual Arts & Crafts Show was held on May 2, 1964.  The June 1964 newsletter reports: “The show was indeed a success.  It was delightful that ‘the old club’ (North County) won the trophy with their braided rug.  The participation by all the clubs, and the obvious friendship and fun shown by all who came made one feel that there is little doubt that some such affair will be an annual event.  One of the North County advisors writes:- The meeting after the show was full of excitement, bright eyes and blue ribbons. Everyone is giving off an atmosphere of gaiety and success.”

How appreciated were the clubs by their members?  Some comments were included in the newsletters, a good example of which is the one which appeared in the January 1964 edition: “Here is a letter written by the very young wife of a very young Outsider whose marriage looked as though it could not survive two years ago, when he came out of jail, with no job, little hope, and three babies under three all existing in a one-bedroom home.

My Dear Friends:

I would like to take this opportunity to tell everyone how thankful I am for the kindness shown to me and my family from the Friends Outside.  We owe a lot to this wonderful club.  They gave us friends when we were friendless.  The Friendly Mothers took me and my babies in as part of them.  For me it meant friends I can depend on when I need help and also that I am sharing with the mothers their problems and joys in life.  For my children it means greater opportunities for a happy secure life, and to know the art of making friends.

We all wish to thank everyone who made it possible for our club to stay together, and who have been so kind to help us.  We thank you from the bottoms of our hearts.

Gratefully, P. C.’"

Youth Programs
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In 1958 the Auxiliary obtained five camperships for the children of prisoners.  “We started to raise money for camperships and each year have sent more and more children of 9 years and older away to Residential Camps,” writes Rosemary in 1968.  “We are most careful to use camps geared to the needs of disadvantaged youth.”   And who are these children?  The May 1963 newsletter introduces us to a few:

“B.S., aged 15, had to call up the police because his mother was swallowing all her sleeping pills and threatening to kill herself.  The real tragedy is that he knows all the procedures - he has done it before.  Then he has to stay home to baby-sit his little sister until his mother is sent home.  We would like to send him to Unalayee Camp way up in the Trinity Alps for 2 weeks.  Here he would not only be leading a real boy’s life, but would also hear the trials and troubles of others, and have the benefit of counseling under the best conditions.  BUT this is expensive, all of $100.  Does anyone think that this boy deserves the break and would like to contribute towards it?

L.M. has cared for a sick mother deserted by the father who was an alcoholic.  All year she has been back and forth to the hospital, and has undergone a very painful operation.  L. has been kindness itself, as well as contributing towards the family budget.  Ho is also president of his high school class in a school where there is a big majority of highly so-called privileged teenagers.  He went to Unalayee two years ago and it is has been his dream to go back.  Will you help him?

V.M., C.C. and L.M. are all the oldest of four or more siblings.  They are ten years old.  Each boy has had far more responsibility with the younger children than is fair; each has seen his father off to prison.  In one case in particular, the boy was devoted to his father and it does not take much imagination to know hurt this kid is.  Let’s send them away for a week where they can eat, sleep, and enjoy a program of fun, and hopefully forget their troubles.

There are equally as many girls who need a break away from home.  Far too many of them grow up too soon, they see too much, and have too much to hide.  Always we think of Kitty....half American, half Japanese, who brought 5 little half brothers and sisters to an Easter Egg Hunt when she was all of 9 years old herself, and personally saw that each got a fair share of the eggs.  When someone saw that she was empty handed and asked if she had not gotten any eggs, she replied, ‘Oh, I never had time to look.’”

Camperships were not only paid for by the annual campership fund drive.  The May 1963 newsletter reports: “Boysville Camp has promised to match camperships with us.  They will give ten, if we can find them ten. To have 20 boys taken care of is really wonderful.  We are hoping that the churches will come through at the beginning of June, as they come to the end of their Sunday school year.  In the meantime, we have had a number of camperships from people in the Community which has cheered us up very much: 4 from the Women’s Groups in one church alone, which was a most generous surprise; 3 from a Women's Club and 2 others from groups in churches.  2 YMCA and 1 Hidden Villa camperships have also been received.”

From the five camperships Rosemary raised in 1958, this figure would rise to over one hundred in 1964 when “Our only loss was 6 sleeping bags” and one hundred and forty six in 1965.  Each year Friends Outside would receive thank you letters and the following were reported in the September 1964 newsletter: 

“C.C. writes: ‘I liked Camp very much. I caught quite a few fish while I was at Camp.  The biggest fish I caught was a 24 inch Rainbow Trout.  My group went on an overnight hike, and while we were gone a bear came and raided our Camp.  I am going to close, but before I do I would like to thank the ones who paid my way to Camp. And hope very much to go next year.’ 

 “A MOTHER writes: ‘It's just impossible to put into words what a wonderful summer my boys had this year and 1ast.  The three oldest went to Camp and enjoyed themselves so much, and they are looking forward to next year already.  C. went to Camp Unalayee and he was the most excited child you ever saw.  It helped them tremendously; they have been much better boys since they came back.  Also my young ones got to go to Day Camp along with the others, and this was a wonderful thing for them.  They have something to look forward to all summer, and we hope we'll have this again next year.  Would like so much to thank all the people who made this possible for my children and many others.  It means an awful lot to our children and to our children and to us mothers because we can’t do it for them.’”

Monthly day camps were started in the winter of 1960 followed the next year by weekly day camps during summer vacation.  “We get our counselors from High Schools and Church Groups,” continues Rosemary.  “We let them, not adults, run the Day Camps, having only one adult Day Camp Director.  The camp staffs are all volunteer.  We avoid ‘rich kids doing things for poor kids’ by having a 4-year age gap between camper and counselor and the relationship is that of Big Kids playing with Little Kids.  ….’Our’ children have an even greater need to be liked than a child who does not have the invisible drawback of having a so-called ‘bad dad’ in prison.”  Rosemary realized that, due to the stigma of being “prison related”, it was necessary to have youth programs for these children only.  The winter day camps were held at local churches with that church usually providing the volunteer director and the high school and college age volunteers.  Many of the summer day camps were held at private swimming pools.   

The tutoring program was started in 1962, “As an experiment, we put 8 Stanford University students into 8 homes last winter to help the children with their home work one evening a week.  In each case it worked because of the good relationship between parent and tutor.  In 6 cases the children’s grades improved, and only because 2 families moved away out of reach, could we not count it a 100% success,” reports the August 1963 newsletter.  The December 1966 newsletter reports: “This year 200 San Jose State College students are tutoring in the homes of our families.” 

This was followed by a teenage girls’ program in 1963.  Programs grew so fast that a part time Youth Director, Carol Peterson, was hired in 1966 and then Mary Butcher, who came to Friends Outside from the Camp Fire Girls, became a full time staff member in 1967. 

In 1967, “thanks to the Congregational Church allowing us to use their camp site,” Rosemary started an annual Friends Outside Family Camp at Camp Cazadero near the Russian River.  “We are able to give ‘family fun’ at last!  Mothers from the clubs are able to go to Camp for a week with their children.  The camp is staffed entirely by volunteers and teenager who give us a week of their vacation.  …. One of the interesting proofs of how people help people is that three ex-convicts and two Deputy Sheriffs loaded the Greyhound buses which took 14 prisoners’ wives and 70 children to camp ….”  Also in 1967, Fairchild Semiconductor Charities Committee donated a “brand new cream colored Ford bus”, which helped to expand the Youth Department’s programs.

Teenage boys weekend camping, auto shop, and One-to-One programs were started in 1968. 

“Great consideration must be given to the parent(s),” wrote Rosemary in her Policies used in Youth Programs.  “In no way should parental responsibility toward the children be disregarded by program or volunteer.  The family unit must be encouraged to develop.  Sign up and permission slips are one very simple way to strengthen family ties.  Through their use parents feel they do indeed have a say in the children’s activities.  Also the children feel that the parent, rather than Friends Outside, has provided this opportunity for them.  …. While on the subject of respect for the family, volunteers should never expose the children to any philosophical views, religious, social or political, that might violate parents’ beliefs.  Youth Programs should offer friendship and fun.  The children must not become a captive audience for evangelizing or propagandizing.  If this happens, the volunteer must be asked to refrain from such practices or be asked to leave.”  

Much of Rosemary’s philosophy is shown in her letter of January 10th, 1964, to the Day Camp counselors.  “Counselors mean far more to campers than they dream.  A counselor can make the difference between a camper deciding to take the hard road to success or the easy road to failure.  Let’s take them to places that belong to all Americans …State parks, public places of amusement like the zoo, museum and art galleries.  Let’s stay away from concession stands and try not to give them the extras their parents cannot give.  Any money which is to be spent on campers by counselors on trips should be pooled beforehand and divided out so each counselor has the same sum to spend.  Let’s help our campers to think ‘People do like me.  I can do things.  I will be able to teach others.  I can earn, and will be able to get some of the things I need.’”  She also realized that the young volunteers had as much to learn and gain from our youth programs as the campers.

Rosemary had started a separate Campership Fund drive to fund these operations because she also felt that it would be easier to get financial support for the children than financial support for inmates or their wives.  It was a sign of the respect of the organization that a significant portion of this funding came from the Peace Officers Association.  For example, in 1970, led by Jim Geary of the Sheriff’s Dept and its President Dean Madeira, a San Jose police officer, they donated $1,000 towards the goal of $6,000.

Christmas
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Christmas has always been a special season at Friends Outside with parties in the Jail to which inmates can ask their wives and children, boxes for the women inmates in the County jail and the State prison for women in Frontera, and the strongly-supported Christmas box program for the families.

In 1958, Friends Outside was allowed to hold a Christmas Party in the Jail Farm to which inmates could invite their wives and children.  The following is a report of it taken from the January 1959 newsletter:

“Through the cooperation of the Lieutenant in charge of the Jail Farm, approximately 52 men were allowed out of the compound to join their families at the Christmas party given for their children in the Almhouse Library.  It was the fathers who brought their children up to Santa and helped him and the Rehab officers select packages tagged for boys and girls of all ages.  Some of the fathers were deputy sheriffs whose families were invited too, and one father of an excited little boy was Sheriff Hawley.

“The whole set-up was heartwarming.  The abundance of holiday cookies was made by the members of the women's association of one of the local electronics plants; the 275 beautiful gifts (inside as well as out) were donated by 4 church women’s associations and 2 Sunday school groups.  Also donated were ice cream, punch and coffee, and as a finale, the oranges, balloons, and corsages that speeded the departing guests.  A real feeling of good will carried the party to a successful conclusion and there were no unhappy repercussions.  We only wish that everyone who contributed to it could have been there to see this unique party--perhaps the only one of its kind ever held in this country.

“The party for the women in the Jail was equally successful.  Once again there was an abundance of good ‘eats,’ plus a lively program of games in which everybody joined.  We wound up with singing, led by a superb guitar player.  The expenses of this party were underwritten by donations from the Ministerial Association of Palo Alto Churches.  The Lieutenant in charge at the Jail said he was delighted with the accounts he had heard of the party, as were others of the staff and inmates.  The gift boxes, which were packed for the women, were received with the greatest pleasure.  Thanks due to yet another group of church women for these.”

Carolyn Holt saw Christmas as “…the big climax of the year….providing Christmas boxes for our families and the Jail Party.  I loved the job of matching up donors and families during the weeks before Christmas.  Because I knew so many of the families, I could give donors additional background on the youngsters in their ‘Family’.  ….There were always one or two desperate new cases that turned up at the last minute.  I can still visualize ….wrapping and packing these last boxes.”   That same newsletter of January 1959 notes the following about the Christmas box program the month prior:

“Approximately 100 families of men incarcerated at Christmas or released that week received boxes of food, many of which included gifts and clothing for each child.  (These boxes were donated by individuals, associations, clubs and church groups of many different denominations from all over the County.)  The deputy sheriffs who drove the trucks which carried the boxes spoke of the desperate need of the families -and the joy with which the boxes were received.

“To one and all of the literally hundreds of people who contributed to making Christmas happier for their fellow citizens in trouble, thank you.  Without your individual effort this particular Christmas miracle could not have materialized.  Particular thanks to those who pitched in at the last minute to fill boxes promised by others but not delivered.”

The Christmas box program would start in the early fall with letters going out to individuals who had contributed in prior years, and to churches, service groups, and corporations asking for potential sponsors for families.  At the same time, the Family Service department would be signing up and numbering families.  Then the sponsor would be given the family’s number with the ages and genders of the children and suggestions for the contents of a box.  Many sponsors would use this opportunity to involve their own children in buying the food and presents as a lesson in the community’s responsibility towards those less well off than they.  Sheriff’s deputies would continue to deliver the boxes through 1963.  “Though this was done willingly and efficiently, the deputies who drove knew how frightening it was to the families to have a Sheriff’s Department car stop at their door,” writes Rosemary in the January 1965 chapter newsletter.  In 1964, for the first time, volunteers were used to deliver boxes.

Later Friends Outside would arrange for the donation of a warehouse and on a prescribed date approximately two weeks prior to Christmas, the sponsors would deliver the boxes marked with their family’s number.  These would then be arranged by volunteers so that they could be picked up the following Saturday by the families.  This arrangement followed one of Rosemary’s most strongly held beliefs that donations should be made indirectly to avoid possible embarrassment to the family.

How much are the boxes and parties appreciated?  Every year Friends Outside receives letters of gratitude.   The following was reported in the January 1964 newsletter: “ No words are adequate to express the thanks that are due to each of you who contributed to the success of all the projects undertaken by Friends Outside this Christmas.  No newsletter can contain all the stories that trickle into the office.  No one effort can be singled out to be commented on  . . . we take them at random and wish we could mention all.

’There was a present for me TOO’, phoned in a young mother. ‘Guess what?  TWO Blue Chip stamp books FULL.’  ‘You know,’ she went on ‘If it wasn’t f or the Friends Outside I couldn't have taken this Christmas.  I am sure I would have ended up in a bar.  But I'm so darned busy with the Rock Pile Widows and planning all the things we hope to do ... well HAPPY NEW YEAR!’

“’I couldn't give the children any Christmas last year,’ said an old lady, a grandmother, caring for the children of her son away in State Prison.  ‘When all the boxes came I had to go into the bedroom and cry.  Then I thanked God and said to Him that I guessed He’d want me to laugh and make the kids happy.  So I did.’

“’Did you feel that delivering the boxes was worth while?’ was asked of a young man who, with a small girl had spent the morning finding our families.  ‘Yes,’ he answered very thoughtfully. ‘"I'll never forget two of them --the mothers couldn't believe the boxes were for them.  The kids danced and the women cried.  How horrible if no one had come.’

“Approximately 250 needy families were matched with those who wanted to "Give a Happy Christmas.” Only six could not be delivered for some reason.  Five of these were reassigned and gave a Happy New Year and one is waiting for the family to come back from Grandma’s.

“CHRISTMAS PARTIES play a big part in our program.  Four were held on the ‘outside.’ These were run by the Friendly Mothers Clubs for their children.  At one party there were more families with FATHERS participating to a greater or 1esser degree, and the total number of children involved was approximately 200 plus.  COULD THIS RELATE TO THE FACT THAT THERE WERE 100 LESS CHILDREN AT THE PARTY IN THE ‘INSIDE’ THAN THE PREVIOUS YEAR?”

Volunteering
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Rosemary wrote that “Volunteers can offer families of prisoners that which the professional agency cannot give: acceptance from the community, unconditional friendship, resources of our affluent society, immediate help and long range programs of recreation and self-help opportunities.”

Rosemary believed that volunteering had two purposes – the first to provide direct services and the second to educate the volunteer in the needs of the people being helped so that the volunteer could bring pressure on the community to do something about it.  Once a Home Visitor, returning from a visit, was fuming at the conditions she had seen at the home.  Asked by Rosemary, “And what are you going to do about it?”, she replied  “I know one of the members of the Board of Supervisors and I am going to let him know what’s going on!”

“When Rosemary buttonholes me,” Jeanette Rust quotes a San Jose attorney, “I know I am being conned into something, but I like it.”  Rosemary talks right through anybody’s buttonhole directly to his heart.

“I was raised in a very protected home environment,” writes Betty La Brie, “ and my contact with Rosemary opened my eyes to a whole new world of problems – drug abuse, child abuse – that I didn’t know existed or, at least, could close my eyes and pretend it wasn’t there – for me.  Rosemary told us all that we didn’t need to be afraid of helping those ‘outside’ or those ‘inside’.  A fantastic lesson that has been of great value in the last 25 years of my life.”

Rosemary described a good volunteer as “ One who is doing it because she loves what she is doing and not for any other reason.  She should be a good listener and, ideally, she should be well informed about a lot of the resources the community has to offer (so that) at least she will know where she can begin to find an answer.  She should be willing to help but, more than that, she should be determined to know when not to help.  There are times when people should do things for themselves whether they want to or not.  I feel that it is very important that volunteers do nothing for the families that they can do for themselves, simply because every time families do something on their own, they are taking another step to build their own self respect, and above all, we must encourage that.”

“Volunteers are like cobwebs: if you stretch them too far they will break,” Rosemary used to say.  Yet she knew she asked a lot of her volunteers.  She is reported to have referred to herself as “Mrs. Divorce” and she expected her volunteers to try to avoid her.  Rosemary would call Polly Tooker, whom she used when she wanted “classy” typing, and say, “Get your defenses ready – I have work for you.”  Marilyn Burns remembers, “How she could always persuade you to do something you didn’t think you could do!”

Rosemary always recognized the importance of a strong Board of Directors. She wrote to a potential member in 1962, “A Board is the best possible insurance that organizations can not only survive but improve with a change in hands.”

Funding
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As an active Quaker, Rosemary “wanted to keep the organization free from outside interference, especially the strings that are attached to Government, so she pleaded with civic and religious groups for help.  Carefully avoiding a political discussion of prisons and focusing instead on the humanitarian nature of her work, she was a persuasive fund raiser,” Corrections Magazine September, 1979, edition notes.  Rosemary felt that the Government was providing some direct assistance – welfare, medical, housing - and that while it should accept more responsibility, it was up to the community to provide as much as possible of the rest.

“Formal” funding started in 1958 with “Dollar a Month” circles.  Each circle had a secretary who was responsible for collecting and remitting a dollar a month from the circle member, for which they received a monthly newsletter that focused on program activities and “war stories”.  The newsletters, started the year prior, were also very effective in constantly reminding the community about the details of problems facing the families and how Friends Outside would work them out at relatively little cost.  Rosemary was a great believer of the use of “war stories” in raising funds.  She would, for example, negotiate with the PG&E for a family to have the electricity restarted that had been shut off due to lack of funds, with as little money down from Friends Outside as possible,.    Then she would call a friendly minister to get a donation to cover the cost to Friends Outside, in addition to the congregation’s regular donation.

Sally Hawley did a wonderful job of organizing the circles for years.  The first available financial report is the one for March 1958, which shows an incoming balance of $674.28, income of $174 ($77 from circles, $77 from Church women’s groups and $20 Misc.) and $130 disbursements.  June Taulbee was the first Treasurer who remained through 1964 and was followed by Victoria Parkin.  By 1961 annual receipts had risen to $3,158.59.  However they started to make substantial percentage leaps from then on, going to $4,898.76 in 1962, $7,429.56 in 1963, $10,926.38 in 1964, $14,477.71 in 1965 and $22,722.95 in 1966. Friends Outside was able to offer Rosemary “a minimum salary” of $1,673.50 in 1963, which was increased to $2,061.30 in 1964. Centurian Circles, where supporters pledged $100 a year, were introduced in 1966 to help meet the increasing budget.

Money had to be spent very carefully.  David Mitchell recalls the following anecdote illustrating Rosemary’s thriftiness.  One day she received an envelope with the return address marked “The White House”.  She tossed it out thinking that it referred to the well-known San Francisco department store, now defunct, with that name.  A few days later she noticed that the stamp had not been cancelled so she retrieved the envelope from the trash to peel it off.  Then, and only then, did the letter get opened with the news from President Nixon that she had won a presidential award for her work with Friends Outside.

The ’66-’67 Board decided that a paid Executive Secretary and Youth Director were necessary for the future of the organization and approached the Rosenberg Foundation in San Francisco to help them bridge the hurdle of paying their salaries.  Under the direction of Ruth Chance, they gave the chapter a “one year challenge grant in the amount of $15,000 to raise an additional $15,000 before the next September,” reported the November 1966 newsletter.  This was extended into a two-year grant of $30,000.

In 1967, Rosemary delegated Ellis Whiting to prepare a presentation for funding to the United Way.  It was Rosemary’s thought that “….it will still be necessary to raise a large part of our budget.  Hopefully the United Way will take care of our overhead while ‘people take care of people’ by contributions to provide the services we render.”  Their first grant, in the amount of $10,000, was received in 1968.   The United Way was impressed by the amount of services provided for such a small outlay.  Rosemary had been paid only a minimal salary.  As a result, it was necessary to get permanent funding for the Executive Director’s position because she wanted to leave the Santa Clara office and spread the work of Friends Outside around the State.  In 1968 there was still only four fulltime paid staff, all of which came in as volunteers before transferring to paid status.  This was a practice that worked well over the years.  By 1981 the chapter’s annual budget was around $200,000, of which $94,000 came from the United Way.

The Rosenberg Foundation continued to support Rosemary when she started the State Office and the Prison Representative project.  Rosemary reported in the September 1969 newsletter that the State Office had been given “$3,000 to underwrite my travel expenses incurred in starting new chapters.  I have driven 9,334 miles since February.”   In November 1970 they provided an $8,000 grant of which $500 was to be used for contraceptives at Soledad conjugal visiting units.  This was followed by $8,025 in August 1972; $10,575 in January 1973 ($7,100 for Soledad and the remainder unrestricted); another $10,575 in June 1973; $10,000 in November 1973; $20,000 in April 1974; and another $20,000 in October 1974. 

The other principal foundation supporter was the Hancock Foundation which provided specific support for the Prison Reps; $7,200 in March 1971 for Soledad; $5,000 for Soledad in May 1972; $7,200 for Tehachapi in October 1972; $2,500 for Soledad in July 1973.  After Rosemary’s retirement as Executive Director of the State Office , unrestricted $10,000 grants were received in August 1973 and in January, March, May and December 1974 to assist mainly in funding her replacement.

Clarence Heller not only served on Rosemary’s Board of Directors but also provided financial support personally and from his Foundation with a $5,000 grant for Vacaville in December 1972 and an unrestricted $5,000 in January 1974.  Rosemary also received support from the Abelard Foundation with $5,000 grants in January 1973, December 1973 and December 1974.    

It would be some years before the chapter or the State Office would obtain any government funding.

The Outsiders Club
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Formed in 1960 “…. to help each other stay out of legal difficulty.  ….. Interested men in the Mountain View Community Council formed a Board of Advisors, men from many walks of life, who felt that the OUTSIDERS deserved recognition in solving their many problems.” (“THE OUTSIDERS”).  Activities included social events, job training (paper hanging, sign painting, furniture refinishing), following up the adult education provided at the County Jail.  The club met on a regular basis twice a month at Friends Outside’s office.

As reported in the Nov. 16, 1961, article in the San Jose Mercury, the club was hatched on the plea of Jesse Razo, age 34 at the time.  “ ‘I never spent a holiday, Christmas or anything, with my family.  I’d go back to jail six months after I was just out.  My children and wife were taking the punishment.  One member, jailed for writing bad checks, came to the Outsiders for help.  He got a car from one church and some furniture from another.  He was a welder but afraid to take a civil service test because he didn’t think he could pass.  He was shy, miserable feeling.  We encouraged him.  He passed the test and is working.  He tells me he feels he belongs now.  ….. New members are given a six-month tryout.  ‘They have to want to help themselves.  We’ve had men try to con us but they can’t do it.  We’re experts, we see they are looking for something for nothing, thinking of themselves than of their wives and children.  When they don’t get anything from us they just go away.’ “

Prison Visitors Centers
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A Visitors Center, operated by the Monterey chapter, was opened at Soledad prison on July 19th, 1969.  This Visitors Center is still in operation today although now run by the National Office of Friends Outside.

  The following year the Monterey chapter held a Sunday through Friday summer camp at Soledad prison for four families.  The women, who had been unable to visit their husbands that year, enjoyed daily visits with their husbands while the children had play activities and outings with eight local counselors.  Women and children under the age of five slept in a local motel.  Older children and counselors spent nights camped out at a local church.

There was also a Visitors Center at Folsom prison run by the Sacramento chapter.

Public education about prison related matters
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Part of Rosemary’s “educating the community” was to give as many speeches as possible – church groups, service clubs, anyone who needed a speaker.  She spoke without notes, relying on “war stories” of situations that she had recently confronted.  The effect was magnetic.  People for years after her death would tell about hearing Rosemary speak.

  Jeanette Rust remembers, “When Rosemary put on a session to sell Friends Outside, it’s a good show.  She, a former prisoner and a prisoner’s wife, make a trio to startle any indifferent citizen out of his complacency.

‘My husband walked out on me when I was ill and out of funds’, Rosemary may begin, eyeing her audience through sharp eyes set in laugh wrinkles.  She pauses, head thrust forward like a bird, feet awkwardly crossed, shapely hands gesturing.  From this attention-getter she moves onto her climax – the presentation of a young woman who was jailed for passing bad checks, and then to the wife of a long-term prisoner, a Rock Pile Widow.”

Philosophy
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“I came into this country on my 40th birthday,” wrote Rosemary 26 years later.  “I came from a small country lived in over and over again by generations of Englishmen, who had to take care of it or it would have been unlivable.  I came from generations of people who basically felt obligated to leave a good inheritance.  From this background comes my philosophy that each of us inherits the earth for our lifetime.  Let each of us leave the community in which we live a better place for the effort we put in as caretakers.”

“Friends Outside is a way of life…...  We spend a minimum of time in meetings and a maximum of time on the job.  We only give a minimum of orientation and send volunteers out alone.  Their feelings make them humble…and humility is what is needed when one goes out in freedom to meet a person caught in a trap of unfortunate circumstances.  No one ever plans to be the wife of a prisoner BUT THE CHILDREN OF MEN AND WOMEN IN PRISON TODAY ARE THE PRISONERS OF TOMORROW UNLESS SOMEONE CARES ENOUGH TO BREAK THIS TERRIBLE PERPETUATING PATTERN OF DELINQUENCY AND CRIME.” 

She believed the goal of the organization should be:

  • To find the unmet needs of families separated both emotionally and factually from the community through the punishment of having a loved one in prison.

  • To break the existing perpetuating pattern of crime in prisoners’ families by enriching their lives with personal fulfillment, dignity and hope, recreation and understanding.

  • To recognize that the future of all children is equally important to the future of this country, and to know that as true friends, Friends Outside must get the co-operation of the parents in all plans to help their children.

  • To share visibly, through love and friendship, those things we cannot give away, and to give invisibly, through our organization, those needed material things in such a manner as to never humiliate the receiver.

  • To unite the wives of prisoners in clubs for strength and friendship, and to offer greater opportunities for their children’s development.

  • Finally, to turn those who have been helped into Friends Outside themselves, helping others as volunteers, serving the organization in all capacities – as Board Members, staff, and program directors.

    This is taken from a State Office brochure written by Rosemary shortly before her death.    In 1972 she wrote her “Blue Book”, named because it was mimeographed on blue paper, which contained a description of the programs run by the Santa Clara chapter and the philosophy behind them.  Officially it is entitled “Friends Outside in California, 1954 – 1972” and is included in full in the appendix.  It was an instructional manual for new chapters and may well be considered her testament.

    Rosemary believed “That getting welfare can be a step toward future independence provided that it is offered as a stepping stone.  That the wisdom of having to accept welfare in the interest of being able to stay at home with small children ought to be lauded, but in the interest of their future she should not remain on it after the youngest is in school.”  Remember that she wrote this in the late fifties or the sixties – long before current belief about welfare.

    Well before it became acceptable, Rosemary believed that criminals were often abused and unloved as children.  She writes in her autobiography “it’s a sobering thought that the child on our street who performs some act of violence is subconsciously trying to draw attention to himself.”  Volunteer Polly Tooker notes Rosemary’s theory that the people in jails had been unwanted and unloved babies, a factor separate from poverty. She quotes Rosemary, “A baby knows when it is not wanted and not because it is sleeping in a bureau drawer.”

    S. Jones quotes the example: “…a woman, whose husband had been jailed, who had received the comfort, relief, reassurance and materials she needed to carry on, asked, ‘Is this an Agency?’  After an affirmative reply, she said ‘This ain’t like no Agency I ever been to before.’”

    Rosemary had many sayings that she drummed into everyone.  Some of her favorites were:

    “You can if you plan.”

    “The helping hand is at the end of your arm.”

    “Poverty is a trap”

    “No one likes to be on welfare.  It represents existing, not living.”

    “Rich or poor we are all alike…good, bad and indifferent.”

    “Unite people for strength and marvel at the result.”

    “Share visibly and give invisibly.”

    “Poor people are forever being humiliated by the questions they have to answer as clients of public agencies so Friends Outside NEVER ask questions unless it is necessary.”

    Man’s greatest reward is seeing people happier for the efforts he makes on their behalf.”

    Expansion of Friends Outside around California
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    Rosemary had thoughts of expansion from the early days.  The April 1960 newsletter asks, “Did you see an article in the Palo Alto Times last week entitled ‘Little Misdeeds Into Big Crimes Grow’?  In this, the chief Adult Probation Officer wished there was a private agency, not connected with the State or the Correctional department, to work with prisoners in San Mateo County.”  In fact, Rosemary’s first expansion was into the neighboring county of San Mateo in 1962 under the direction of Mrs. Nelson Bogart of Atherton with two volunteers visiting the women prisoners in their County Jail.  “Friends Outside was invited to start by the Sheriff and the Probation Department, and the volunteers have been warmly welcomed by the matrons who work in the Women’s Section”, notes the March 1962 newsletter.  In 1966 the Sheriff’s Department provide an office and phone in the basement of the old courthouse in Redwood City (Palo Times 2-23-66) and Rosemary received a grant from the San Francisco Foundation to pay a Director’s salary for one year and Mike Seymour, a long time volunteer, was hired.  Unfortunately insufficient funds had been raised by the end of the year to pay the Director for the following year and so the chapter failed.  When Rosemary decided again in 1968 to spread the philosophy of Friends Outside around the State of California, this time she decided to do it differently: with volunteers.  In fact no salaries were to be allowed until certain minimum goals had been met (Friends Outside in California, 1954-1972).

    Rosemary’s method of starting up a chapter was very straightforward.  She would phone a leading Methodist or Presbyterian minister in that area and instruct him to get the leading ladies in the churches in his area to a meeting.  She would give her pitch, all the time trying to make eye contact, not an easy job considering the subject.  As her talk proceeded, she would zero in on a few, usually ending up with only one.  She would announce that this lady would become “Mrs. Friends Outside” in that county and then leave town.  She had an uncanny instinct and in a short time had gathered an extraordinary group of women, pioneers and leaders in their own right.  They included:

    Mary Ella Sevier in Monterey in 1969;

    Louise Enberg in San Francisco in 1969;

    Dottie Fibush in Contra Costa County in 1969;

    Elizabeth Wilson in Riverside in 1969;

    Ethel Adams in Kern County in 1970,

    Jean Panzer in Sacramento in 1970;

    Doris Scanlon in Stanislaus County in 1971 (Doris Scanlon was involved from the start becoming Executive Director in 1975);

    Mayfred Lucas in Solano County in 1972;

    Martha Jane Dowds in Los Angeles County centered in Burbank.  (A chapter had started in Pomona in 1969 but did not survive.) 

    These extraordinary women would grow their chapters in their counties with little or no assistance.  Rosemary also had great assistance in Southern California from Dorothy Reider who went on the payroll in 1971, providing direct services and office responsibilities. In 1971, it was felt necessary that the new statewide organization be formalized and that it should assume the legal responsibility for the name Friends Outside from the chapter in Santa Clara County.  There was some feeling among the chapter Board of Directors that, because of the negativity surrounding anything to do with jails and prisons, it was not worth risking the good name of Friends Outside in Santa Clara County in case another chapter ever did something negative.  The majority of the Board, however, felt that the spread of the name would increase the organization’s influence and outweigh any possible negative situations.  Thus the charter of the name of Friends Outside was transferred to a new Board set up by Rosemary, and the Santa Clara chapter incorporated as “Friends Outside in Santa Clara County, Inc.”.

    In the October 1971 newsletter Rosemary wrote: “Friends Outside in California has 14 chapters, some firmly attached, some hanging by their eyelashes.  …… Closer to home, I am desperate for a part-time secretary.  I would like to have someone who knows Friends Outside.  I have the State Office in my home ….( Pat Standring went on the payroll as Rosemary’s secretary in July, 1972, at $100 per month.)  For you who remember Ann Horvitz (who moved to Washington, D.C., in 1967), you will not be surprised to hear her volunteers have a great program in the Washington, D.C., jail.”

    Prison Representative Program
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    How did Rosemary get permission to put a full time Friends Outside employee inside a California prison to be a liaison between the inmate and his family?  At that time, no non-Department of Corrections employee had ever been allowed to work fulltime in an office inside any prison in California.  It must be remembered that, in the 60’s and early 70’s, California had a very progressive Department of Corrections that was looked to for leadership not only by the rest of the States, but also by Canada and many other countries.  It had introduced the Family Visiting program (conjugal visits).  Rosemary was supplying condoms, surreptitiously, as she felt that unwanted pregnancies should be avoided.  Playing up on her “little old lady in tennis shoes” routine, Rosemary persuaded the Director of the Department of Corrections, Raymond Procunier, to allow the experiment if she could also persuade a prison superintendent.  Perhaps he was expecting that no prison would allow it.  Soledad, however, had seen the good work of the Friends Outside Child Care project, so the Superintendent approved the proposal.

    Rosemary felt that two years was long enough for anyone to work inside a prison, so whoever was chosen was required to give Friends Outside a two year commitment.  It also helped that conscientious objectors were allowed to perform alternate service if they agreed to work with a non-profit organization “devoted to the public good” for 2 years.  This had provided the Santa Clara County chapter with a group of young, dedicated employees during the Vietnam War.  Paul Farley, a conscientious objector, was chosen to start work in 1971 in the prison after training in the Santa Clara County jail with the chapter. 

    In 1972 Rosemary obtained funding for a second prison and chose the prison at Tehachapi principally because its superintendent, Jerry Enomoto, had been a deputy superintendent at Soledad, had seen what Friends Outside had done there, and was a strong supporter.  Years later, after he had retired as Director of the Department of Corrections, he would serve as the President of the state Friends Outside Board of Directors.  Zack Miller, another C. O., was a recent Stanford graduate and budding musician and he became the first Prison Representative there.  Friends Outside was in the process of adding its third Prison Representative when Rosemary died.  She had chosen the California Medical Facility at Vacaville because it was the Reception Center for Northern California.

    In Memory
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    Rosemary died on November 16, 1973. At her request a memorial service was held at the Elmwood Rehabilitation Center in Milpitas on November 21, 1973 and was attended by about 400 people.

    Rosemary had received many awards over the years including the annual achievement award from the California Social Workers organization in 1965, a special award from the California Probation, Parole and Correctional Association in 1969 and the Phoebe Apperson Hearst award by the San Francisco Examiner in 1972 naming her as one of the “Bay Area’s Most Distinguished Ten”. But the award that meant the most to her was the watch she wore on a chain around her neck, which was given to her by the Mothers’ clubs. It was inscribed “In greatful appreciation”. The club member who bought the watch had argued with the jeweler that she did not want the spelling to be “grateful”!

    She affected many people very profoundly whether you met her once , like Gretchen Newby, or had known or worked with her for a long time.  Her influence can be summed up in the following words of a prisoner’s wife:

    “It is almost impossible for me to share what the influence of Rosemary did in my life.  I owe her far more than I can ever repay.  She changed my life because she cared.  I am where, and what I am today, because of her.  She gave me courage, built up my morale, and inspired self-confidence in me for more years than I care to count.  She encouraged me to build a new life for myself and for my children.  She provided clothes so I could go to work, clothes so the children would have decent apparel.  And if I knew of anyone who had a need, be it clothes, food, whatever, I knew Rosemary would come flying to the rescue.  She was the most generous person I have ever known.  She listened to my problems, my heartaches, my woes.  She advised me when I asked for it and bawled me out when I blundered.  She was harsh, loving, concerned, and I cared deeply for her. Because of her and only because of her, I was able to get off welfare and completely support myself and my children.  She remembered us at Christmas time and all year around.  She was my friend.  She was the port in many of life's storms, the angel of mercy in times of deepest distress.  She saw to it that I got out of my shell of self-pity and despair.  Because of her, I got back pride, my self-respect, and a will to go on living.  In my heart and in my eyes, there is no tribute big enough to honor her and all that she did.  I can only continue to live my life as she thought I could and establish those goals she set.  I'm going to miss her terribly and I shall never forget her.”

    A friend, Karen Gundrum, wrote the following words that sum up the feelings held by many people:  “Funny lady.  I see you still – hunched over your knitting needles – hands never still, mind racing.  A queen with her sweater elbow gone.  In my memory forever the impatient words ‘How do you know you can’t until you try?’  spoken to me when I told you once I couldn’t.  I only said that once to you.  The contempt in your eyes said ‘Don’t waste my time with your can’ts and don’t waste your own.’

    “She was a cross between Mary Poppins and the wrath of God.  She could work magic, wreak havoc – if you don’t believe me you didn’t know her.  She could make a lamp for a doll house for a child and talk law with a Superior Court Judge.  She was a great story teller, keeping me enraptured for hours with her theories on child rearing and her philosophies of life.”

    Carolyn Holt writes of her most striking memory of the early years “…is of the truly marvelous way that problems were solved.  The frantic phone call would come in to the office and, miraculously, sometimes in an hour or two, would come another phone call or a visitor to donate just exactly what was needed.  I have never ceased to marvel at this continuous miracle.  Rosemary was always so confident that the answer would come to hand.  I have never known anyone who gave more wholehearted dedication to a good cause than she.

    I was so lucky to have her as a friend.  She was a major impact on my life and she is still often in my thoughts.”  And still in the thoughts of many others 30 years after her death.

    To Jane Sousa, “Rosemary influenced me more than anyone else in my life.  Our two children, Toni and Hank, adored her.  We even took in a dog she was trying to place.  The dog was a disaster but Rosemary was the number one con artist.”

    Mel Hawley told Marguerite Szekely in her 1987 interview, “She was an unbelievable person.  If she were a good Catholic I’d get her canonized because she was so absolutely down to earth, absolutely practical, and economically she was always hanging on the edge of starvation herself.” 

    Her memorial service is beautifully described by Jeanette Rust as follows:

    “Wednesday morning, November 21, 1973, a sorrowing crowd filed into the county ‘farm’ auditorium, which stands between the walls of the men’s jail and the building for women prisoners.  Rosemary had had a profound influence upon the lives of each – the representatives of officialdom, the volunteer workers, and the prisoner families.

    There was no eulogy, no verbal review of the 69 years of the life of Rosemary’s life.  There was no sentimental music.  In the relaxed and friendly quiet, a young man gently strummed a guitar.  Then, following Rosemary’s request, the complete Sermon on the Mount was read.  The singing of “We’re all in God’s hands”, accompanied by the guitar, closed the service.  Friends and acquaintances greeted each other and talked over a cup of coffee and a cookie.

    That was all.  Speeches and talk about Rosemary would have been absurd and irrelevant.  For eighteen years it was she who had done the talking.  It was her persistent, non-stop, pungent, thoughtful, humorous, indefatigable, dedicated talk that built Friends Outside.  She gradually turned bureaucratic indifference and resistance into cooperation; she shamed and inspired church people into good works; she galvanized scores of volunteers into creative action; she gave hope and respect to prisoners and their families.”

    The November 20, 1973, editorial in the Palo Alto Times quoted a letter she had written them just after the Watts riot.  “‘Let us – and it doesn’t take college degrees to know how to- sit down and talk over problems.  It just takes people physically, emotionally and let’s hope spiritually frightened enough to know that all the police, guns and gas solve nothing.  Each of us has a short time to live.  Let us leave this country a better place for our efforts, in exchange for the wonderful gift of life itself …’

    “Rosemary Goodenough’s short time ran out last Friday, and she did indeed leave this country a better place.”

    From the December, 1973, Friends Outside’s State Office newsletter; “Rosemary lived her philosophy and in doing so she attracted people who really care about other people.  We have a covenant with Rosemary to help people help themselves.  Her time was short and so is ours.”

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