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1954-1972 (incorporated as a non-profit organization in California) I. History.......................................................1 II. Philosophy...................................................2 A. Prisoners in Jail..........................................4 B. Prisoners' Wives...........................................6 C. Prisoners' Children........................................7 III. Policies for Friends Outside Programs......................9 A. Jail Visiting..............................................9 B. Women Prisoners............................................11 C. Visiting New Families......................................12 D. Friendly Mothers' Clubs.......................................13 E. Youth Programs................................................15 F. Rules for New Chapters and Policies for New Directors.........17 Parent Chapter Friends Outside in California Friends Outside in Santa Clara County 1041 Mundel Court 712 Elm Street Los Altos, California San Jose, California 95126 415-948-3235 408-295-6033HISTORY OF FRIENDS OUTSIDE This organization was started in 1954 in Santa.Clara County, when two women encouraged by a progressive-minded sheriff went to see what happened to the families of men arrested.....financially unable to make bail, and sentenced to the County Jail or to State Prison. They found the perpetuating pattern of crime in these families was shocking and the unmet needs of women left to face poverty, humiliation, and bringing up children alone so many that more volunteers were recruited to help as the number of-prisoners' families increased. It soon became evident that the services offered did nothing permanent until groups of prisoners' wives were brought together to discuss their problems and share much needed recreation and socialibility in a club situation. The core of the organization lies in the formation of clubs for prisoners' wives. Here, women with no social outlets can meet for recreation, to develop all kinds of skills and to become aware of the needs of others. By uniting for strength, they get courage to participate in community living and learn how to take advantage of the existing resources to help their children. change in individuals in unbelievable. As a proof of the confidence the organization has built up in prisoners’ families, the men on their return from incarceration come in to meet the staff (ex-volunteers who come to work on a full-time basis) and many become Friends Outside themselves. Some sit on the Board of Directors. Friends Outside not only has the confidence of prisoners, but also works closely and in cooperation with all the professional agencies. Since it gives material assistance only in emergencies, it does not overlap or give help “instead of welfare”. Volunteers have been allowed by the Sheriff of Santa Clara County to visit men in jail who were worried about their families and to take projects into the Women's Detention since 1956. Now in 1971, the organization has statewide incorporation, has chapters in thirteen counties and projects in three state prisons. won the confidence of the Department of Corrections, and hopes to expand into every county in the state. PHILOSOPHY OF FRIENDS OUTSIDE Over the years we have found out many truths which confound some preconceived notions about people who live on the other side of the "financial divide of America.. 1. Poverty is a trap. 2. No one likes to be on welfare. It represents existing, not living. And it is degrading. 3. Rich or poor we are all alike . . . good, bad and indifferent. 4. Basically our problems are the same but the more fortunate have compensations such as hobbies and a social life to fill gaps in their lives and can pay for professional help if necessary. 5. Go and, find out for yourself what unfulfilled lives poor women live; they have undeveloped potential as artists, musicians, leaders, or other talents. 6. Find out for yourself what professional help is within the reach of the poor, and how well hidden it is ……so not to be used or abused. 7. Unite people for strength and marvel at the result. HOW DO FRIENDS OUTSIDE FULFILL NEEDS WITHOUT ADDING TO PEOPLE'S HUMILIATION? BY INDIRECT GIVING . . . through the organization we ask for clothes, furniture, bedding etc. We turn our new friends into volunteers themselves who unpack, sort, throw out what they do not feel good enough and generally look after the clothing closet. The day they come as volunteers they do not take anything, but days are arranged so everyone can come and take what they need. As they become FRIENDS OUTSIDE volunteers, they make the best visitors to new families. Collect GOOD USED CLOTHING (never give poor things to poor people, they have plenty at home) and let them choose what they need. This prevents the humiliation of having to accept and appear grateful for something you would rather die than wear! If it is your coat she chooses, feel good inside that she does not know. You have saved yourself the embarrassment of being thanked. You have preserved your friendship! Except for food, we NEVER GIVE ANYTHING PERSONALLY to any of our new friends. Friendship cannot last when there is a giver and a receiver. When you are financially poor you feel you have nothing to give in return …so you burn in humiliation. Therefore we SHARE VISIBLY and GIVE INVISIBLY. If you share your car, your time and yourself all impossible …all impossible to give away, your new friend will not be overwhelmed, but be able to communicate. If you cannot resist being Lady Bountiful and give her all your surplus, you are no true Friend Outside. Treat your new friends with the courtesy you would treat a new family on your block. Be interested, not inquisitive. Introduce yourself by your first name and ask if you may use theirs. STANDARDS Because we lucky people are so remote from the poor we do not always see the absurdity of judging them by our standards. FOOD - We are physically what we eat. We have a wide choice and should know a good from a bad diet. The poor eat "filling food." Meat, milk, and vegetables are costly. Through lack of education they also buy things which we know constitute bad food. OUR THINKING - can be the result of our experiences but is often the result of our upbringing and education. We must expect a difference. OUR BEHAVIOR, MORALS AND APPEARANCE are based very much on what is expected of us in the social-economic bracket to which we belong. Here again we must free ourselves from judging others by our standards. THE POOR ARE AT THE MERCY OF THE PUBLIC AGENCIES - Like all of us, people who work for agencies are good, bad or indifferent. We know as little about them and the rules under which they work as we know about the poor. The more we know the rules the better able we are to help. When we intercede between a client and an agency we must really know at least some of the rules of the agency and all the facts of the client's case. Poor people are forever being humiliated by the questions they have to answer as clients of public agencies. Friends Outside NEVER asks questions unless it is necessary. When our new friends want our help in a case of injustice, then we have to explain we must know the truth or we will be useless to them. If your family walks out on you, do not mind. They were not ready for change. These cases are in the minority. The stories you will hear will make your face red with shame for the treatment people get just because they are poor and have no one to go to bat for them. YOU, AS A VOLUNTEER 1. Make your own limits and stick to them. 2. If you give your phone number to some poor frightened young mother, tell her the best time to call. 3. We never cease to marvel how considerate our new friends are. 4. It is more important to stay a volunteer by using good judgment than to become so hopelessly involved you have to quit. LASTLY, when you start knowing the unmet needs of the poor it is overwhelming. Just don't be overcome. Do what you can; remember you are not the Bank of America, Sears Roebuck, and certainly not GOD. Caring matters most, righteous indignation is very effective and gentle persuasion is very penetrating. PRISONERS IN JAIL (There are few rich men in jail . . . they are out on bail) Volunteers have found, by becoming acquainted with poor men who are arrested and have to remain in jail because they financially cannot make bail: 1. They lose their job, if employed. 2. Their families have to go on welfare. 3. They never see their wives alone until they finally come home after a jail or prison sentence (maybe after years). All letters are censored. 4. By being incarcerated, they virtually cannot help their families to plan for a future without them.. This planning may include selling the house, etc., possibly moving . . . maybe to be near him in prison. But no prisoner knows to what prison he will be sent, or how long he will be in the same prison. 5. If he has a Public Defender or court appointed attorney to prepare his defense, the hours it takes to investigate, in term of money, put the poor man at a shocking disadvantage. The District Attorney has all the law enforcement machinery to prepare the prosecution. Many poor men commit crimes under unbelievable pressures from: marital problems; racial harassment; harassment from collection agencies; sheer despair caused by limited earning ability; social problems of poor housing, unrelieved pain, etc; inability to meet the high cost of insurance; car repairs, rents and utilities. Too often the punishment of crime is in fact the punishment of poverty. STATE PRISONERS AS FAMILY MEN 1. To have a husband and the father of one's children serving a prison sentence is a handicap so great, one marvels at the survival of any such family, let alone such a marriage. The fear in which the family lives and the hostility they suffer in unbelievable. 2. To have a father whom one cannot talk about, certainly not boast about, and who appears to be the cause of the shadow under which the family lives, causes burning resentment in children as they get older. Too many children begin to hate their fathers and this hatred perpetuates the criminal pattern. 3. To visit.a father in prison who does not know anything about your friends, your school, or your daily life is a complete loss after the first five minutes. He cannot play with you, cannot treat you to the goodies displayed in the vending machines …. what kind of a father is this? 4. Men serving sentences are virtually useless in a man's most important capacity as head of a household. Their sense of responsibility may be little, in which case it dies a natural death; if it is great, it is stifled by the sheer impossibility of practicing it. 5. Our system literally destroys the father's role in a married prisoner's life. He is out of communication when he is most needed - through a crisis. BUT ONE DAY HE COMES HOME 1. His return reactivates the curiosity and often the hostility of the neighbors to the family. 2. He may have left pre--school children and returns to teenagers. 3. Both husband and wife may be very different people since they last saw each other alone. 4. He has become institutionalized and is very insecure in his freedom and alienated to the society around him. She has had to manage the family alone and sometimes she has become the breadwinner. 5. How the few ex-convicts survive and pick up their broken lives makes Friends Outside look upon them as heroes. 6. The least important part of any prisoner's life is the past if he can forgive himself and is accepted as having paid his debt to society by his peers. HOW CAN HIS SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY BE NOURISHED DURING HIS INCARCERATION so that his role as head of a household can be reinstated? Friends Outside hopes by bringing this picture to the Department of Corrections with a concrete and acceptable idea of how to establish a line of communication between the prisoner and “his family in trouble" we are breaking down the system of treating all prisoners alike. We are meeting the needs of individual men who are potentially most likely to become self supporting members of society through love for their family. B. PRISONERS WIVES Because Friends Outside appears to be the only organization in California which is devoted to the families of prisoners, I believe it may be useful to present them as we, concerned members of the community, see them. The majority are on welfare and represent both financially and psychologically the poorest segment of our society. As families visiting inmate husbands and fathers, they are dressed in their best, but we see them often at their lowest ebb. The woman who has a husband in prison has no social status. She and her children stand alone against a world hostile to convicts, and because men are so brutalized and humiliated by punishment, the world is even more hostile to ex-convicts. As a result of being financially crippled and emotionally drained she either gives her children overprotective love, or takes out on them her feelings of misery and frustration. She either tells them not to tell anyone where their father is, or gets deeper and deeper into a fabrication of lies. Both result in children so disturbed that they fail in school and soon become clients of Juvenile Authorities. However, when she is helped to live with her problems by other women going through the same particular hell and she finds acceptance in the community, she often develops unbelievable strengths. she becomes happier so she is able to be a better mother and to take advantage of community resources. But she is still the wife of a man in prison. Many of the wives we know are loyal and in love with their husbands. To visit him in prison is like having an operation without an anesthetic. Added to the intolerable sexual frustration is the humiliation of never seeing him alone. The visits, which consist of sitting at a table together for five hours with guards constantly on duty, often end disastrously because of the tension. We know too, the misery, rage, and despair the wives and children suffer on the journey home. It is then that the fears of the future and doubts whether these visits are worth the financial sacrifices that have to be made take hold, and the wife begins to dread, as well as to hope, for a letter written by a man equally upset by the visit. Can there be a future between two people who have to suffer such torture, often for years? In a very real sense the determination of these men and women to have a future together keeps these marriages intact. Anything we as individuals can do professionally or as friends to strengthen this determination results in a man having a home to go home to, his children having a father and the woman having the satisfaction that the visits were not in vain. Friends Outside would never have earned the respect of the public agencies if we were not completely realistic. But we have an advantage in seeing prisoners as people. It is not our business what a man has done, our business is to try to soften the punishment for his family. We see him as an absent husband and father, and as far as we are concerned the sooner he is back the better, if he is loved and wanted. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. The husbands of women who have become Friends Outside come home to a family who have had good experiences - many of them become Friends Outside themselves. These are the men who stay outside. PRISONER'S CHILDREN For the past 15 years, concerned members of the community have been working as volunteers with the families of men incarcerated in the Santa Clara County Jail or in State and Federal prisons. Statistically the children of those families arc the most potentially delinquent in the county and we have found: 1. At least 75% of these families are Mexican American and many of the Caucasian families are second generation welfare. 2. Most families are without any church or "social" affiliations. 3. The children are mostly undernourished, badly clothed and live in grossly substandard housing. Many have dental and medical needs. 4. School incentive is at a minimum. Many of the parents have had a very limited or non-existent formal education. Often mother's time is so taken up with feeding, clothing and existing, that she is unable to feel part of her children's school life. As the children enter school, behavior problems may be related to the lack of learning ability. Most often the only contact with more successful people comes from the social worker visiting 60 or more similar families, the teacher who has 20-30 similar pupils or unfortunately a probation officer who likewise has a large caseload. 5. The entire family often lives in fear of police, landlord, social worker, neighbors, and probation department. Parents are quite unable to go to the defense of these children so that too young they feel inferior, defensive and distrustful. 6. Recreationally the children have little to look forward to. Although public recreation seems low cost, it is generally out of their reach. Welfare children are budgeted $0.75 a month for recreation and swimming is $0.25 a day. This is the background of not only prisoner's children on Aid to Families with Dependent Children, but represents the pattern of too many children in the low economic group. Prisoner's children, however, have the unbearable handicap of having a so-called "bad dad in prison" and too often a very emotionally disturbed mother. WHAT IS FRIENDS OUTSIDE IN SANTA CLARA COUNTY, AS AN ORGANIZATION, DOING FOR THESE CHILDREN? 1. NURSERY SCHOOL In conjunction with weekly Mothers' Club Meetings, the pre-school children are given a nursery school experience. These are the children who may never have to relate to strangers until they go to kindergarten and can neither understand nor speak English. 2. TUTORING When even pencils and paper are out of reach, it is apparent that good grades are also. Tutoring help is constantly requested by our mothers. So, college students are recruited from local campuses to bring encouragement and help to the children in their homes. The mother is always invited to take an active part in the session, and the tutor becomes a real family friend. 3. THE BIG BROTHER AND SISTER PROGRAM This program is based on friendship and acceptance. A young adult volunteers a minimum of five to six hours a week to a little brother or sister.. The effectiveness of this one-to-one relationship is hard to beat. 4. VACATION FUN a. DAY CAMPS for children (6-11) are run one day a week all through the summer vacation. Swimming is stressed, and many campers learn in private, pools. Then counselors recruited from the schools soon grow long term friendships with the children and return year after year. Throughout the school year the Day Camps meet one Saturday each month. b. FIELD TRIPS once a month pick up the Day Camp graduates. College people take them to public parks, places of interest, sometimes to an industrial plant. They try to introduce them to free recreational sources in the area c. OVERNIGHT CAMPING. Three weekend camping trips are scheduled for every month of the year. They are used as;(l) an emotion release valve for the young people we are already seeing, (2) an opportunity for a group of big and little brothers to get togetherland to train "our" young people as future counselors. d. CAMPERSHIPS for boys and girls 9-14 who want to go to camp for a week or more are given by many individuals and clubs. e. FAMILY.CAMP is perhaps the greatest event in our Friends Outside Chapter in the year, when 15-20 mothers with children 3-11 spend a week in camp together with an all-volunteer staff. PARENT PARTICIPATION All Friends Outside youth programs have developed from the needs expressed by the mothers. As an outsider, we cannot tell anyone what they need, but we try to fulfill the needs they express. If this idea is not upheld, the "do-gooder" trap is inevitable. Although acting innocently, a "do-gooder" can do immeasurable harm. Pride is often the only thing a family has left. We can never be too careful in insuring its stability. III POLICIES A. Jail Visiting There can be no "official policy" governing inter-human relations, but there is an attitude developed through dedication, understanding, and involvement which always ends up seeking the best in people. Unfortunately, jail deprives humans of everything which gives them pride and dignity and naturally they become embittered against society. An inmate's emotions over-exaggerate his predicament. He tends to seek retribution for his imprisonment and often hurts those trying to help. Therefore, a few basic rules may help to avoid unpleasantries. 1. Never agree to cosign checks. 2. Find out all the whys before contacting parole or probation departments or Public Defender. 3. Never carry anything in or out of the jail for anyone. Avoid being used as much as possible. The con man helps no one, especially himself. 4. The trustee position is the most abused job in the jail. They manipulate and subjugate all the other prisoners. We must work with these people and not FOR them. 5. Extend as much courtesy to the deputies on duty as possible. At times they will ignore and resent you but even they don't understand why. You'll be an anomaly in the jail, the only person there because he wants to be. They'll find this hard to understand at first, but gradually they come around and accept us. It's a dull job looking after prisoners. 6. Think with your heart and act with your head and you'll avoid most major problems. Always feel free to approach the Commander of the facility with any difficulties and you'll be pleasantly surprised at the amount of co-operation he will extend. Remember, we are not crusading for immediate penal reform, and often situations will arise which frustrate the volunteers beyond endurance. But perseverance and an easy going good nature weather the thickest bars both in jails and in men's hearts. GENERAL PROCEDURES in the Santa Clara County Jail (it will be different in other jails); Through the co-operation of the Sheriff's department, authorized and selected representatives of Friends Outside go into the county jail three days a week and visit any man who is concerned about his family's welfare or is having difficulties handling his personal problems on the outside. 1. Inmates request to see the Friends Outside representative by signing a list which is circulated through the jail prior to the visitor's arrival. The duty of collecting this list usually falls to one of the inmates who is working as a trustee. When the visitor arrives, she picks this list up, presents it to the desk officer on the various floors, and they in turn release the men one at a time for her to see. 2. A loose-leaf binder is left at the facility as a permanent record of who was seen by whom and when. This information is entered by the visitors. 3. The jail visitor carries a personal notebook in which she can record pertinent information from her interview and which should contain at least the following: calendar, phone numbers and addresses of the Public Defender, parole, probation, drug abuse clinics, Post Office, legal aid, half-way houses, and the selective service, plus extra paper. 4. The visit will usually take place in one of the small interview rooms provided. The representative identifies herself and gives a brief explanation of the services she has at her disposal. She should never volunteer legal advice. If a question arises which she cannot answer, then she should consult with either one of the other jail visitors or with the facility Commander. If a man wants his family contacted then all information relating to family (wife's name, phone address, and condition) should be given the Family Service director in the Friends Outside office and she will send a woman volunteer out to see the family. 5. We cannot write letters recommending modification in a case without all the facts. An inmate’s story should be substantiated through his legal counsel and through his parole or probation agent. 6. No visit should be concluded until some resolution has been reached. No one should be left with the feeling that there is nothing which can be done for him. 7. Any follow-up work should be jotted down on a post-card and sent bank to the person making the request as soon as possible. This responsibility is easily overlooked but is extremely important to the man in jail awaiting word about his family or any other business undertaken by the volunteer. Often procedural difficulties arise which seem trivial to the visitor. However, one must remember that the main concern of the jail is with security and reason (albeit obscure) motivates most policy. We are looking for change through co-operation and not confrontation. Only by working with the inmate, the Sheriff's department, and the resources available in the community can a jail program be successful. WOMEN PRISONERS Friends Outside volunteers will be able to win the confidence and friendship of the Sheriff's matron and her staff of deputies by: 1. Being on time when they are scheduled to visit the Women's Detention. 2. To strictly keep all the rules made when the project was set up. 3. Never carry anything in or out of the jail for anyone except for your project. 4. Never to undermine the authority of the staff by word or deed. Women in detention fall into several categories. Those who are victims of every social ill - poverty, early delinquency, lack of sex education and birth control information, neglected health, etc. Then we have the victims of drug abuse who have come from a wide variety of backgrounds and a few professional women who somewhere along life’s way have lost all that makes life worth living - husband, home, sometimes children - often through alcoholism. They are generally sentenced for passing bad checks, and in the jail situation often can be lovely human beings beneath all the hostility and remorse and fear which they have to live with in the outside world. Friends Outside volunteers go into a women's detention to offer a little fun and a brief release from boredom by taking in craft material. We take in love, not judgment. We take in interest, not inquisitiveness. We leave, hopefully, making those left behind looking forward to seeing us again. It has been found very difficult to successfully find out how the children of women prisoners are faring. These children are either in foster homes placed by social workers or looked after by relatives and/or friends. So there is a triangle of women. We are in the middle, and if we go out to find how the children who are being cared for by another woman are, it looks like snooping, no matter how careful we are in our approach! Then if we report back the children are fine, the mother is glad, but cannot help feeling jealous. And of course to report that they are not fine is cruel, since the mother is unable to do anything about it. But there are exceptions when a wise volunteer will recognize a real need to find out what is happening to a child. In the case of a child who has a social worker, talk to her as two people who want to give the mother peace of mind, and find out when she last saw the child. The disappointing part of working in the Women‘s Detention is how few lasting friendships are made. Once a woman is released, she generally disappears and when one thinks about it, one cannot be surprised. It is very hard for society to accept a man ex-convict and a woman suffers all the social stigma plus her own feelings about herself. But friendships have been made - maybe you will be blessed by one. C. VISITING NEW FAMILIES BY VOLUNTEERS 1. Introduce yourself by saying, "I belong to an organization called Friends Outside. We go and see the families of men in jail who are worried about their families. Is there anything that I can do for you?" 2. LISTEN. Know that it is unlikely you will hear half the story on the first visit. Why anyone is in trouble with the law is not necessarily our business so we do not ask any questions. Do not promise anything except to relieve immediate distress, especially if it is hunger. Try to find something nice to say, no one likes to be criticized especially when everything is at its worst. Work at finding people’s good points. 3. In order to help a family immediately or in the future, we should have on a file card: a. First and last name of husband and wife. b. How long a resident - in State or County c. Are they receiving or applied for welfare? d. Name of social worker if on welfare or name of any other agency worker involved with the family. e. Names and birthdates of children 4. USE OF FRIENDS OUTSIDE FUNDS: We never give money “instead of Welfare”. Our funds are used only to tide a family over in an emergency. Theoretically, we do not give help to clients established on welfare, in practice we may do it if there seems to be an emergency but only after consultation with the Social Worker. There may be good reasons why a welfare client is in need since any unexpected expense is a financial disaster. We seldom make loans. It just adds guilt to the honest and means little or nothing to the wishful thinker. Say to the proud “When you are back on your feet there will always be families you can help us with". NEVER GIVE FRIENDS OUTSIDE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. Give help through the organization, 5. Check back with these answers to the Friend Outside who called you on the case, or to the office, and if you and she feel that food orders or cash is needed, she or the office will arrange with you how to got it to the families. Do not leave cases "hanging" on loose ends. 6. Our role is supportive, complementing what the Welfare cannot do. We offer unconditional friendship, transportation, sometimes furniture, good used clothing, birth control information, recreation in the Clubs. 7. We cannot help a case for which there is no solution in sight. Our funds could not support even one case over a period of time. We have found that there is always some other way out, although not necessarily one that we or our clients like. 8. We know the resources of the County and help our clients to use them. For example, in cases of medical need, the Health Nurses are wonderful. There are usually school nurses too. Call the school attended by children in the family and discuss the family with the nurse, who will then visit. D. FRIENDLY MOTHERS' CLUB (so named by the members) THE PURPOSE A FRIENDLY MOTHERS' CLUB is to bring together women regardless of race, creed and education, who are seeking friendship and recreation for themselves and greater opportunities for their children. THE POLICY OF A FRIENDLY MOTHERS' CLUB will be to offer a program by which the members can enrich their own lives by developing skills, enrich the lives of their children by knowing the resources of the community and taking advantage of all plans which will encourage they to stay in school, and become aware of the problems of others and participate in local activities as informed citizens. RULES 1. Each club operates as an individual unit under the "indirect control" from the sponsoring organization (Friends Outside) until such time as a separate Board of Directors if formed. 2. Friendly Mothers' Clubs were started to serve the needs of women who through force of circumstances are not able to spend money on recreation. Therefore the clubs will need underwriting. Members who otherwise could not get to meetings will need transportation. 3. Friendly Mothers' Clubs must be run by members with advisors, rather than leaders, from the sponsoring organization. Therefore as soon as membership permits, officers (President, Vice-President, Secretary, and Treasurer) should be elected. It is advisable to allow as many of the members as possible to share the responsibility for the continuance and good standing of the club. So elections should be held once a year. 4. The Executive Committee will be responsible for: a. Deciding on procedure, program and projects. b. Use of Club funds. These should be in checking account and disbursed by check signed by both a member treasurer and an advisor treasurer. E. Keeping accurate and complete minutes of all meetings. In the event of the absence of the secretary, another member must be appointed to keep minutes. 5. As the different clubs get established, members will want to make them as self-supporting as possible. But no woman should be prevented from joining, or participating in ANY club activity owing to lack of funds. 6. Member initiation should be scheduled periodically throughout the year. Non-members should be invited to attend meetings and participate in activities as "visitors" until they can be initiated as full members, when the Purpose, Policy and Rules of the Club should be read. All members should have a membership card. 7. While mothers meet, their pre-school children must be provided with a nursery school experience. Members will not be satisfied with just babysitting. 8. In looking for a facility for a new club, it is necessary to find suitable and safe accommodations, with outside play area in which a nursery school can operate. 9. Each club will make its own by-laws as necessary, which include limiting membership to its nursery school capacity. E. YOUTH PROGRAMS Policies Friends Outside of Santa Clara County has been organizing activities for the children of mothers attending "club" for the past eight years. This may help you benefit from our experiences. All Friends Outside Youth Programs have originated and rightfully should at the suggestion of "our mothers”. Friends Outside is an agency that works with people and not for them. Keeping this in mind, we can only aid with those needs and desires expressed by the families. An unwanted program is as good as dead even though we as outsiders think it is needed. In establishing any youth program, after the need is realized, great consideration must be given to the parent(s). In no way should parental responsibility toward the children be disregarded by program or volunteers. The family unit must be encouraged to develop. Sign ups and permission slips are one very simple way to strengthen family ties. Through their use parents feel they do have indeed a say in the children's activities. Also, the children feel that the parent, rather than Friends Outside, has provided this opportunity for them. This holds firm regardless of the child's age or program. As youth activities fall naturally into summer and school year programs, a general "sign up" should take place previous to school ending in June and again in fall. While on the subject of respect for the family, volunteers should never expose the children to any philosophical views - religious, social or political - that might violate parents' beliefs. Youth Programs should offer friendship and fun. The children must not become a captive audience for evangelizing or propagandizing. If this happens, the volunteer must be asked to refrain from such practices or asked to leave. WHAT SORT OF VOLUNTEERS ARE NEEDED FOR YOUTH PROGRAMS? Youth programs offer a great range of opportunities for volunteers, (teen and over) Day Camp Staffs Teenagers are most effective as Day Camp counselors. With only a few years difference in age, friendships grow rapidly between camper and counselor. It must, however, be stressed to all teen volunteers that Day Camp is run for the children and not for their socializing. Grouping of teen counselors should be strongly discouraged at first signs. As a general rule, one of the counselors should become coordinator for the group. This provides for better communication as well as relieving the director of a bit of responsibility. A fun-loving, considerate and vital personality serves best as a Day Camp leader. A Day Camp director must be a statesman. She (or he) must have an awareness of group feelings rather than a knowledge of recreational activities. She must be able to work with adult drivers, teen counselors, and young campers. Above all she must have open arms. Tutoring A college community can offer a great source of manpower for use as tutors, big brothers and big sisters. These young people have to feel a special, commitment. Tutors spend one evening a week in the home of a family. The evening should be relaxed and joyful. Tutors must try to be cognizant of each child's needs as well as the mother's need for socializing. Tutors must not be judgmental or critical of the home environment. Tutors should have the initiative to follow up school activities for the family (attendance at meetings with teachers if mother so desires.) Big Brothers - Sisters Big Brothers and Sisters should share the same sort of qualities as tutors. However, friendship ties with the respective child should be the goal. This relationship should be acknowledged by both parties. There is room for every type of person in a fully developed youth program, as long as there is respect for the family as friends and not clients. PROVISIONAL CHAPTERS Rules Whenever chapters of Friends Outside are started, each will be on a provisional basis for one year, with two key volunteers; one, a Director, pro-tem and two, a Secretary-Treasurer, appointed by a member of the State Board. In the case of the Director Pro-Tem having to resign, no one can be appointed in her place except with the approval of a member of the State Board. No salaries or office rent space can be paid. No funds other than individual or local group donations can be solicited. At the end of the year Full Charter status may be granted if: 1. Prisoners' wives are participating in projects. 2. There is a newsletter mailing list of at least 100 interested persons 3. There are at least 50 people contributing $1.00 a month or more. 4. There is a local board composed of representatives of two or more public agencies, at least one attorney, the local Council of Churches, and several men and women of good standing in the community. POLICIES FOR NEW DIRECTORS 1. Start by being the ONLY Friend Outside to contact professional agencies (or individual workers in agencies), attorneys, etc. As you get to know your volunteers, you can teach them the approach which will not cause defensive reaction. 2. Attorneys are generally happy to give advice to keep people out of trouble or getting in deeper. But to ask one to take a client to court is like asking for a large sum of money, in relation to time. 3. Never make loans -- sure, it's a policy, not a rule of Friends Outside -- but loans either bring the borrower back for more, or you lost contact with potentially needful members of society through their sense of shame of owing money they cannot return. 4. Make a rule(!) not to let any volunteer who has to give up her volunteer job hand it over to a substitute and then tell you! Let her introduce a possible substitute and you offer her the job, if you want her! 5. The people we set up to work with are more important to Friends Outside then the possible hurt feelings of some woman who cannot accept our philosophy. |
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