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What we pay attention to the most is what we do not like or want. What we do pay attention to grows bigger and more powerful. That these two sentences are generalizations does not make them invalid. Their general truth is what often nudges people into therapy and thus makes it important for the therapist to be an orchestrator of where attention is being placed. In the introduction to the first book volume of this series, Adam tells the story of how the holy man cleverly redirected the attention of the businessman who was seeking supernatural powers for the wrong reasons by giving one simple directive after providing the instructions: "There is just one more thing. It's a little thing but very important.... Don't think about monkeys." Naturally, the businessman was driven monkey mad and thus could not attain his intent to prostitute sacred knowledge. Trying not to think about monkeys is to invoke preoccupation with them, inviting frustration because trying not to think about them does not make them go away. So we try harder not to think about them and the preoccupation and their power increases. Frustration turns into anger, and, if the anger turns inward toward ourselves, we become depressed. A little later we become depressed over being depressed. If the anger expresses itself outwardly toward others, we get aggressive, "oppositional," defiant. Now it is time to see a therapist, if we have not developed our own way of breaking out of this loop and stuck state. Of course, most of us have the inner personal resources to do that, but are at a loss how to access them; those of us that do not, such resources can be "installed" or learned. A good therapist will help the client in accessing or learning such resources of personal strength and creativity and resourcefulness. Some schools of therapy espouse mostly unchallenged presuppositions. One of them is reflected in the old joke, "How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?" Answer: "One, but the light bulb has to want to change." The presupposition is that resistance is a cause of therapeutic failure. Someone such as master hypnotherapist Milton Erickson would use a patient's resistance to walk him right into rapport. One anecdote has Erickson listening to a client's insistence that therapists were all crazy and none of them ever helped him, to which Erickson replied, "Then it's a good thing you came to see me!" Erickson related a story about a young boy on a farm trying to pull a mule into a coral, unsuccessfully of course. His father went behind the mule and started pulling on its tail and the mule went right into the coral. Sometimes one just has to know which direction to pull! One of my clients, who walked out on his two previous therapists, within fifteen minutes of sitting in my office for the first time gave me the challenge, "You'll never be able to figure me out! I'll give a million dollars to the first therapist to figure me out!" I replied, "I certainly agree with you. Furthermore, I don't want to know about any of the problems people say you have that brought you here." And I never asked and he kept his weekly appointments faithfully, trustfully disclosing and integrating what was necessary for his healing. "No pain, no gain" is a popular slogan in the body building world. This idea is physiologically debatable, as it is well established that repetitive workouts with small resistance's will result in faster muscle growth than working to max (or failure) with large resistance's. Another presupposition in some schools of therapy is the same notion, that change and pain must be associated. Both unconsciously and consciously, there often is the prevailing attitude that "real" change must be slow, gradual, and painful. However, the brain is designed to learn fast. If one would only read one page of this book per week, or watch only ten minutes of a two hour video per day, not only would the task take too long, but the book or movie would never be understood. The brain learns a phobia in two or three seconds, such as one toward spiders, which lasts a life time. Traditional therapies may take years to help a client unlearn it. A neurolinguistic approach can wipe out a phobia in less than ten minutes. It is incumbent upon counselors, teachers, mental health practitioners, to understand how the brain works, how the mind and emotions and body are interconnected, how psychotherapy can produce physical change in brain and body chemistry. Neurologist Oliver Sacks, who wrote the preface to our anthology of TS writings, "Don't Think About Monkeys" (1992), called Tourette syndrome a window into understanding the brain, and indeed, its interplay with the entire personhood of an individual. Education is also full of presuppositions. One is that confusion is bad and teachers are quick to address confusion and attempt to clear it up. However, confusion is a transition stage between one stuck state into a new vision. It is good to wallow around in it a while. Confusion is akin to shifting gears: the clutch (automatic or manual) must disengage the engine briefly, letting the forward motion coast, giving accelerated momentum if the vehicle can balance the disengagement of the clutch with the engagement of the engine. If the driver (or vehicle) is not good at that balance and timing, then the engine stalls, dies. A highly tuned vehicle runs through the gears quickly and smoothly, as highly tuned humans would. Those of us who stall out a lot due to bad genetics or environment best keep that clutch engaged a little longer for a more deliberate disengagement and coast a little longer... hang in there with that confusion, you are temporarily disengaged and ready to shift into a high gear! Another presupposition is that "trying" is good and noble. How many teachers give (and students expect) a "better" grade because they "tried?" The old lament, "At least I tried! (i.e. Give me some credit)" is heard and used so frequently. To succeed at trying is to succeed at failing. If I am on the bottom of a cliff and yell up to my belayer, "Ready to climb! Got me?" confirming my assurance that my life is protected should I peel off the rock, and the reply is, "I'll try my best!", then I will undo my belay line and find another way up. Trying isn't good enough. If I tell you I am going to try to start my car, I am giving you a message that my car has trouble. If I tell you I am trying to breathe, I am telling you that something is going wrong with my breathing. If I say I am trying to write, then I am not writing! Trying, in so many ways and places, means something is not going right, so failure is staring me in the face. "Well," says the politically/educationally correct teacher, "This composition is really "D" material, but I'll give you a "C" for trying." Students all over the country are getting As and Bs and Cs for trying in the name of encouragement and raising self esteem and fostering positive self image, but are achieving mediocrity. Raising self esteem before garnering achievement is backwards. Stop trying and achieve, and then your self esteem will climb. Our society certainly does not need a generation of people who possess mediocre skills and feel great about it! Related to that is the sickening, "Accept me for who I am" with the hidden message of, "If you don't, then feel guilty and ashamed." An overweight woman who smokes two packs of cigarettes a day goes to a therapist for relationship counseling with her boyfriend. "But if he loves me he should accept me as I am," she laments, victimizingly. The politically correct therapist may eye the boyfriend with the message, "Can't you respect her inner beauty and personhood? Dare you "judge" her on appearances?" Of course, that therapist would not say that, but would compassionately use a Rogerian strategy that may sound something like this: "You are not happy with the way your girlfriend is and you want her to be different." The boyfriend begins to squirm in his chair, feeling the heat coming. Ruling out metabolic and medical etiologies, what the woman needs to hear to jar her into growth and healing is, "You are expecting your boyfriend to accept your putting fatty, poisonous foods and substances into your body, your not honoring your body to exercise it and strengthen it, your laziness and lack of self discipline. And then you are expecting him to accept that or else feel guilt? Why expect or demand acceptance for who you are when you can be someone greater?" This interaction is based on an actual client encounter and the woman is now healthy, in good shape, and as a result (which came last, not first), has a tremendously elevated self-esteem and self valuing. We, all of us, need attention and energy. In James Redfield's wonderful book, "The Celestine Prophecy," (Warner Books, 1993) the avenues most people take for meeting that energy need are categorized in four ways: Intimidator; Interrogator; Aloof; Poor Me. The problem with all four is that they leech energy away from others who are targeted. Conflicts between individuals or between nations, doesn't matter the scale, is about gathering energy and power and ripping someone or some group off for it. Many experiences of the children and adults with the disorders written in this poignant and powerful on-line magazine will reflect one or more of these categories... For anyone with any organic or environmental deficit to use one or more of these energy seeking ways is to puncture a hole in someone else's bucket or reservoir of energy. Michael, a 15 year old contributor to this magazine, discloses his severe type A hemophilia. Taking a hit to his body will cause blood to pool into joints, restricting movement and, in the event of persistent bleeding in that area, permanent damage. Infusion of clotting factor helps control the accumulation of blood. Many more persons suffer from spiritual, soulful hemophilia: vital energy leaking out which makes them desperate to take it, uninvited, from others. This is precisely the power of the 12 step program, which focuses upon the Higher Power as the source of energy and healing, a resource that can never be drained or even compromised a little. So what is this magazine really about? I've suggested that confusion is good, trying is not useful (doing is), acceptance is not so hot if there are more promising, healthy alternatives, and that the presuppositions that direct the focus of much of therapy and education are fundamentally erroneous. If you were expecting a literary work that conforms to the prevailing paradigms of the medical and mental health community and your eyebrows are raised in indignation over the postulates suggested here, we can recommend more appropriate readings for you. If you want medical, educational, diagnostic and treatment information to help yourself or a loved one, we can suggest excellent resources. If you are interested in better understanding and connecting with the inner experience, the gifts, the wonder, the courage, the esoteric insights of people whose brain wiring makes them see the world and interact with it in unique, unconventional and convoluted ways, if you are interested in the dynamics of healing imperatives and strategies applicable to all mental and physical health challenges, then you are reading precisely what you asked for and we would be honored that you continue reading and perhaps correspond with us.
Respectfully, |
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John S. Hilkevich was the co-editor of "Don't Think About Monkeys: Extraordinary Stories Written by People with Tourette Syndrome (Hope Press 1992). To order a copy, click on the order icon or go to order page.
MONKEYS INTERACTIVE: What did you think about this editorial? Send us an instant 'letter to the editor' and see your name in future versions of this electronic magazine. seligman@sonic.net
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