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Is Your Success In
Romantic Relationships Hindered
Because You're a Jerk?
Jerome Murray, Ph.D.
To find out your J.Q. (Jerk Quotient) take the test. Answer True or False to each question (True means "true, or mostly true," and False means "false, or mostly false) Use a piece of paper to record your answer until I figure out how to score this electronically.
1. I find it difficult to enjoy myself on a date if know the evening won't end with some kind of sexual intimacy.
2. The best way to break up with a woman is to just start avoiding her.
3. I have lied to a woman about wanting a committed relationship just so she would have sex with me.
4. The more beautiful a woman is the more likely I am to enjoy her company.
5. I would never tell my wife or girl friend about my vulnerable feelings; like fear, shame, guilt, and embarrassment.
6. I seldom remember days that are special to my wife or girl friend; such as the anniversary of when we met, her birthday, etc.
7. I enjoy talking to my male friends more than I do my wife or girl friend.
8. When my wife or girl friend gets all emotional I either get on her case about it, or just try to ignore her.
9. I don't like it when my wife or girl friend tells me I'm wrong about something and usually remind her of all the dumb things she does.
10. When I'm with my wife or girl friend in a social setting, like a party, I spend more time talking to guys and other gals than I do talking to her.
11. When I'm on a date I look around at other girls to see if there is a prettier one I might be interested in later.
12. The girls who really attract me usually look and dress better than I do.
13. If a girl isn't very pretty I don't waste my time talking to her.
14. If a girl is more intelligent than I am I probably won't enjoy dating her.
15. It's a woman's job to take care of the house and do the cooking, even if both of you have regular jobs.
16. I have told a woman I loved her even though it wasn't true, just so I could have sex with her.
17. I don't like admitting I'm wrong to my wife or girl friend, so I don't.
18. The man should make all the important decisions about what happens in the relationship.
19. If a woman doesn't want sex when you do she's either frigid or trying to punish you.
20. A lot of the reason women get so emotional in a relationship is because they're having a period.
21. I would have sex with a woman even if she wasn't special to me and I knew I'd never see her again.
22. If you tell a woman after a date that you'll call her sometime, it's okay not to call her.
23. If you take a woman on a date and spend a lot of money on her it's only fair that she go to bed with you.
24. The way to impress a girl with your masculinity is to tell her about the other women you've been to bed with.
25. When you go to bed with a woman it's okay to tell your friends all about it.
Score one point for each "True" answer.
Got your score? Now click here to discover your J.Q.
Before you find out your score maybe you want to know...
WHAT'S A JERK?
Jerk's are characterized by;
A SUPERMAN COMPLEX
A jerk has a need to feel superior. He places an overemphasis on masculinity, competence, abilities, and anything that makes him stand out. Because of his need to feel superior he has an almost complete inability to accept criticism from anyone, but especially his lady. When criticized he retaliates by attacking or withdrawing. The woman must be strong enough not to require anything of him beyond his protestations of prowess, and weak enough not to threaten his need to feel superior.SISSY FEAR
A jerk is always concerned someone may think he is a "sissy." He has a fear of vulnerable feelings, such as grief, shame, guilt, and embarrassment. He even avoids expressing positive feelings such as love and tenderness if he fears their expression will make him vulnerable.LORD & MASTER ORIENTATION
A jerk wants to be Lord and Master of the relationship. He denies equality between the sexes and has an inability to accept a woman as a partner. He relegates her to "trophy" status and thinks of her as a possession --- valuable when giving, a nuisance when needing. He treats the relationship as a Sole Proprietorship, not a Partnership.BEDROOM - KITCHEN FOCUS
A jerk depersonalizes a woman by reducing her value to what she can do for him in the bedroom or kitchen. He only sees value in her if she can provide him sexual gratification or aid and comfort. He is unable to relate to a woman as a whole person and value her as a human being.
Now that you know what a jerk is, check out your score.
(Remember, score one point for each question you answered "True")
0 - 5 = You have a below average J.Q.. You're an unusual man and can be proud of your attitude toward women. It's likely you are already successful in your relationships with women, because you are able to value them as people and respect their rights. However, if you had even one "true" answer there's still room for improvement. You can be even more successful and you're the kind of man who deserves it.
6 - 10 = Your J.Q. is about average, but that shouldn't comfort you. The average man still hasn't learned to fully value women as equals. They tend to see women as valuable for utilitarian purposes (cooks, cleaners, bed partners, etc.), but fail to fully value them for their worth as friend and partner. Your inability to respect women as peers isn't as obvious to you as it is to them. To derive maximum benefit from your relationships you need to change your attitudes. Work on being more secure and mature. Women are more than objects of satisfaction or dissatisfaction, they are human beings who will add more richness to your life and relationships if you accept them as such.
11 - 15 = Your J.Q. is above average. You're a jerk, but you probably knew that already. Your masculinity has never grown much past adolescence. You're a little boy in a man's body. You think your attitude makes you a real man, but real men aren't afraid to value women as equals. Because of your immature attitude your relationships with women are conflicted, unsatisfying, and impermanent. The only way you'll get a woman to stay with you is if her self-esteem won't permit her to seek a real man. You're salvageable if you take this seriously and work on becoming more secure.
16 - 25 = Has anyone told you this is the 21st century? You're a bonafide jerk of the first order and you probably are so insecure and defensive you'll pretend not to care. You don't have a clue as to what masculinity is all about and secretly fear that you will never measure up. Strong women frighten you because a real woman will know you're not a real man. Consequently, you are attracted to emotional cripples and are hostile and controlling in your relationships. Because women threaten you, you have a strong potential for emotional and physical abuse. No woman will be satisfied with you for long no matter how bad her self-esteem. Get help!
Copyright © 1992. Jerome Murray, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
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