Day er, whatever in this place


I haven't written in over a week, but a lot has happened. Last week we went for our weekly pool visit and most people were trying to cling to the sides, but those jerks wouldn't let them, they kept pushing them off! I am a good swimmer but still, that is such a jerk thing to do. So for fun I started clinging to the side, and someone came over and tried to get me off the side, but I grabbed his hang and pulled him in too, I'm sure I will get in trouble for that, but I don't care. Also mac was hanging around one of the life guards chatting with him, I couldn't hear what, but I knew it want good from the look on their faces. The day after he seemed all reserved and quiet, not like himself. I asked him what was wrong but he avoided the subject, but he was asking around and why people were in. He was also behaving well and not rebelling, which is so unusual for him because he never does what he is told and he didn't even make big deals about things. He always does, whatever the life guard said said to him must have really messed him up.

At a group meeting the next day, Cheswick brought up the fact that the nurse is only letting us have a few packs of cigarettes a day, because some of us have been betting them to Mac, and how that is unfair and how they are treating us like children. He expected Mac to support him, but Mac just sat there silent. After I saw Cheswick go up to him and tell him that he didn't blame him, that he just wished something would have been done. This is right before we went into the pool.

We were in the pool when all of a sudden I heard a lot of screaming and a life guard jumped into the water and dove to the bottom, so I jumped up and did a dolphin dive to see what was up. As I swam what seemed like miles to the 2 blurry shapes at the bottom, I realized that someone was stuck to the bottom, and when I got there I saw it was Cheswick. He had managed to get his fingers stuck in the bottom gait of the pool. I started tugging on him and the life guard went up to call for a screwdriver. By that time Mac and a few others had come over and were trying to help, but his fingers just wouldn't budge. They finally brought the screwdriver, but by the time he was up he had died, fatally.

Day 30 of my unjust incarceration


Yesterday we were allowed to go visit the library, which was pretty cool, I haven't gotten a chance to read in quite awhile. Sat down and started reading the first random book I found, and it was a decent book, but it was really long, so I went and picked up some kids books and started reading. I got through a few by the time a beautiful women walked in, she was Harding's wife. One of the Aids brought her in, and Harding was kind of nervous, but he went up and greeted her. He brought her over to introduce her to Mack and me, and she was tall and very beautiful and carried a black purse and had blood red fingernails. Harding introduced her as his counterpart and Nemesis, which I don't understand, but he is always using them fancy talk that I don't understand.

Harding recalls to his wife how Mac has been standing up to the nurse and how he was excited. He tried to laugh, but only some kind of little mosey squeak popped out like he ate a mouse whole, and him laughing squeezed down on its tiny figure. Harding's wife scolded him for the little squeak, but its not his fault he has a mouse stuck in him! This makes him, and everyone who is listening, nervous, but mostly him. She asked harding for a cigarette, to which he replies that he doesn't have any as they have been rationed. They start fighting, but I don't understand why, it was such a stupid little thing to fight over. At the end of the fight she asks him if he ever does have enough, to which he asks if she was speaking symbolically.

Mac slowly steps up and offers her a cigarette, and she leans forward and accepts it, but she stays leaned forward for a long time and you could easily see down her blouse, and my what a sight it was!. She starts complaining that his hoity-toity boys with the nice long hair combed so perfectly and the limp little wrists, and she promptly leaves.

Today we have to get chest X-rays to make sure we don't have TB or tuberculosis, which is in a different building, and on the way there we see an unmarked room, so Mac asked Harding about it, and he tells us that's the “shock shop” or where they do Electro Shock Therapy , or EST. He tells us that its the “sunset” of EST, but out good ol' nurse is on of the few who remain advocates for it. He goes into the history and that it is painless and lasts less than half a second and ow its quite effective. He also tells us about lobotomy, which he calls frontal lobe castration.

Mac asks everyone why they never told him our nurse controls when he gets out, and they they forgot he was committed involuntarily. We ask around and most people are self committed, even Billy.

Day 31 of this hellish prison


Today we had to go back for X-rays because some of the images were blurry or some crap like that, so it was the same nervousness outside the room as the lat time. On the way back I am walking behind Mac and I can tell something is up with him, and about that time, Chief walks up next to him and just remains next to him in dead silence, but my mind starts screaming, I cant tell what it is at first and I can't understand what its saying, but its Chief and Mac reaching out for help, but how do I help them? To this very minuet I still don't know what I could have done.

Mac and I stop at the canteen to pick up cigarettes, and I get a bunch of gum, I like gum, it goes squish squish in your mouth and its good for fixing things sometimes. When we get back, The nurse holds her snore meeting, I call it a snore meeting because its so boring, like snails. She Brings up our misbehaving a while back and says that she's put it off too long and she gives us a chance to apologize, we don't, of course, so she says the punishment is now entirely for our own good. She takes tub room privileges away which is so unfair! Mac is silent through the entire thing, until he interrupts her and stands up and walks to the nurses station. He punches is hand through the window and grabs a carton of cigarettes. He is such the bad ass! He says, and I quote “that glass was so clean I completely forgot it was there.”


Day 40


Its been awhile since I have written, but not much worth writing about has happened, except today and 2 days ago. Mac has basically had free reign over this place because the nurse knows she can keep the fight going as long as she wants, and Mac know it too. He starts testing the boundaries little bits at a time. He asks for accompanied leave, but it is denied so he punches out the glass again. He has also arranged a basketball team for us, and he convinced the staff to let us bring the basket ball back to practice, and so right after they replace the glass a second time, Martini accidentally bounces the ball into the window, and breaks it a third time. I find it so amusing!

Mac proposes the idea of a deep sea fishing trip from Oregon, and so he goes around promoting it. In response the nurse posts every news clipping about ship wrecks and the like to try and scare us, but it doesn't work, I'm not scared to go, I am brave! Unless there is mice, I'm so scared of mice, their going to eat me someday!

And now as I'm writing this I can hear Mac rolling around awake, and I cant quite make it out but it seems like he is trying to talk to someone, he is bunked next to Chief, but isn't he deaf? Oh my god, chief is talking back! I cant understand what their saying, but it has something to do with gum and the combine and I'm not sure.

Day 42 soon to be out of this dam place


Today we finally got the 10 signatures required for going on the fishing trip, but strangely the last signature was Chief, he was the only conic that was going, and no one even knew he could write. When the girls arrived it turned out that only 1 had arrived and she only brought 1 car. So the nurse was about to shut it down when Mac walked off to find the doctor and in no time flat convinced him to come with us and bring his car.

So we set off and the first exciting thing of the trip was when we stopped at the gas station, they tried to rip the doctor off, so Mack steps out and gives 'em the what-for and tells them that we are the criminally insane inmates from the asylum, and that were entitled to a government sponsored discount, and they totally believed us! We had them so scared! Mac also got us beers, which was a nice surprise, I haven't had a beer in a long time, it was nice.

The rest of the trip there was pretty quiet and peaceful, but we did have an interesting conversation on how insanity gives us power, but otherwise it was pretty quiet. But when we arrived things started going south. When we arrived Mack and the boat captain started arguing about a waiver form thingy, but I didn't see why he needed one. So they went inside to call someone to work it out. When they went inside a few guys started making remarks to candy and how were all crazies and stuff like that, but most of us were too busy staying warm that we ignored them. It was so cold out there, I remember out breath showed up as white clouds.

Mac suddenly ran out, and told us to load up, and that we were leaving, so we did, and George and Mac went about distributing life jackets and starting up the engines. None of us realized we were stealing the boat until just after we set sail and saw the captain running after us yelling. It took us forever to get out of port, but once we got out to sea, all of us were too lost in the beauty to notice time flying by. We had several cases of beer on the boat, but people were drinking them sparingly, you could tell it had been awhile since they had had a beer.

When we finally got to the fishing spot you could almost reach out and grab a fish there were so many! So we set out trying to get our fishing poles set and ready which took a long time because mac didn't want to help us, he was sitting back and watching us, smiling. I have gone fishing so I had a decent idea of what to do, but it still took me several tries. Since we only had 4 poles we had to take turns fishing, I let someone use my pole first, and they caught some small fish, it wasn't until people started getting the hang of it until we started catching bigger fish. Finally as we were about to leave the doc hooked a huge fish, and nearly got pulled in for it, but we all finally wrestled it up, using the crane, and it was by far the biggest fish any of us had seen.

When we got back to port, George went for our space full speed and did some fancy maneuvers and squeaked the boat in sideways to our spot, barely touching the dock. The captain was there waiting for us with the police, but the doctor tells 'em that we are a legal, government sponsored expedition, and he mentioned that there wasn't enough life jackets on the boat. So the real captain decides he doesn't want to press charges.

The ride back was interesting, first, Candy falls asleep with her head on Billy's chest, then we drive by Mac's house, or the one he stayed longest in, and he tells us its story. He said that's the place that a girl first pulled him to bed, he was about 10, and her dress was still flapping in the tree.

As for me, I am tired and wish to stop writing, so good night.

Day 44 this time in disturbed.


So its a long story how I ended up in disturbed, so I will start off at the beginning. When We got back from the fishing trip, we were all in high spirits, but the nurse was already planning her next move against Mac. She posted up the financial records of everyone in her ward, every ones had gone down, except for Mac, and he doesn't seem ashamed about this, he even brags that he can retire to Florida on what he has made, but I honestly don't care about if he is making money, that's up to him.

The nurses next step was to arrange a meeting without Mac, which is such a rude thing to do, because she was trying to imply that he was just trying to take our money, which may be true, but it isn't like he is stealing from us, because we are willing betting out money, which is exactly what Harding says, he is just showing off his capitalistic flair. I found myself almost questioning his motives when he asks Billy for money for his date with Candy, and I defiantly become suspicious when he has chief move the control panel just to win the bet.

The end of the next day the nurse has a cautionary cleansing for us, where we have to line up against the tile naked, and be cleaned by the black boys, which is pretty bad, but they give George hell because he refuses to be soaped. They offer a very unpleasant alternative, and he still refuses, so Mac steps forward to defend George. One of the black boys, Washington, I believe, goes ahead and punches Mac, which turns into an all out brawl, and eventually Chief stepped in, and I had to step in also, and we promptly won, but the littlest of them managed to escape and call for help from disturbed.

All three of us are promptly taken to disturbed and it is actually quite nice up here, despite being stared at all the time and the really crazy people up here.

Days don't matter anymore, nor do I remember what day it is.


Before we got put back in our wonderful ward, we all got EST, which frankly sucked, it was incredibly unpleasant, but the shock didn't hurt. What hurt was thrashing around afterwards, and having the aids wrench down on my arms. They say I have been out of it for 2 days, but it seems like it has been an hour. Other people tell me that they sent Mac in for a second treatment because he was telling the nurse that it was just charging his batteries.

I remember waling about the ward vaguely, and I saw fog and people were floating in and out, but I bolted upright in my bed and all the fog was gone, and never returned.


The next day


Mac was wheeled into the ward today, he started off totally out of it, couldn't even lift his arm, but he finally was able to walk, and within an hour was almost back to his loud self, joking about how the first woman who takes him on will “light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars.” Now I would probably find that hilarious, if I only knew what I meant, and I don't want to look stupid and so I'm not going to ask around.

Right before bed time they take him off for EST again, which I cant imagine is good for him, but I bet in two days he will be back here and then off again, I think this is almost torture, it shouldn't be legal. I talked to the Doctor about this, but he simply said it was for his benefit and was a standard medical practice, which is bullshit, That is how they fry people in the electric chair, lots of electricity, so this could be attempted murder!


5 days later Mac's back


He is back from his fourth EST treatment, and he has literally become a legend in the ward, the nurse is starting to get quite annoyed, you can tell by how she walks and talks, and by the fact that at one of the meetings she suggests a “surgery,” to which Mac replies castration. I don't think she would castrate him,that would really suck for him, but if she did he would find something to really get her back, but I still don't think its going to be a castration.

Mac has been planning a for Candy to come visit Billy, and he was hoping Candy would bring alcohol like beer and wine and vodka. I have never had vodka before, but it sounds good.

I am tired and want to sleep so I will write more after the party, which is tomorrow night by the way.

Many days from the last entry


Not much has happened since I have last written in you, Mac threw a huge party, Chief and Me escaped, Billy got laid and killed himself, Chief killed Mac, but after he got a lobotomy.

So I'm guessing your going to want to hear the story, so it started off when candy knocked at the window. We all were so excited we all ran to the window, and nearly crushed Mac who was trying to see who was there. It was Candy and her friend Sandy, who was supposed to come on the fishing trip. They starting distributing the booze and they give Mr. Turkle whole jug of wine. So we started partying and having a grand ol' time and Mac goes and picks the drug room lock and also broke into the nurses station and got a jug of cough syrup to mix with the vodka, which was quite nasty, but much better than strait vodka. Also we started going through the nurses files, its amazing how much they have about you, some things I didn't know were even recorded, like every place we have ever lived and worked, and all sorts of random stuff. Sefelt and Sandy wonder off to the dorms, and awhile later Harding comes in and starts sprinkling pills over them in some sort of sac-religious way, saying were all doomed henceforth.

Things went on pretty ridiculously for awhile, Mac had Turkle open the seclusion room for Billy and Candy, and the rest of us were milling about, getting very drunk and finally Harding recommends we come up with a plan, and he recommends we tie Turkle up and then let Mac escape and blame him, but Mac recommends an hour of sleep, then execute the plan, so we all agree, and try to get some sleep. We were awoken, not by Turkle, but by the black boys, and the nurse, we thought we were screwed, but they proceeded to line us up in the day room, and take roll, and they discovered Billy was not there. They did a room by room search until they Found him with Candy in the seclusion room, and everyone crowded around the door with the nurse in the front. She said she was disappointed in Billy and that she would have to tell his mother, and she would be very upset, and he started weeping and begged her not to tell her, and she agreed, and brought him down to the doctors office and called the doctor.

When the doctor got here, he went in his office, gave a scream, and almost ran to the nurse, and told us Billy killed himself, by slitting his throat with a scalpel. The nurse ran to his room, and slowly walked back, and right up to Mac, she asks him if he is happy, that he is playing with human lives and as if he is some kind of god.

To be finished soon